Monday, November 17, 2014

[The Day] Officially 30!

Alhamdulillah Allah has given (and is still giving) me a life full of blessings till this far. I only have one wish; to give me a healthy body & mind for many years to come, so I can keep taking care of my family - the most precious thing Allah ever gave me.

Happy rocking birthday, Iwed. Oh wait, that's me!

November 15 - The Scorpio girl!

 Officially 30. Officially happy!

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Eat on your own plate.

some people are just plain shallow and mean they can't stand seeing everybody else's happy achievement. they'll see greener color when looking at someone's grass and it makes them feel unsatisfied. they whisper lies behind her back so others will turn around and stand against her though she didn't do anything wrong and remained harmless. they left her no space to defend herself and wherever she goes, others will throw cynical glance at her.

she gets fed up with this lousy cheerleader-type of bullying, it feels ridiculous and stupid. because it happens by a stupid reason. everyone has their own plate. she deserves the lunch menu on her plate that she has cook / bought and so do others. people can't just take her plate and eat her food by force or intentionally nudge down her plate and ruin the food she deserves to have.

you go for your own blessing and make yourself worthy of earning one. be thankful for the smallest thing you have instead of always comparing it to others' because it won't be enough for you until you own the universe - which by the way won't ever happen till the universe itself vanished. own your blessing and stop cursing the blessings other people are having while you're not. think again, have you make yourself worth it?

from now on, she won't be beaten up by some crappy cunning trick those mean people will do to her. i won't be beaten up by some crappy cunning trick those mean people will do to me.

eat on your own plate and leave mine... you wrinkly old hags. :)


Monday, September 29, 2014

[Review] Lacuna Coil - Broken Crown Halo

I was so thrilled when Cristina Scabbia announced in her Instagram in the end of 2013 that Lacuna Coil will release their 7th album called Broken Crown Halo at the early year of 2014. IMO, overall this album is better than their last album Dark Adrenaline (2012), except of course the tracks "Give Me Something More", "Kill The Light" and the super sweet cover song of R.E.M "Losing My Religion", always be my fave ones of Dark Adrenaline album. But in the Broken Crown Halo, they dare to add some new atmospheres of a darker, bolder and more powerful music, packed with honest lyrics. I feel some new Lacuna Coil who still keep their 'signature' style of musicality.
Try listening to "Die & Rise", "I Burn In You", "Victims" and "One Cold Day". I particularly love "Zombie", "Die & Rise" and "One Cold Day". The piano in the track One Cold Day is somewhat soul-sucking, mind-blowing and surreal at the same time. And in Die & Rise, I looove love love when Scabbia sings her mother tongue lines,

Risorgero in ogni momento poiche
So che in vita si tramutera
(Damn! So sexy!)
I hope their next album will have the same kind of hardness and softness in their music simultaneously. And seriously, they need to sing a full gothic metal song in Italian language. I dig it <3

Would rate 8 out of 10 for Broken Crown Halo. Good job, guys! Ti amo non importa cosa ;)


Friday, September 12, 2014

To the hell and back.

clock’s ticking dry like a jaded spy
awaits here on the black frail chair
despise the fact that no one will come
though the doors are wide open, my love

i keep swallowing sweet lies at your goodbyes
watching own heart gets blackened to soaked ebony
sucking clouds of smokes enticing agony
you’re no longer remember me, my love

i can’t swim inside your mind, their locked
said you’re open to me but really not
once this boat’s crushed, you, i and the rest will diffused
i'll no longer be your Muse, my love

whispering voice clinging to ears, hear?
escorting sad little souls willing to sell
empty gold incantations of the past are finally spelled
to embrace your vividly blurry future next to hell, oh well…


While listening: 

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

[Writing] soulcramp.

there was a time when i succumbed to things just to acknowledge the fact that life doesn't always give you sweet candies. or maybe i was hoping to gain a better, bigger something for me in return. in time, i then found out that it led to nothing but to swallow more bitter pills of life. it's crushing me from inside though i don't sense it oftentimes. i'm always being too naive, or even too proud of my own hypothesis, though i know it's not right. it saves only my angst, not my soul. i still nurture that beast inside me who keeps whispering dark things to my head. it successfully grow insecurity within me and tend to linger there permanently. i must have mistaken the meaning of succumbing from losing. now, no more solid patches i can catch. no more pieces of this broken entity i can save.

they're just ashes all over. saying that it's over.

it's over.


Thursday, August 21, 2014

[Thoughts] You'll see!

I might be naive oftentimes but I'm not stupid.
you'll see

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

[Writing] About her: Diandri Almira Widi.

Assalamu'alaikum, readers!


Wohohoho... How are you? All is well hopefully, yes? Aamin...

How am I doing? Never better! Why so? Well, let me introduce you with someone....

Pic taken by hubby

This cute lil girl is Diandri Almira Widi. We call her "Andri".

Diandri = My & hubby's name (buDI & ANDRIani). Andriani is my last name :)
Almira = The word is from Arabic language (also used in Greek language) means "Aristocrat or Princess" - a noble call to a woman.
Widi = From a Sanskrit language, means "knowledge" or "intelligence".

My second child, my first daughter. Finally was born safely to the world on April 26, 2014 at 3:48 pm through sectio surgery, and weighted 2.65 kg. Alhamdulillah, now I have a pair of amazing kids! What more could I ask? Thank you, Allah <3

Speaking about Andri, she was born 3 weeks earlier than the due date. As I have told you in my blog titled "[Writing] 200gr", Some 'condition' occurred in my fetus. First, the fetus didn't grow as expected, she only weighted 1,5 kg on her 30th weeks, when she should have weighted 1,7 kg. Second, it seemed that there was a very smooth leakage of the amniotic fluid as there was a quite significant decrease of it (normal amount is 10, mine was just 7.8), and third, I was having an early contraction on my 33rd weeks so then I was hospitalized for two nights to prevent the early contraction from getting worse. The obgyn gave me two times of injection to mature the baby's lungs (in where my vagina felt so fucking itchy couple seconds after the injection. Bummer, haha!), in case the contraction continued and I needed to deliver the baby that day. But Alhamdulillah she stayed inside my belly a little longer, hehe... I was probably being too exhausted everyday at work. Almost everyday, I went home at night, went to and from work with motorcycle, plus I did exercise at the gym 3 times a week. DANG!!

"What the hell was she doing?", you'd prolly ask that question in your mind about me. Yes, I - too - feel stupid, come to think of it. People say you'll live your life easier and more relaxed on your second pregnancy, regarding you're experienced enough to take care your fetus and all. But no. Heck no. I skipped one most important thing about pregnancy: DON'T GET TOO TIRED. But that didn't stop me from being a badass overworked woman, wasn't I?

I'm sorry, my baby bunny. You were the one who had to bear your mommy's mischievousness *sighs*.

After being hospitalized from March 26 - 28, the obgyn forbid me to work again. So after a week of bedresting, I submitted my maternity leave form to the HR staff & my boss. I have 20 "empty" days, meaning I was going through 20 days on bed, just laid down having what my body and my fetus had been screaming since the beginning; RESTING.

And still no baby. What kind of maternity leave was that? Meh.

During my early maternity leave, I must.. bold, underline and italic this, I MUST eat six egg-whites everyfuckingday!! Not to mention a pile of vitamins & special meds to help gaining my baby's weight, and 2 glasses of hi-protein milk. GAAAAHHH!!! That felt like f.o.r.e.v.e.r. I swear God now I'm a bit trauma with egg-white. Na'ah... Won't eat that thing again for about a hundred years ahead, lol! Then I have a weekly meeting schedule with my obgyn to control the baby's progress. Everything went well, till on my 37 weeks of pregnancy (around April 20), the obgyn found no happy progress on her weight. In a week, she only gained weight below 100 gram, "That's it. You're having a surgery a week ahead, lady. She ain't growing inside there anymore (pointing my fat belly)." Then I thought, "Well that's not bad. At least she could hold on inside me for a month since I was hospitalized". I was scheduled to have a sectio surgery on April 27th, but then she must be taken out a day earlier because the amniotic fluid decreased again from 8.8 to 7.1.

Pic taken by hubby
With the chubs-chubs (I feel like eating those cheeks, lol)
A day after she was born, my breastmilk had come out. Yeaaay... Learning from my previous breastfeeding time with #LittleRayyan, I already pumped my milk the day after my surgery - of course along with bfeeding Andri. Must be honest, I felt soo guilty to her, esp when knowing she just weighted 2.65 kg, while her brother weighted 3,3 kg when he was born. So I was like turning into a breastmilk bitch. I'm all about breastfeeding and breastpumping. I ignored the 'quite-maddening' pain that I felt post surgery, what mattered to me was only bfeeding her & collecting the milk since the beginning. I have collected more than 6 bottles of milk @60ml during 4 days of recovery at the hospital. Seemed to be destined to do that, on Day-3 Andri's bilirubin (hematoidin) was 11,7. Not too high but couldn't be ignored as well. The DSA suggested a blue light treatment to Andri for a day. You know the rule, aight? During the treatment I couldn't breastfeed her, so the pumped breastmilk I had been collecting was very useful. Till today, Alhamdulillah I have collected enough (even a lot) stockpile of breastmilk inside the freezer at home. I already got back to work since last week, the struggle to pump the milk has begun ladies and gents. I determine and demand myself to bfeed Andri till she's 2 years old - just like her brother. She must grow as healthy as possible with my breastmilk. I have to make it up to her to remove the guilty feeling I've been bearing, hehehe... Wish me luck!! *fingers crossed*

Breast is Best!!

May 18th 2014

June 7th, 2014

July 13th, 2014

One nice thing to know is that Rayyan's and Andri's birthdays are so close to each other. Rayyan is on April 24th and Andri is on April 26th. Hohoho... It's a blessing thing to us - parents right? LOL.

Anyway, my hubby had been collecting videos since my first trimester of pregnancy till Andri was born. The video has up on Youtube. It's our little present to her just so someday - when we're not in this world again - she could see how much her parents love her and want the best for her, for her brother as well. They're everything to me, they're the air I breathe, the charger of my battery, the water for my dry throat. They're my ultimate antidote.

Rayyan Widi Alastair & Diandri Almira Widi

Taken by hubby

Enjoy the video, I gotta go now... Pumping! LOL. Have a nice day, peeps. Happy fasting and enjoy the Eid Fitr's allowance (Or should I say, THR??). Yeeehaaaww...! :D