[Poem] Judge me.

Yo, wazzup?

I'm warming my feet up

Sitting around looking lout

I saw you walking in the crowd

Dreaming that someone's care enough to stalk

Don't bother to look or to stop

To just checking the stalker out

Don't hallucinate things you think you've got

You don't own what's ticking in the clock

The temperature has never been this drop

The warmth around here has been robbed

By a central-ego head jug

Yeah huh, one rotten heart-clot

Would love to see flowing blood

Run from up down and above

Neither a villain nor a thug

I'm just a girl holding a grudge

See, someone is stuck, clogged!

Who fakking cares with a judgmental brock?

Standing there like an untrue snob

Oops, am I being rude? I'm sorry... NOT!

Peace out.

G.

[Poem] Flee!

Where should we go, my hobbled footsteps?

Her last trace has been erased by my my rain of tears

In silent whispers I called her

Wishing that she could hear it, or anyone else who could

And send it to her

Where should I look, my puffy eyes?

Her last silhouette has gone along with the miserable dawn

In the darkest hour I swore

I would never fall down and never leave her behind

Because she and I were meant to be

Why should I breathe, my creaking lung?

Our time might have been stopped long time ago

I've drawn transparent lines in between these paths

I can't hold her arms while we're stepping in different ground

While I'm breathing without her...

I said hello to her world last night

Was she there?

I cried my blood through all the holes last night

Was she stare?

I missed her so much it ached me to my weakest

Was she care?

People are living for their own reason

And so am I, and so was she

By that matter I beg You

Knees down

Hands up

If only, You allow me...

Without any wing on me, without any circle mark above me

Let me see her glaring face smile upon me

O' Lord... Let me touch her pale flawless skin

Without any thick transparent lines in between

Let me FLy frEE. Let me FLEE!

If only, Mummy...

G.

PS: For my beloved Mum. You're in the best hand now, I do believe. Just don't mad at me for being such an annoying daughter who cries while yelling at her mommy for a shoulder to cry on. Because really mom, I was, am and will always be your little girl. Forever...

[Brainwaste] When I feel blue...

So when I feel blue...

Will the rain stop and kiss the wind?

Will they embrace me in toxic dream?

So when I feel blue...

I walk upon Your footprint

Surrender my heart to the lucid path

I knew You were there... Somehow somewhere

So when I feel blue...

My naked hands are raised

About Your existence, I bow

I can hear the universe is pausing

And billion people's voice sounding, Your name

And mine was the loudest. In my ears.

So when I feel blue...

I won't go nowhere far from You

I won't be anything worse than I am

Be whom the wind minds to blow

And the rain minds to pour down

I feel blue...

For not being (so) close with You

And for that, forgive me...

Rabb...

G.

[Poetry] A dry cracky hope

You are the mannequin of whom people love to stare

As dashing as one wishes to be

As dreamy as one can’t be

You get all people’s second glimpse

Once is never enough

Yet twice will be a bit too much

This craving from underneath

Screaming in hissing whispers

Crawling upon my naked desire

Shoving to the bleeding surface

Can’t you see this?

Mind me,

I’m checking the cold feet

While pressing the almost-jammed Pause button

This is a wait-worthy, thee…

Supposed to be, most likely

Mind you,

I set my bets already

Twice bigger. Half expected. Risking to its fullest

Ready to fool my fate to the lowest

Can’t you hear me?

It’s just like contouring shades of vanishing shadows

In the last needless effort of me, clearing the smokes

Then I stumble upon a dead-end

Only to bewail a happy ending for nobody

And when I look around, there I see

No one beside me

No one besides me.

G.

Pic from here.

I, a blossoming kind.

I, a blossoming kind.

I'll light up the night with my fragrance.
I can suddenly withered if touched by something without tenderness
I can be a good companion for the rain and make you love me even more after

I, a blossoming kind.

Treat me carefully and you'll safe from my thorns
Never actually wanted to be born with it
But God loves me so He creates it for my fortress

I, a blossoming kind.

Yearn for nothing but a comfort garden
Where it can keep me safe from any unwanted hands
The hands who possessed with evil minds
Let me blossom in your land

Forever

I'm opening my sheaths.
Away from your death.

G.

Vivid twilight

I couldn't help this smile
didn't last for a while
as clouds dance in the sky
so don't ask why

why sappiness drowns you
why you have to go through
why birds don't sing in the right pitch
it's as if they scream you 'hey bitch!'

let the eyes open but not too wide
you wanna see the world but just don't gone wild
let the arms reach but not too high
you wanna let your dreams warm don't let it dry

colors are flashing from the above the hill
let me watch let me feel
let them make me forget all the lies
screw all the jealous people, i'm alive!

G.

Perdus dans le rêve.

A glimmer burst in my eyes and drew vivid ray
When I laid back here and took breaths as they were all taken away
I tried to keep what I have with my remaining strength
Cause all I have had turned to something completely strange
My feet were walking in decent rhymes
My hands were swinging in solid blind
Stepping onto you, a stranger once were recognized
With glaring hazel eyes standing, waiting in disguise
Look at you, wistful-looking face…
I was simply thought I know you
Just by a second glimpse
I was thought you are true
My mind should now be hardened blackened as a rock
Should be enough of being deceived I could just do save skin and block
Hissing around as smell and silhouette came out
After for target that should be no one, should be none
But I kept walking onto you
Though somehow I knew you would never be true
I believed in false figure as I would never believe in anything else
I breathed in your air and dreamt in your sleep
When the light turned on, at forever last
You remained a mirage
I had my wake up
When were yours?

~ G ~

Cerita Si Congor.

Cerita sang Congor

Congor.

Sebenarnya si Congor adalah wanita yang sangat cantik. Sebenarnya si Congor adalah wanita yang sangat menarik. Namun dia ber Congor.

Congor.

Mungkin kalau dia ditanya, hal apa yang paling dia kuasai, dia akan dengan gamblang menyatakan semua hal dari A-Z.. Apapun selain merujuk kepada Congor -nya. Namun tetap saja, dia akan menjelaskan semuanya dengan panjang lebar menggunakan Congor-nya. Segala sesuatu yang paling menonjol dari apa yang terlihat pada dirinya.

Congor.

Lebih sering berdusta dari pada berkata apa adanya. Lebih sering melihat apa yang ingin dia lihat daripada menerima kenyataan yang tidak sesuai dengan nafsu perangnya, terutama dengan nafsu Congor-nya yang sudah sangat tidak sabar ingin menyebarkan fitnah pedas panas ke semua telinga yang sanggup menampung lahar Congor-nya.

Congor.

Ingatlah, one day di alam baka, senjata utamamu itu akan di tutup se erat-eratnya. Bahkan kekuatan maha dasyat si Congor dalam menyebarkan sampah-sampah pelipiran ke segala jurusan pun tidak akan mampu dan daya untuk membuka sekat pengerat kedua batas bibir yang merah merekah itu. Ingatlah, bahwa walaupun telinga, mata, hati, tangan dan kakiku tidak berCongor di dunia, mereka akan berlomba berkata bersaksi atas senjata Congor yang kamu gunakan di ke fanaan.

Cukup saja si Congor membabi buta di dunia, nanti… tinggal akhirat yang menyudahi kelakarnya

Si Congor pun

Sepertinya

Meregang nyawa.

~ G ~

Sweet Nightmare.

My body was half solid

My breath was all toxic

This lying-under-surface beauty was forsaken

Appeared as if all were brusquely taken

I kept questioning myself

To the dark sky, to the blind wind

To the colorless rain with unbearable pain

To the smirking spy, with dreadful pale skin

Still, the answer was buried under my contra prediction

I could only make the unfinished conclusion

While she, standing on the breeze of the icy rooftop

Was coming closer, with pointing finger

The sound in my head was yelling some misspell words

Couldn’t help it was just make things get worse

My feet were as heavy as they were stuck

The remaining voice sounded afar

Had to go and leave

Must not see

I bended not to the creepy lady

But there... she was finally here

Beaming as it wanted to say that this is my end

Yet here… I was staring there

Hoping for a way out the same time with hoping there will be something happen

Would I wait for her to strake me first?

Or would I not?

Fear had taken me, it made me blacked out

And for the sake of my sacred dried tears, I opened my eyes

I saw red, I saw eyes and I saw blood in my grasp

I saw you, lying there with no life

As I finally came back to the earth, grasping for more air

To be able to slowly pervade really

I knew you…I knew you...

I knew you…

PS: Based on my sweet nightmare couple days ago.

Pic By: DeviantArt

~ G ~

Sacred moon.

Night turns indulging butterflies

Moon ups and goes diversifying colors

I lay here waiting

You walk there seizing

Thousand times have I seen it

still,

it feels like seeing for the first time

Watching what God could create

And it remains me for nothing to doubt

So why are you still there?

Come here

Do me.

06/15/09

~G~

They think I'm weird.

I own something they don't

I speak different language

I wake up at night

I sing with sweet revengeful banshee

I love my black long hair

And so they think I'm weird.

Atypical historical

A woely arduous mental

I feed my own deeds

I try to be honest to the fault

And honesty must always been paid off

Painful as what it literally seemed

Yet painful feels so tediously numb

In these eyes I shed dry tears

Collecting every pieces remain

Of the broken dry dreams

They looked darkly beautiful

I desire to live that way

Dreamy ever after

And so they still think I'm weird?

Why don't just slay them all?

~ G ~

The Unaccepted.

She can’t feel the wind blow

She can’t tell to where they go

Paralyzed, the unwanted ghost crying in the corner

The night starts singing, they won’t end the night

They won’t end the torture, the ghost still has to face the massacre

She can feel all eyes staring at her

They’re drooling, their fangs sharpened

They speak as they detain

They laugh as they bite

They scream as they kill

And they kill as hell

She doesn’t want to feel anything anymore

Like a one-winged angel, she losses her power

No arm

No shoulder

No one

She’s the unwanted, she is the princess become the scum

Excruciating, like a werewolf seeing a full moon

Delivers painful messages through injuring

Something she would live forever with

Something she would bear as weakness

Something she would become

The unaccepted

She would do wrong for the rest of his [unreal] life

Screaming will be muted

Protest will be a pantomime

Body will be wasted

Hand will be petrified

Tears will be useless

Death will be heaven

The unwanted remains still

Night seems unfriendly

Where dark cannot offer comfort anymore

The owl hides its head, it tells it cannot save her anymore

To the fanged fear, to the bitten reality

To the fake saint who kills your soul discreetly in faux blissfulness

She wishes to be unseen

The ghost wishes to be a ghost.

- G -

The tongue.

Something without bones is mean. Something without bones is merciless. It attacked me several times on the head. It made me bleed, it made me fallen into the deepest darkest hole under my frailty. It delivered messages that would haunt me for years that I could barely erase them from my knotty mind. I tried to close my eyes and covered the imagery of that boneless thing with something more content, and I couldn’t. That shapeless form stabbed into the center of me and left marks it went all into the corners of it. I just followed the drift powerless, though I didn’t want to be any part of it.

 

Something without bones scares me a lot. It crawled into my bed and slipped inside my dreams. It contaminated them until I could no longer brave enough to lay back and sleep well again. It screeched with pitchy tones and said something sharp through my dreamy reflection, still inside my dreams. I couldn’t find the answer of how hard it was to cut this unpleasant contact.

 

Something without bones is gluey, as gluey as when it said horrible things about me. Even when I never said, or never did. It just glued, and it would stick on me, until like…

 

Forever.

 

~ G ~

 

For You: “Thank you for the LITLLE COWARD heart inside the BIG BLUFFING mouth.”

For another You: “Thank you for being such a DISAPPOINTING FRIEND ever be.”

And for the last You: “Thank you for the jealousy upon my existence. I’ll keep being your forever nightmare, coz you’re such a BIG SHORT FAT entertaining fool.”

Breaking in.

I want to shut it up

I will torch the tradition

Put an end to it

I will make an eternal silence

To a loud superficial convention

To a strictly unbreakable set of mind

I want to get over it

I will cork my ears to deafness

And plug my eyes to blindness

Yet I will widely open my heart

I will unleash it to the maximum limit

Let them see what lies beneath it

I want to stop it

I will stand in the middle of the road

Put both hands aside me

So they won’t be able to move forward

Watch me taking my heart from inside my chest

It’s bleeding, red and tortured

I want to break it

Burry all wounds in the vault

Where no one can reach it any longer

I will mend their damaged thoughts

Establish a needful revolution

I will safe them from the doom

I won’t get any helped by me

I don’t need that

Coz yet

I’m already breaking in.

Rival.

I knew it would be you
Who broke the line
Told me we would be fine
Until one of us were fallen

I knew it would be me
Who answered your call
Told you that you were wrong
Until I could prove it to your shocking mime

I knew it would be us
Who got enough to each other
Told nothing and acting a stranger
Until we gone old and limping

I knew I wouldn't be known
The reason why this would happen
A scenario that was already written
Until the last page that is filled with a blank

I knew you have known
That in the end
God knows everything that we don't

~G~

* You know how hard it was to deal with, but I knew that I would be the last one standing here.

Playing God.

Holy men never exist
Not a baby, nor even a priest
They manifest evil in every breath they catch
They experience things and they feed evil thoughts
They are blessed with feeling, brain and senses
They are condemned with hunger, fear and greediness
True and false will be their lifetime enemies
Merit and sin will be their forever worst nightmares
Everything in this world will have its end
But why not to God?
Every creature will choose its path to heaven or hell
But why not to God?
Why God never wants to own what we have,
Though we always want to own God’s power?
Why God never envies us,
Though we are ready to kill and to die to be in His position?
Men never created to feel truly satisfied
Nor even be wholly perfect
But they give rank, they give rate, they give score
They give reward, they give punishment
They judge, they value things and they label things
They establish egocentric thoughts to a form named “law”
Whether it was made unintentionally conscious
Or intentionally unconscious
Law has been said as mass legally compromise
They said it is mass legally agreement
And there they are
They form a new mindset of humankind
Because they judge, innocence exists
Because they value things, the accused appears
They collect power and hide their weaknesses from disclosure
A power with several unbelievable ingredients
It is include a bottle of fear, 10 spoons of passion
A cup of cowardice, a full bundle of stupidity
Mixed with a bowl of polluted brain capacity
They are all mixed up in a pan of money
Burnt in a flame of greediness
That is how law is made
That is how they started to question God
That is how they lose their self-consciousness
That is how phenomenon plays games upon men
Soiled their holiness, ruined their innocence
Screwed their goodness
Where finally some deceiving goodness hide in mask only remain
I started to question myself
Why heaven still has to be there,
If men are all playing God?

~G~

Vamp I are.

I am a crazy mind, I am deaf and blind.

I am abstractly defined, I am red as blood and warm as wine.

I live at night, whereas my eyes are open wide.

Even with no scent and light, I still can see where you hide.

I am the moon’s angel, she crumbles when I stumble.

The heat is so flammable, we are so close and mingle.

With my wings I fly, to the earth and sky.

Until the stars are all dry, to then I will fall and cry.

I’m the unwanted shade, they are hoping and wishing me fade.

And no other winter can I create, I let go all of what I should take.

The wind soon to be blowless, the sky goes darkless.

The owls are singing toneless, as the sacred night is remaining pureless.

I am a night owl, my heart is fragile yet peaceful.

I am impulsive and not desiring power, I will soon diminish in an hour.

I show not my existence, when the sun goes persistence.

Daylight is my resistance, so numb and full of hesitation.

I am the wolf’s sound, I wander in unbound.

When the flesh and blood has been found, peacefulness of night is profound.

And there goes the death of her

Taking her lifetime pledge burying under

Her grave.

~G~

SAD-ih.

Saya SAD-ih.

Saya tidak bisa lagi merasa sedih dalam kesedihan.

Saya SAD-ih.

Saya melihat sedih-sedih itu bersedih pada saya.

Mereka bergumul sedih mengetahui saya tidak bersedih.

Saya SAD-ih.

Atas segala fatamorgana dunia yang menyedihkan bercengkerama bersama jiwa saya dengan nada sedih.

Atas segala kebajikan dan dosa yang saya lakukan yang bersedih atas saya, yang terlihat tidak bersedih melakukan mereka semua.

Atas segala luka, noda dan goresan yang saya buat bersama sedih tanpa kesedihan melingkupi jiwa saya.

Saya SAD-ih.

Sedih tak bersedih untuk saya lagi, mereka bosan bersedih untuk saya, mereka pikir saya menyedihkan.

Maka sedihlah saya, atas ketidaksedihan saya melihat sedih yang bersedih karena saya menyedihkan.

~G~

Photo of & Edited by: Die

Yang adalah milikku.

Kau pikir buat apa aku tak beranjak dari peraduan biru yang kini sedang kau percikan noda darah diatasnya dengan rona benci berbau tengik di sekelilingnya? Kau pikir setan apa yang merasuki tiap desah nafas yang ku curi untuk kemudian aku buang dalam dengusan rendah penuh gurauan demi melihatmu menari-nari dalam siluet hitam tak berwajah dan hilang begitu saja dalam satu desiran angin? Kau berkelakar jenaka tentang bagaimana seorang wanita telah menodai dirinya sendiri diatas panggung penuh dengan ribuan pasang mata rubah-rubah bedebah yang menatap nanar sang wanita yang sedang memperagai bagaimana ia tekah mengubur dalam-dalam hati kecilnya demi mencicipi bagaimana rasanya seonggok nafsu benci, membenci dan dibenci itu. Dia pun [membiarkan dirinya] ternoda dalam kubangan takdir tanpa pernah mengecap arti sebuah rasa dan perasaan.

Kau kira buat apa aku memasang telinga tajam-tajam dan membuka mataku lebar-lebar untuk memperhatikanmu – masih tetap ditempatku semula – melucuti satu persatu pakaianmu di depanku dan memperlihatkan ketelanjangan memprihatinkan yang membuatku terpekur merenung tentang kekuasaan sekaligus kekejaman Tuhan kepada siapapun makhluk yang telah Ia tandai? Kau kira surga mana yang sudi menampung tumpukan daging dan tulang belulang terbalut kulit yang mampu berjalan dan berotak namun tak mampu menemukan cara bagaimana menggunakannya selain untuk menyebarkan kebencian dan bau tengik itu sebisa yang dia mampu? Kau kira kejujuran apa yang sudi namanya kau pinjam untuk mencecerkan serpihan harga dirimu yang tercabik-cabik di ujung jurang di bawah langit? Kau kira sehebat apa panca indera bisa membawamu ke puncak atmosfir bumi jika keberanian urung membantumu melaksanakan skenario alam yang bisa membuatmu bertahan? Kau kira sejauh mana kau bisa melangkahkan kakimu diatas angin jika malaikat telah enggan berdekatan dengan kenistaan bau tengikmu yang telanjang merebak dan mematikan nafas sang semilir?

Kau kira kenapa mereka melakukan semua itu padamu diam-diam dan tanpa aba-aba?

Peringatan telah datang padamu agar kau menyudahi tarian telanjangmu itu demi meraih dan mendapatkan apa yang seharusnya tidak [akan] ada dalam lembar kisah perjalananmu ke alam kubur, setelah sebelumnya bongkah kebencian bau tengik itu menggerogoti tiap inci dirimu dan setelah sesudahnya tak lain dan tak bukan kau akan dikenang sebagai “si bongkah kebencian bau tengik dan telanjang memprihatinkan yang mati diatas panggung saat menari bersama bom waktu yang dengan sadar tidak ia sadari kian hari kian menjerat nadi lehernya dan menebas hidupnya hanya dengan satu kali ledakan.”.

Kau kira kenapa kau bisa mati begitu mudah? Ku pikir karena kau mencoba menghalangi segala rasa – di luar kebencian berbau tengik – melingkupi peraduanku dan bersanding bersamaku, yang [seharusnya] adalah milikku.

~G~

*kau kira…? Aah, temukan dulu bagaimana cara mengombinasikan dan menggunakan bongkahan daging, tulang belulang terbalut kulit itu bersama otakmu, setelah itu mengira lah.

Personal satisfaction.

Dia melesak menyalak bagai serigala galak berlari tersentak-sentak menguar bau sangat menyengat dari bayangannya yang berkali-kali mengelebat dalam pekat gelap yang terhirup serap diantara deras lebat hujan yang terdengar berderap bahkan aku pun terkesiap melihat serigala itu seperti meratap pedih pada angin yang dihujat pada langit yang didebat dia merasa paling hebat sampai ia tertawa dengan nafsu menggelegak termakan kesombongan watak tergerogoti ketamakan otak terus saja menyalak pada selongsong kosong yang tak berontak yang terus saja menetap ditempat ia berpijak dan tanpa gentar menatap serigala dengan kekerasan yang mantap dibuatnya si serigala pengap tanpa memutuskan mata untuk berkontak dan serigala tak tahan lalu berteriak sampai suaranya serak sampai tenggorokannya rusak sampai darahnya mengendap sampai dagingnya berkarat sampai semua orang memandang dengan makna yang sarat dengan satu kata: SARAP!

~G~