Friday, December 28, 2007

Benazir Bhutto got killed...

Turut berduka cita atas terbunuhnya salah satu wanita hebat sepanjang zaman, mantan perdana menteri Benazir Bhutto. Semoga arwahnya diterima di sisi Allah SWT, Amin...

Masalah ini udah pasti bukan isu agama atau terorisme?

Jadi isu apa ya? Politik kah?


Politik ta*...!!!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Pan's Labyrinth

Spain, 1944. Officially, the Civil War has been over for five years, but a small group of rebels fights on unbroken in the northern mountains of Navarra. Dreamy 10-year-old Ofelia moves to Navarra with her delicate, pregnant mother Carmen, to become acquainted with her new stepfather, Captain Vidal, a Fascist officer under orders to rid the territory of rebels. Ofelia, who is fascinated by fairy tales, discovers an overgrown, tumbledown labyrinth behind the mill. In the heart of the labyrinth she meets Pan, an ancient satyr who claims to know her true identity and her secret destiny. But first, she must complete three tasks before the moon grows full. And no one must know: not her ailing mother, or her new friend, Mercedes. Time is running out, for Ofelia and for the rebels. Both will have to battle hardship and cruelty in order to gain their freedom. But, who can be trusted in a time of lies and danger? Is Pan telling the truth...? And if not, who is? [Taken from]


Film ini ga bisa dibilang horror juga. Sama sekali ngga ada serem2nya acan. Yang ada film ini menurut gw sadis banget! Soalnya setting film-nya pas jaman WW II, banyak adegan penyiksaannya daripada adegan horror si Ofelia kecil menghadapi dunia imajinasinya [loe akan bertanya2 deh apakah peristiwa yang dialamin Ofelia itu real atau unreal. Agak twisted gitu kliatannya].

Bukan tipe film yang gw nikmati banget sih. Agak kecewa juga pas nonton. Gw piker film-nya jauh lebih keren dari itu, krn cover DVD-nya “ngejual” banget.

Kecewa deh kecewa. Ngga usah ditonton…

30 Days of Night

For centuries, vampires have stayed in the dark, forced to hide each morning or else be destroyed by the burning power of the sun. But in Columbia Pictures' 30 Days of Night, based on the groundbreaking graphic novel, that's all about to change. Not your parents' vampires, these are eating machines, built for one purpose -- to devour human beings -- and only daylight can stop them... which is why they target the remote, isolated town of Barrow, Alaska, which each winter is plunged into a state of complete darkness that lasts 30 days. The cunning, bloodthirsty vampires, relishing in a month of free rein, are set to take advantage, feeding on the helpless residents. It is up to Sheriff Eben (Josh Hartnett), his estranged wife, Stella (Melissa George), and an ever-shrinking group of survivors to do anything and everything they can to last until daylight. [Taken from]


Modern vampire movie!! I looooove it so much! Visually, it’s a bit sadistic movie. Blood everywhere [yeah, it’s a horror vampire movie, what did u expect anyway?], less part of romance [almost none. Do not expect that u will see the sex-scene in it, lol] and lots of shocking parts. I like it, though… they took the right place in Alaska when apparently they will be facing a full month in the darkness [where the sun doesn’t reach Alaska for 30 days] and suddenly a group of hungry vampire attacks the city. One by one was facing their death. Josh Harnett and friends are trying to survive their lives by hiding from one place to another to avoid those vampires for 30 days till the sun rises again. Until in the last day, Josh Harnett has to change himself as a part of the vampire intentionally to save his wife and the whole remaining citizen from the other vampires [this is the touching part]. Regarding so, he has to face his own painful death in the day after whereas the sun finally rises. He slipped away, with his wife’s hugging him tightly to share the pain he felt [I cried in this scene, yes I did. LOLS]

For you who love to see vampire movie, this might be a good alternative movie to watch :)

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

A night to remember...

Written on Dec 17, 2007

Huff, I kinda still sleepy this morning and typing these words with eyes half-closed, but I can’t help not to tell about what was happen yesterday when I was in Bandung with my band to perform live on stage at AACC building on a gig called Beauty In Darkness. The gig was awesome and performed also with much much great gothic female-fronted bands such as Bumble Bee, Caresent, Sadie, Geboren, Alfa and of course my band Gelap, lol

The gig that should be held from 3 pm was having a great deal of late till 7 pm. Me and Gelap’s members & crews went from the studio at 10 am and arrived there at 4 pm, a bit late from what was planned to arrive there around lunch time but unfortunately we were stuck at nowhere in the middle of town [none of us are from Bandung, so couple times we got misdirection, hehehe…]. Then we were headed to our hotel to get some rest coz Gelap would perform couple hours after so we could have some chillin time together and could get to know with another bands that were also resting in the hotel. At 8 pm the committee named Putut called us to get ready for the performance. We brought 3 songs; Ashes, Beautiful Stranger and the last was Gerbang Timur. We performed before Geboren and after Alfa [FYI – esp to Ipoel – the new Geboren’s vocalist is unveiled and they just have one vocalist, the former three veiled vocalists apparently had resigned couple months ago. So I couldn’t have chance to compare myself with one of the vocalist who – like sooo many people said – has a very similar face like me, hehehe…].

The crowd was AMAZING!! I never thought that Bandung has a very huge gothic community there. They had a very big enthusiasm to watch female-fronted bands as it hardly appear in stages that we commonly see [esp in Jakarta where Metal music with male-fronted bands are the Gods, while Gothic is not fully appreciated as much as metal]. But there, they did an awesome job to amazingly appreciate the females that tried so hard to prove their existence thru gothic music. It drove my adrenaline and my mood, and the result was our – so far – best performance. We had great applause from the audience and that was the first time I thought that Bandung’s people are so into dark music and appreciate it a lot. I love the audience, I love Bandung!! lol

We performed at 9.30 and finished at 10. Then I hurriedly got back to my hotel because there was still one business to do there; with this guy.

So this guy – as I’m gonna reveal him to u guys – was also performed in the gig last night. His band’s name is Sadie, from Jogjakarta. He’s the guitarist and his name is Arya but people call him Arez. We’ve known each other for the past year, since we first made friend together thru Friendster. He lives in Jogjakarta and he was the first to find me in the net and ask me to make friend with him coz our commonness about fancying gothic music. Then he once gone from May-Sept, and again appeared in my friendster page with definitely different perspective about our friendship. He honestly tried to get into me as he never hides his interest toward me. I – who honestly speaking – had a broken heart not so long after his reappearance was responding flatly but in a positive way I still told him that we still have the chance to make it work. What makes it hard is that the distance. Yes, distance sucks… big time! We together ever had a fail LDR [Long Distance Relationship] back then and it’s kinda traumatized us and it make us made a promise to not to do that LDR anymore. But now it hit us back. We cannot deny the feeling we have for each other yet we have to hold the feeling inside coz we both have this same pessimistic feeling about LDR and we don’t wanna get hurt anymore in the future. So things turned out to be so blurry for our relationship; we’re not like friend anymore coz we’re getting closer each day but we’re not even a couple yet coz of that fvckin pessimistic feeling about LDR that make us build our own invisible boundaries.

Last night, has finally be our very FIRST meeting, face to face, heart to heart, mind to mind. Actually he – again – has been gone from Nov 6 till last nite when we met. First he said about being gone for just a week or two, but after two weeks he still missing and I couldn’t figure what the heck is happening. Last nite, we met, we talked, and he apologized. But did the problem got resolved?


He sleep one nite in that hotel while my band was straightly went back to Jakarta couple hours after the performance. Knowing that I wouldn’t sleep in the hotel, he got pissed. He said he really wanted to spend some REAL quality time with me and chat with me while his eyes looking at my very face, not looking at the handphone or the PC monitor when we’re online. He asked me to stay till tomorrow [today] and he said he will drive me home to Jakarta. At first I thought it was a good idea, but then I realize that my band’s buddies won't agree. They have this morale responsibility to take care of me – the girl in a band, they won’t let me stay with a guy that they can consider as a total stranger. No… my friends are too much care about me. So then I decided to keep goin home and left him behind.

To be honest I didn’t want to leave him that fast that I still want to talk with him coz indeed our problem hasn’t been solved. Apparently he is a very nice guy, although a bit hi-jealousy behavior, but he’s fine… more than fine to me. But our communication last nite hadn’t come to the top conclusion of how we will work this relationship and what this relationship will be named; a friend or a couple. When at 11 pm my buddies finally called me to go home while we were still in the hot conversation. I still remember the last chat we did,

Iwed: trus kamu maunya apa?

Arez: Udah sana masuk mobil… km udah dipanggil Rince tuh!

Iwed: Trus km ga jadi ngomong apa mau kamu?

Arez: Km mau tau mauku?

Iwed: Apa?

Arez: Aku mau lebih!! Hubungan yang kita jalanin selama ini jadi lebih...

Iwed: Define “lebih” please

And he kept silent till Rince shouted my name again and I really got to get into the car. I called his name once again and he remained still in the chair – with a ciggar and Nescafe Latte [Gosh, even we have the same habit!]. So there, I left him alone, I got into the car and left. He sat still until I arrived at Jakarta [he phoned me and said so].

I can’t tell whether I’m happy or sad with this first meeting. I have difficulties to convince him that I have no one that close with me as boyfriend or so [He always mentioned about how much guys are surrounding me and how I could easily pick one of them, and of course I would pick someone not so FAR from me… WTF!!!]. I think I have to build his trustworthiness to me first before making another step ahead in our relationship.

Yeah, our relationship still remains unclear… he still in Bandung now, will leave at 2 pm to Jogjakarta. Still bring angst and sadness coz of my leaving last nite. Well, what can I do? Tell me… what can I do, sunshine?

Huff, an hour just to type this. Oh my Gosh, it was a long blog, doesn’t it? Hahaha…

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


Avowal of yours, for me it was just so deaden

Mystified colors were melted into my pure black eyes

I grounded deeply for knowing that I would remain myself forsaken

Watching some yellowish little fairies flying nicely around the stark pillars

Owning something invisible…

Is like having the unseen wings

Stumbled by a convoluted part that once ever been so simple

I didn’t see it, I didn’t realize it slowly nibbling


Oh merry merry…

Life for me is so cheesy at a time

Is so breezy at another time

Is so dreamy most of the time!

But when you’re now around

Life for me is so scary at a time

Is so horny at another time

Is so snazzy most of the time!

So let me have this cannot-be-owned

Get fantasized with this belly-ticking mind

Though I know this might be conversed

From before

And forever after…

Let my eyes fall down

And my mouth goes up

As long as my heart’s still being here

The one spot where it always standing



And needing…

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

A Perfect Fit

An unstable man suffering from horrific nightmares discovers that his terror has just begun when he meets the woman of his dreams in director Ron Brown's terrifying psychological thriller. When the sun sets and the moon spreads its cool blue glow across the peaceful nightscape, John Totersohn's mind takes him to deeply frightening places. Soon after a series of sessions with a skilled psychologist begins to calm John's restless visions, the haunted man successfully courts a woman named Sarah into a tentative relationship with a little help from his good looks and his boyish charm. Thrust into a world of rage and anger upon discovering that Sarah is pregnant with his child, John then attempts to pull himself together long enough to propose to Sarah and set his life straight. It's all too little too late, though, and after humiliating Sarah in front of her family and friends, degrading her sexually, and tightening his grip on her to the point of suffocation, Sarah soon reveals that she has aborted the baby and wishes to make a clean break from the relationship. The only thing that has broken, however, is John's mind. Now convinced that his doctor and former fiancée have joined forces in a conspiracy to drive him mad, John offers living proof that no matter how well you may thing that you know someone, you never truly understand them until their absolute worst comes boiling to the surface. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide [taken from]


It's been my weirdness to loving sick and twisted movie, LOLS. One of them is this movie: A Perfect Fit. The movie tells about a twisted boy named John who has a childhood trauma about his sexually abusive father that makes him scared to involved physically with anyone, even his own girlfriend. till one day he met this girl named Sarah. He tried so hard to make this relationship works with Sarah, and it finally did work out. He fell to Sarah and so dis her to him. But then the nightmare starts; Sarah's pregnant and John's possessive attitude even made everything worse. Sarah knows that something is wrong with him. One crazy scene is when John breaks through Sarah's room at night and harshly "do" Sarah, while her parents are in the next room! That was bloody insane! heheheh...
John also has a psychologist who always helps him get through his hard times if his trauma blows into surface again. But there are times when John crazily imagine that he killed his psychologist by cutting off her head [I can see the blood! Ow God that was sexy! hahaha...], and he himself get shocked by the fact that he often had that kind of sick imagination.
By the time Sarah asked him to leave coz of her getting even more afraid of his attitude, things got worse and out of hand. John's getting abusive to Sarah and his psychologist. He even tried to kill them both.
How it goin to be? Hehehe... watch this movie by urself then... ;)


Thursday, November 22, 2007

License to Wed

'License to Wed' follows newly engaged Ben Murphy (John Krasinski) and his fiancée, Sadie Jones (Mandy Moore), who has always dreamed of getting married in a traditional wedding at her family church. The problem is St. Augustine's only has one wedding slot available in the next two years, and its charismatic pastor, Reverend Frank (Robin Williams), won't bless Ben and Sadie's union until they pass his patented, foolproof marriage-prep course. Through outrageous classes, outlandish homework assignments and some pious manipulation, Ben and Sadie are about to find out if they really have what it takes to make it to the altar... and live happily ever after. [taken from]


Film ini lucu! Sweet banget! Nyeritain tentang bagaimana satu pasangan Ben-Sadie harus ngejalanin serangkaian tes untuk nguji kesiapan mereka untuk menikah. Mentornya ga lain adalah si kocak Robin Williams. Bener2 ngocok perut banget deh, karena tes-tes yang musti dijalanin tuh aneh2 banget, ga masuk akal. No wonder dari mulai Ben-Sadie masih adem ayem aja ngikutin tes itu sampe si Ben jengah sendiri sama Reverend Frank – terutama karena Frank bikin aturan no sex before honeymoon yang bikin Ben harus gigit jari telen ludah tiap dia pengen “begituan” sama Sadie, hahaha… [coz they have this domestic relationship] – sampe dia niat banget nyari “borok”nya Frank supaya bisa jatuhin Frank, karena Ben sebel banget sama Frank & nuduh Frank jadi biang kerok memburuknya hubungan dia dengan Sadie dengan kedok seorang mentor pernikahan. Bener aja, puncaknya saat sehari sebelum pernikahan, di gereja saat gladi resik pernikahan, Sadie mutusin buat membatalkan pernikahan karena mereka berantem hebat lagi disana dan Sadie “ngungsi” ke luar negeri untuk menenangkan diri.

Mandy Moore looks sooo damn sweet here! [love her acting on the scene rather than Jessica’s. Ukkhh, she looks more like a whore to me…], and John Krasinski? Hohoho…the new hottie one, lol

Pengen ketawa, tonton aja… refreshing!


Thursday, November 15, 2007

Beauty is natural

Dunno why but I’m in a very bad mood to put make-up when goin to work. It’a been 3 days since I let my face plain without any “bling-bling” at my face.

Many people got noticed in my you-look-so-pale face when they stare at my face,

“what’s with your eyes? Are u sick?” that would be the first question I get from them. Yeah, I do have these asian-slanted eyes I inherit from my mom. I just put some mascara in it and they say that actually I have a pair of beautiful eyes that I don’t have to hide them with my bold eye-liner, and that I look prettier like this.

And yeah, sometimes be natural is even more beautiful. I feel that too, and somehow recently I feel so comfy to let my face plain like this. Somehow I feel fresher than usual.

Beauty is natural… agree! For now, dunno bout tomorrow, though *giggle*

“We can see whether that woman has the real beauty or not by looking at her face straightly after she wakes up from her sleep” [a friend of mine]

You think?


Weekend kemarin...

Weekend kemarin tuh emang NGGA BANGET deh! Sabtu siang jam1.30-an gw udh kinclong berat mo ke Blok.M janjian sama vokalis gw, Rince, untuk latian di daerah Joglo seperti biasa jam.5 sore. Sampe Blok.M Rince belum datang, jadilah gw ngemil french fries dulu di McD sendirian

. Tiba2 sms dari Rince datang dan bilang maaf krn motornya masih di pake suaminya dan suaminya blm sampe rumah juga. Si mami udah ngamuk2 di sms gw dengan bahasa yang gw yakin kalian ga akan mau denger [huehehehe…]. Gw coba untuk nyabarin dia dan wishing moga2 lakinya cepet balik. 15 menit, 30 menit sampe 45 menit [dan french fries gw udah habis..] dia blm juga nongol batang idungnya. Tiba-tiba


Bunyi geledek kenceng banget sampe gw terkaget2, ternyata gw sukses bengong selama beberapa menit sampe ga notice kalo langit diluar udah gelap banget [band gw banget dah pokoknya! Halahh…]. Gw sms Rince untuk sekedar ngingetin kalo cuaca udah threatening banget, dan dia baru aja mau jalan dr rumahnya. Ga sampe 15 menit ujan deres sama angin kenceng udah turun. Alhasil Rince keujanan, basah kuyup. Dan kita ga jadi latian [sedangkan temen2 band gw yang lain udah sampe studio dengan selamat, huff!!]. akhirnya temen2 band gw latian tanpa vokalis [mana mereka bilang damai sejahtera banget lagi ga dengerin bacot2nya 2 vokalis gendeng, rese bener emang jadi temen band. Ga suportif banget! Hehehe…]

Akhirnya kita Cuma menghangatkan diri di Ayam Bakar Ganthari belakang Blok.M Plaza nunggu ujan reda, after ujan agak redaan Rince nganterin gw balik sampe Arion dan dari sana gw lanjutin perjalanan ngangkot sendiri sampe Gading [nasib dah!]. sampe rumah jam 7 malem, kedinginan, basah kuyup, capek pastinya, dan NGGA JADI LATIAN!

Hari minggunya gw udah janjian sama temen kantor gw untuk pergi bareng ke resepsi temen diMasjid PLN duren tiga. Kita janjian di Dunkin
Donuts mampang prapatan situ jam.11-an. Sesuai janji, jam.11 gw udah nangkring manis di Dunkin dengan segelas kopi susu. 10 menit, 15 menit, 30 menit… temen gw itu [Nancy] belum juga nongol [Gosh, waiting is the worst thing ever imagine deh!!], dia sms katanya stuck kena macet [Even hari minggu gitu loh. Jakarta makin ga terselamatkan nih!]. and u know what time she arrived? Jam.12 teng! Pas 1 jam gw nunggu dia [Gila loe Cyy..!!], padahal pestanya temen gw mulai dr jam.10-an sampe jam12.30, otomatis kita cm punya waktu 30menit lagi sebelum diusir dari pesta [dan yang pasti ga kenyang krn smua makanan pasti udah ludess!]. bener aja, pas masuk gedung,

“Lho lho lho… Kok pelaminan kosong mba?” gw nanya ke Nancy, ternyata sang pengantin udah turun dari pelaminan dan udah gabung sama tamu2 VIP yang lain untuk makan. Bused deh, beneran udah penghabisan banget nyampe sana! Akahirnya cuma sempet foto2 bentar, ngobrol2 sama temen2 kantor yang msh bertahan dengan tabahnya disana [thanks guys udah nungguin kita, hiks… we love you all!! Muachh, tanda tangannya besok2 aja ya! Huehehehe…]. Jam.1 kurang gw & Nancy cabut ke Sensi, gw janjian sama temen gw yang lain [Windy from Provoke!] untuk hadir ke pesta nikahannya Bounty [Bassist of Purgatory] dan Diella [ex. Drummer of Zala & current Drummer of Amidala]. Ternyata eh ternyata, si doi minta disamperin ke kosannya di Kb.Jeruk [Pliss deh Wind! Kalo ga inget gw sayang ma elo tuh yee!!], untung taxi pake voucher, kalo ga mah gw ogah dari Sensi ke Kb.Jeruk trus lanjut ke Ciledug [tempat resepsi]. Mana rumahnya di ujung berung banget lagi, sempet nyasar ke nikahan orang lain [ahahahaha… geblek!]. sampe sana udah jam2.30, tamu udah sepiiii… orang pertama yang gw liat batang idungnya si Bang Didi [vokalis], pas masuk kedalam rumah baru gw ktemu the rest of the Purgatory’s, cuma Amor yang ga ada krn ternyata dia udah balik kerumahnya [pengantin baru payah nih, masih sore udah ga nahan aja pengen deket2 bini, huehehehe…]. Habis dr tempat resepsi sempet main ke Mayang [Markas Purgatory] sebentar, habis itu gw harus terus lanjut ke Grogol janjian sama Oom gw untuk ngambil titipan dari nyokap dikampung [Look, dari jaman puasa sampe mau taun baruan gini nyokap masih betah dikampung! Mommy!!!!], magrib baru gw bisa balik kerumah, naik busway, penuh, untungnya ga pake macet [kalo macet juga.. !@#$%^&*]

Sampe rumah jam.7-an. Tepar setepar2nya umat. Untung disogok sama bokap pake sate padang 1 porsi gede, yang tadinya mulut udah bertekuk langsung melebar lagi…


Eh, mandi dulu ding! Sometimes suka kelupaan mandi kalo udah ktemu kasur, hihihi… [sin admission]


Almost dead.

The water was obstructed the cold air surround her that it successfully witnessed the dreadful tragedy in that never-ending nebulous blackened night she went through. This astute beast spasmed on the cold floor like the most contemptible thing ever imagined, mourning for a second more of twisted hope to her Lord. In that very critical time, a series of vivid pictures took her back endways and slapped her the hardest that she tried to breathe even more powerful yet more painful than before. She wasn't ready yet, for knowing that she won't gain the best from the worst, or maybe she deserves not of it. She wasn't ready yet, for knowing that her chance has stopped ever since she yelled about something she did, while the fact is she didn't. And there’re neither exits nor unlocked doors to make her out from the ghosts of sin that have been haunting her for the past five-time evolutions, she plays dead till it comes closer to her, literally…

The air and the water finally compromised with her avaricious demand.

“I WANNA LIVE LONGER! Even if I have to stay a beast for the rest of my condemned fvckin life....!!”

Then they let her back to the veritably thing rotating in one spot in the middle of the unlimited space of mystery...

Written on Nov 6, 2007

..Almost dead..


Going twenty three... Happy Birthdew!!

Make a wish









*blow candles*

// November 15, 2007 -- 00.00 am -- Iwed’s bedroom \\

Monday, November 05, 2007

Spiderman atau Scorpion?

Biasanya dikantor gw tiap 2 minggu sekali bunga-bunga penghias di ruang tunggu [lobby depan] selalu diganti dan pasti selalu ada temanya. Kaya selama dua minggu kemarin tema kali itu adalah Halloween so vas bunganya berbentuk Halloween pumpkin gitu, bertepatan sama Halloween day tgl. 31 Oktober kemarin

Terus hari ini agen bunganya dateng lagi buat ganti bunga nya. Setelah gw dan beberapa teman kantor perhatiin, bentuk bunganya itu persis banget kaya laba-laba. Gw sampe wondering sendiri, "Emang temanya awal November ini apaan ya sampe bentuk bunganya kaya laba-laba gini?", dari tadi pagi sampe menjelang makan siang gw tetep ga bisa nebak kira2 temanya apa.

Pas udah jam makan siang salah satu temen kantor gw mau turun cari makan & dia liat bunga "spiderman" itu, trus tiba2 dia nyeletuk,
"Oh, bunga nya lucu banget! Hari ini temanya Scorpio ya?"
Dalam hati gw bingung, apa hubungannya laba-laba sama Scorpio? Akhirnya gw ga tahan juga mau tanya,
"Emang hubungannya Scorpio sama laba-laba apaan mba?"
"Lho, siapa bilang ini laba-laba?"
"He?... emang menurut mba bunganya mirip apaan?"
"Ini sih scorpion Wed, kalajengking..."
"Hah??!!" gw jawab sambil terus periksa2 bunga ini.

Ah engga ah! pikir gw, masa kalajengking begini bentuknya? Cuma emang, kalaupun maksudnya mau niruin laba-laba, bentuknya emang ganjil juga sih...

Menurut loe, laba-laba apa kalajengking ya?

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


With her mouth locked, with her eyes closed

Neither lies nor truths could be known

When she blindly searching where her heart might be

Her body starts to limping, broken into pieces

She is the incompletely soul

Dying and accompanied by a creepy doll

She saw the light among the dark

The dark is the shade

The shade is a deceiver

A grimy haunting death reaper

Hopes to find another ways out

That she found many roads have been blocked

O justice, how can she sue her destiny?

No thing called God in her, but only a faith

A dead faith she considers as alive and sparkling

She went home empty-handed

Made no choice from options-offered

She found emptiness, she got back her consciousness

Her life has been a total fake

She got n.o.t.h.i.n.g to take, nothing has been made

She screams in a sacred silence

Makes a monstrous voice from her injured throat

She’s slowly turning to a deaf

And going to be a broken-winged half-life senseless angel

The people’s everything

Who gets ______________


PS: I’m sorry… I wish I never have to chose


Sometimes, I hate growing up…


Distance Sucks!

Distance sucks… Distance sucks

Some get succeed…

Some get through it

But me?


I feel it…

Like puke from my mouth

Like an ache in my tumm-tumm

Like sh!t from my as*hole

Then I keep singing

Distance sucks… Distance sucks… Distance s.u.c.k.s!!!


Thursday, August 09, 2007

Hey You!

Hey You!

How could you let it conquer you as easy as an eye-blinked?
For I see your heart is trapped in one diverting moment.
How could you let your logical sense sink?
For I know it's the only thing that can survive you from a man.
How could the shadow be your home now?
For I know you'll be able to stand by your own feet, somehow.
How could all your sagacious words spoken are no longer important?
For I know that you would fight for what you think it was right.
How could you be the "not-understandable"?
You set all free, left all things unspeakable.
How could your expectation switched?
Wake up now... You are no bitch!
How could you pretend that everything is running like the way it is?
For I know it all has been changed unlike the way it should be.
How could you fall for this fuckin shit?
While you know that he's already married!

Hey You!

How could you?


Photo taken from

Friday, August 03, 2007

Ambeon - fate of A Dreamer

When Astrid had agreed to work along with Arjen's new 'ambeon' project, he send her all kinds of current work in progress mixes. Each time he finished something he sent them over to Astrid. Originally it was meant that Astrid wrote some lyrics and singingpaterns on those 'old' Ayreon songs which Arjen completely revamped. In the end most songs are completely unrecogizable. These songs would originally form the new album along with some guest performers. But when Arjen heared Astrid's voice he promptly got the idea that she would simply sing along with some numbers which wouldn't been written by Astrid. But as the work progressed very smoothly it changed and Astrid did all the lyrics and melodies herself. After all it all was quite a challenge but Astrid is proud of herself and satisfied with the endresult.
Astrid van der Veen:Vocals and backing vocals
Arjen Lucassen:Acoustic and electric guitars, analog keyboards, samples and weird noises
Stephen Aestregt:Acoustics and electronic drums and percussion
Walter Latupeirissa:Bass- and fretless bass guitar
John McManus:Low Flute and Uillean Pipes on 1,3 and 7
Pat McManus:Fiddle on 3 and 7
Erik Norlander:Additional synths on 8 and 9, voice of news reporter on 9
Lana Lane:Reversed backing vocals on 3 and 9
Recorded, Produced and mixed at the 'Electric Castle', by Arjen. Music written by Arjen. Lyrics and story written by Astrid. Originally released in 2001 by Transmission Records (TM-030)

Cold Metal
Sick Ceremony
A Lost Message
Sweet Little Brother
[taken from]


About Ambeon: [taken from]

Ambeon is mysterious and ambient side project of Arjen Anthony Lucassen featuring Astrid van der Veen, a young and very talented female vocalist.

In 2001 the album Fate of a Dreamer was released, when Astrid was only 14 years old. The single 'Cold Metal' was released with a few bonus tracks, and the song was also featured on a Dutch compilation sampler for Gothic music called 'Into Temptation'. The album Fate of a Dreamer is currently out of print.

Although Arjen and Astrid are still in contact with each other, there are no plans yet to make a follow up to their debut album.

Astrid is currently in theEndorphins. For more information on this band and on Astrid, please check their site.

Astrid released a solo album called "Seemless Borderline" in 2005. You can order this album, as well as pre-order a re-issue of Astrid's first solo album "Beautiful Red" at theEndorphins website, then go to the Merch section for information on how to order.


About The Album:

Amazing....!!! I fell in love in the first hearing!! This album succeeded in taking my breath away. So dark, so creative and so unique. Particularly I love the "Cold Metal" song [Me & Rinsdark could sing that song again and again and again and again...] and we've made decision that one day our band [GELAP] must bring this song on stage. Astrid brings out her best vocal. She has a unique - kinda flighty - voice that i'm quite sure no one can ever copy it. I also love the "Surreal" and "Ashes" songs [Ashes, the song-title with my band, yay! hahaha...]. Those two songs are also amazing and have a great power of dark-weirdo atmosphere.

Really, u should hear this album, especially for those who like to catch the atmosphere of one's song. u can download their songs HERE.

...Be breathless...


Wednesday, July 04, 2007

GELAP will perform on an event called
"Sound of Soul"
that will be held on July 16-22, 2007
at WTC Mangga Dua
GELAP's performance is on July 16 in the noon
And we'll bring our new songs from our new formation


Monday, June 18, 2007

Dark Legion

My other pages:

I want to introduce my Dark Legion Family to u, guys :)

Chimmy a.k.a FEAR

Rinsdark a.k.a NIGHTMARE

Goddess a.k.a LUST

Agni a.k.a PAIN

Die a.k.a DEATH

Ira a.k.a SIN

Amor a.k.a MADNESS


Renee a.k.a SORROW

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Hopeless soul

He's skulking out for the sun to rise, sitting down the aisle with a cigarette in his right hand and a black rose in the other hand. His eyes are never to rest, his mind is never to gratify and his heart is never to cease, until he finds the veritable mean of forfeiting. He tries to see everything beyond some logical reasons so he can obtain a new mindset of his own about how things can ensued him. A blackening core – deep inside him – has been wounded badly. He had trying to find a blaming so he could claim it as somebody else’s defection. He can’t stand seeing his own reflection when he yelled at the mirror, asking about whom to blame for his own tricky mean game.

And now he tries to find the justification to what he has done, when he finally recognized how many preys have falling down caused by his crave upon a black pearl. He finally wins it… A black pearl, which actually can never be owned. And his winning has to be paid by the loss of a red diamond. It slipped out from his hands, down running with the sunset.

The sunset that he can only see from the distance…

The hopeless soul is firing down his cigarette with blood tears streaming down, counting days until his doom comes.

He loses…

- g -

Sleepyhead walkin the dawn..

Red full moon....

Saw things upside-down

An hour phone-talk in the nite

Severe headache

In the midlle of nowhere in the darkness

Bizzare emotional condition

Hardly asleep

Tired mind

Sleepyhead walkin in the dawn...

See things in obscurity

Missing my mom badly that it hurts me folly

Hhhh.... I had a diluting morning

I need a hug

- g -

Thursday, April 19, 2007


I present this to you costless

You can see it all over on this reckless desire

Like an open gate at the dark mansion without guardians

I’ve wrapped my heart with steeliest wall

Locked it up with a spell that only you can tell

I’m this nude… I’m this weak

Standing within you

What’s on the world has given you that light?

When it’s all I wander in my dark paths

That “lost” is the only word best describe the end of my journey

I’ve been an escapee

Built my own world when I no longer found conformity on the other one

And you’re my escapism…

You’re my exuberant…

You’re my narcotics…

As I always harassedly need you in a lethal dosage

Diffusing harshly and haunting my fragile heart like a ghost

I’m whipped… by my climax… my orgasm…

By Y.O.U

- g -

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Nagabonar Jadi 2

Setelah kemerdekaan, NAGABONAR (Deddy Mizwar) seorang diri berhasil membesarkan anaknya, BONAGA (Tora Sudiro) - buah hati hasil pernikahannya dengan KIRANA (almarhumah), yang kini sukses jadi pengusaha di Jakarta.

Sebagai anak, BONAGA memiliki persamaan watak dan karakter dengan Bapaknya: jujur, bertanggungjawab, dan juga sama-sama tak mampu menyatakan cinta pada wanita. Dengan jiwa kepemimpinannya, BONAGA - bersama POMO (Darius Sinathrya), RONNIE (Uli Herdinansyah), JAKI (Michael Muliadro) - mengelola bisnis yang strategis. BONAGA bersama tiga sahabatnya merupakan cermin anak muda modern: metroseksual, pintar, cerdas, dan dinamis.

Konflik utama film ini adalah saat BONAGA dan sahabat-sahabatnya ingin 'menjual' kebun kelapa sawit milik Bapaknya di kampung halamannya, Sumatra Utara, kepada investor dari Jepang untuk dijadikan sebuah resort. Tentu saja NAGABONAR sangat marah sebab di kebun itu terdapat tiga kuburan orang yang 'selalu hidup' di hati NAGABONAR: KIRANA - istrinya, MAK-nya, dan Si BUJANG - sahabatnya. "Apa kata dunia?"

MONITA (Wulan Guritno), konsultan bisnis BONAGA, yang cantik, mandiri, profesional, dan mencintai BONAGA, berusaha menjembatani konflik antara Bapak dengan anak itu.

Pertemuannya dengan UMAR (Lukman Sardi), anak seorang pejuang yang jadi sopir bajaj dan menjalani kehidupan sederhana, menjadi titik balik sikap NAGABONAR dalam melihat dunia dan kehidupan.

Maunya sih kasih bintang 11 deh buat film ini. Emosi gw bener-bener dikocok sama film ini. Ada satu scene yang mengharu biru dimana air mata gw udah diujung mata, tiba-tiba gara-gara celetukan ngaconya Nagabonar gw yang ada ngga jadi nangis tapi malah ngakak lagi!! Berlaku juga sebaliknya, pas lg asik2 ketawa tiba2 langsung adegan mengharukan. TOP banget deh ini film. Bisa jadi ada si ganteng Tora / Darius, ada si cantik Wulan Guritno, ada si lucu Indra Birowo / Ully..Tapi menurut gw, Deddy Mizwar tetep primadonanya di film ini. Love his acting sooo much!!Sumpah, LOE RUGI klo sampe kelewatan ni film!! Ngga nyesel gue sampe niatin cabut kuliah buat nonton film ini di sama bro Ardi dan temen-temennya di Setiabudi One, hehehe... Emang dasarnya lagi bosen banget ma rutinitas, ngabur & nonton Nagabonar emang refreshing banget!!

Apr 9, 2007
Setiabudi One
Iwed, Ardi & friends

Line fave gw waktu Nagabonar ngedorong anaknya si Bonaga buat ngomong ke Monita...

Nagabonar: Sudah cepat sana kau ucapkan 'selamat malam Monita' atau 'selamat tidur Monita' atau apalah... terserah kau saja, 'selamat idul fitri' juga boleh!!