Friday, February 11, 2011

LDR, oh... LDR.

Akhir-akhir ini, entah karena pengaruh atau sebab apa, kalau sedang pumping gue susah sekali dapet LDR. Dalam 3 kali sesi pumping selama 10-12 jam berada dikantor, bisa jadi hanya 1-2 sesi gue bisa dapet LDR, itu juga 1 sesi paling 1x LDR. Padahal segala cara-cara baru supaya gue bisa merasa nyaman saat pumping (kecuali terpaksa menerima kenyataan dikantor gue ngga ada nursing room dan harus pumping di rest room) udah gue coba; dari mulai setel musik-musik kesukaan, bawa minuman kopi / teh (hahaha, ya benar! Saya bawa minum ke rest room) sampe nonton film-film fave sambil pumping. Awal-awal percobaan cukup membuat hati gue senang, nyaman dan akhirnya si LDR lancar jaya. Tapi selang beberapa minggu kemudian (dan gue mulai kehabisan space di HD karena kebanyakan downlod album musik & film), kembali si LDR susah didapat.

Kadang gue berpikir mungkin gue butuh suasana baru waktu pumping. Dalam artian tempat baru. Now if you were me, doing breast-pumping three times a day at work for almost a year (it almost defeats the routine of eating and breathing) at the same place every single day! How you must be feeling? Kalo loe ngga bosen, loe pasti seorang alien, atau setidaknya semacam mutant begituh... Karena walau semangat untuk memberikan ASI dan ASIP untuk Little Rayyan ngga pernah berkurang sedikitpun, gue ngga bisa pungkiri bahwa ada saat-saat dimana rutinitas pumping gue ini sangat sangat membuat gue bosan!

Pernah satu hari disaat gue sangat memimpikan untuk bisa mendapatkan LDR saat pumping jauh lebih bergelora daripada gue menginginkan gaji naik 3x lipat, seorang teman nawarin gue main ke apartemennya ngga jauh dari kantor gue. Gue iseng minta ijin buat sekalian pumping di tempat dia. And guess what? Di apartemen temen gue itu gue bisa dapat LDR sampe 3x dalam 1 sesi pumping itu!!! Gue sampe amazed sendiri gue bisa ngerasain 3x LDR sedangkan sebelumnya dapet 1x aja udah sujud sukur.

Pernah terbersit dalam pikiran gue untuk menjadi pioneer pertama yang mengajukan permohonan ke manajemen kantor gue untuk membuatkan ruang yang kecil saja, ngga usah besar banget asal nyaman, yang kemudian bisa kita sebut sebagai nursing room. Bukan apa-apa, gue udah beberapa kali baca di internet kalau terdapat bahaya ASIP bisa terkena virus-virus ngga baik kalau kita pumping di rest room, mengingat itu adalah tempat yang ngga bisa dibilang higienis. Tapi apa daya, cuma itu satu-satunya tempat yang bisa provide some prvacy. Pernah kepikiran apa gue nekad pumping di cubicle gue aja ditutupin pake apron / nursing cover, tapi ruangan gue itu ibarat jalan protokol... Segala macem manusia lewat depan ruangan gue. Se pede-pede nya gue pumping di meja sendiri tapi kalo ada bermacam ekspresi tatapan mata setiap lewat ruangan gue liat gue kebungkus kaen aneh panjang dan tangan terpusat di bagian (maap) toked kan... agak.. males... juga... yaaaaa.... -_________-

Yah, begitulah... Lagi pengen ngeluarin uneg-uneg gue aja. Selama ini temen-temen kantor gue ngeliat gue sebagai seorang ibu yang semangat banget untuk kasih ASI buat Rayyan (kalau kata temen gue "militan ASI", hehehe). But they have no idea how hard it could be, kecuali yang "been-there-done-that", mereka biasanya lebih empati dan pasti ngedukung gue, others? Banyakan ngetawainnya & ngeledeknya daripada ngedukung.

But it's the art of being a mom, isn't it? The ups and downs... Semua pada akhirnya jadi terasa indah dan menyenangkan. Tiap hari pulang bawa oleh-oleh buat anak, kalau udah sampe rumah anak liat kita sambil melet-melet, tanda dia kangen nenen sama kita. Lucunya... priceless!!

Oops! udah jam 10:30, time for the first pumping session. Oh, LDR... datanglah dikau! Please...

~G~

Let down reflex:
An involuntary reflex during breastfeeding which causes the milk to flow freely.
(Taken from here)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

What doesn't kill me, will make me even stronger.

I somehow don't want those things get in my way and take me too deep in a hole full of miserable. I don't want to sell my initial happiness with it and I don't want to take it for granted. I know I still have power left to fight against them, even if it has to be my last fight. I was bleeding to have what I'm having right now. I know I still can bleed more to defend it.

God hear what I ask, what I'm mourning for. God see what I fight, what I'm struggling for.
He shall see me bleeding the road if it must, for I know He will not kill me for doing it.

Coz what doesn't kill me, will make me even stronger.

God bless.

~G~

TGIF



This morning I went to the office with bad feeling. At first I thought it was something with my home or my Little Rayyan. On the bike I kept guessing the meaning of this anxiety which somehow I couldn't answer why was this feeling attacking me in a sudden. Told my husband about this, had to call home right away. But nothing happened there (Alhamdulillah), yet this feeling was still there. Not so long after that, my boss came to me and reconfirmed the meeting he must hold at 9:30 this morning.

"It's on Wisma Bakrie 1, pak" I answered.
"No. It's on 37th floor, Wed." he persisted.
"The calendar invitation mentioned WB1 instead of 37th floor, sir. If there was a venue changing in the last minute, they should've told me earlier. But no short notice received, sir".

Shocked and maybe felt like he was been fooled, he hurriedly go down to the lobby and yelled, "Call my driver now!"

Okay. I love this new office I'm working at now. It's nice, big, clean and whatever we need. But one thing, one crucial thing ruins the conformity; NO SIGNAL DETECTED HERE. On some REALLY particular spots you will get it, but the rest is the mystery (to refine the word "disaster").

Back to the story. So I called my driver once, "Unreachable", the phone screen showed. I called again for the 2nd time, 3rd, 4th, 5th... I called him for almost 10 times in a row and still his cellphone couldn't be reached. I called the car call at the lobby. My boss gave me a call, "Wed, he isn't here yet. Have you call him?", "I did sir but it seems that his cellphone is out of the signal."

"Should I really have to care bout that now, Wed?", Okay Wed, stop talking. Give the magic words, "I'm still trying, pak." Click, he cut the line.

I tried to call his cellphones again and again, and for forever last, the phone connected. Fiuhh, God!!

Told him to stand by at the lobby a.s.a.p, but when I was about to smile for this stupid achievement, my boss called me again,

"This is pathetic. I'm on my way to WB1."
"Errr... " Couldn't sure his driver drove that fast from the basement to the lobby, plus my boss' voice sounded... unfriendly *smirk*
"By a CAB!"

Nah! That answered why he sounded so unfriendly, then...

"I'll told him to go straight away to WB1, pak. So sorry, the signal sucks".
"Okay, never mind." He sighed.

Huff, that was close!

Bad feeling doesn't always related to the family issues, huh?! Learn from that today *deep inhale*

Let's pump sum milk then, hope the bad feeling will go or else I won't get my Let Down Reflex moment -_____-

Thank God it's Friday!!!

~G~

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Glittery hitches, bitterly glitches.



Tough things (should) make me strong and make us even stronger. These days probably are one of those toughest time for us. We've been hit by some unwanted situation several times in a row. I know Allah is aiming His eyes on us now, He is giving some trials for us to intensify our religious foundation and our faith to his Mightiness. I really think that we are being rebuked by Him for some of our negligence and ignorance through these time. Yet in other way, it is showing that He expresses his affection to us. And for that, I thank Him more...

I am recalling tough time we had back then when we were dying to convince people (who were against us) that the love we had was so pure and strong and that we will hold hands together to face the bittersweet realities upon us, to resolve all problems standing in front of us, ready to stumble us down. Until the grip is broken, until death breaks it.

And now, we should do what we already did not so long ago; standing side by side, face up, calm down and ready to withstand the storm of hitches and glitches together.

I have to always remember one thing; We may have big problems, but our God is BIGGER.

باسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

~G~

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Kembung.

Saya kembung
Seperti kepenuhan isi
Entahlah apa
Tapi saya merasa tidak berisi
Seperti kembung saja
Penuh tapi hampa
Rasanya mau ke toilet setiap saat
Membuang sisa-sisa kotoran lengseran dari si kembung
Tapi tidak bisa. Kembungnya ngadat
Seperti tersumbat tidak mau keluar
Tidak ketemu jalan keluarnya
Toiletnya pun rusak dan kotor
Jadi makin kembung saja melihatnya
Mau dibuang kemana ini kembung?
Kentut saja susah, bikin makin sakit rasanya
Dan sekarang hanya bisa pasrah
Menunggu si kembung sadar akhirnya
Bahwa disitu bukan tempat untuknya
Mungkin dia bisa cari orang lain untuk dikembungi

Sementara
Saya masih tersakit-sakit menahan kembung ini
Sendiri
Tanpa orang lain harus menyadari...

~G~

Monday, October 25, 2010

♥ Alhamdulillah... I finally passed it! ♥


Woooow! Akhirnya anak gue lulus S1 ASIX juga! What a struggle, man... Setelah dulu hampir menyerah dengan ASI eksklusif (ASIX) dan berniat memberikan Little Rayyan susu formula (Sufor), akhirnya dengan perjuangan, konsistensi dan niat dari hati, anak gue bisa mendapatkan apa yang sudah menjadi hak asasi dia sebagai manusia --> ASI! Oh yeah, buat kalian yang belum menjadi ibu, mungkin berpikir bahwa memberikan ASIX kepada anak selama 6 bulan sambil bekerja itu tidak akan sulit. Oh wow wow wow, wait until you experience it yourself! ;p

Little Rayyan - new born (April 24, 2010)

Menunggu nunggu kapan lahirnya bayi yang sudah ditunggu banyak orang ini. Kontraksi tak kunjung datang, flek hanya keluar sedikit2, padahal senam hamil, jalan pagi & sore, minum air putih sebaskom sudah dilakoni... Tapi baby ini masih betah didalam rupanya. Duh, Nak... Mama ingin sekali melihatmu...

Mama sms DSA-mu, balasannya "Datang saja hari Sabtu sore ini, kita check up seperti biasa. Don't panic, everything's gonna be okay." Sampai di RS Herm*na jam 3, mama senam hamil dulu seperti biasa. DSA mu praktek jam.6, mama dapat bagian di saat jam menunjukkan pukul 7 malam. "Kita USG dulu ya Bu" kata si dokter. Semua oke, ngga ada kekurangan satu apapun, "Yang kurang cuma ngga ada kontraksi ya? Perut tegang pun ngga ada, Bu?" tanya DSA-nya, mama menggeleng. "Coba kita cek air ketubannya ya, kalau masih banyak mending tunggu 2-3 hari lagi kalau ibu bersikeras persalinan normal"

Waktu di cek air ketuban, DANG!!! "Bu, air ketubannya berkurang drastis!! Tinggal 40%. Sorry, we can't wait any longer. Ibu ngga mungkin melahirkan normal, takut bayinya lengket di janin. Kita operasi ya Bu. Lebih baik Ibu ngga usah pulang kerumah lagi. Telepon rumah, minta siapin baju2 untuk perawatan disini. Kita operasi malam ini juga." MY GOD!! Mama belom siap sama sekali. Gimana rasanya dibius lokal? Sakit ngga? Suami boleh ikut masuk dok? Saya kan mau IMD dok, kalau SC masih bisa kan? Serentetan pertanyaan (plus rasa panik gila2an) melanda mama bertubi-tubi sampai mama ngga bisa berkata apa2 di jeda waktu menunggu detik2 di operasi. Mama ngga sabar mau nimang kamu, Rayyan.. Tapi mama juga ngga siap kalau kamu harus keluar lewat "jendela" instead of "pintu"...

23:45 --> Kamu lahir.. Mama teriak ke DSA km untuk segera taruh kamu di dada mama. Tapi kata dokter anestesinya suhu kamu ngedrop drastis dan harus segera di inkub. Mama teriak suhu kamu bisa normal asal mama peluk sambil IMD, dokter bersikeras bawa kamu menjauh dari mama. Mama sukses... sukses GAGAL IMD!! Mama marah banget waktu itu... Mama udah niatan mau nyusuin km eksklusif & IMD itu berperan SANGAT penting buat keberhasilan mama menyusui kamu, but they made it impossible for you to get your rights - my milk - in the first place. Hey, dokter anestesi.. FUCK YOU!!! *hanya bisa berkata dalam hati sambil lemah lunglai karena masih dibawah pengaruh bius*

Pagi hari, April 25, 2010

Mama ngga bisa tidur semaleman, Nak... Papamu tidurnya juga jadi ngga nyenyak karena kasian ngeliatin mama resah semaleman menunggu kamu dibawa kekamar perawatan mama. Mama mau nyusuin kamu. Haduh, sebel banget kalo diinget2 lagi kenapa lama sekali susternya bawa kamu ke mama. Mama cuma berdoa dalam hati semoga suster2 itu ngga ngasih km sufor. Akhirnya kamu dianter ke kamar mama. Iiiih,,,, YOU'RE DEFINITELY GORGEOUS!!! Your nose sucked my attention, boy... Mancungnyaaaaa! hohohohoho... Si suster langsung siapin posisi menyusui, "Bu, kalau bisa ASI eksklusif yah... Ngga ada susu apapun yang menandingi kandungan ASI" kata susternya. Alhamdulillah, ternyata suster2 disini pro-ASI.

Pertama nyusuin kamu, aduh.. tes tes tes... Cuma setetes2 yang ngalir ke mulut Rayyan. Mama sampe ngga pede apa ASI mama cukup buat kamu. Susternya melihat kegusaran mama, kata dia, "Ngga apa2 Bu, ibu beruntung ASI nya udah keluar walau cuma tetesan aja. Banyak ibu2 lain yang sampai 2-3 hari belum keluar loh ASI nya. Sabar aja, yang penting PEDE & relax yah". Mama inget pertama kali nyusuin kamu itu memakan waktu 3,5 jam!! Wow, tangan mama sampe pegel gendong kamu, Cuplis! Hihihi.. Papanya langsung kasih kamu sebutan "Pangeran Nenen", hahaha...

Middle of May, 2010

Kamu mengalami yang namanya Growth Spurt, pertumbuhan bayi yang terjadi sangat cepat. Akibatnya bayi bisa menyusui lebih lama dari biasanya. Seharian dek kamu nyusu di mama. Asal kecopot aja nenen mama dari mulutmu, kamu langsung nangis gila2an. Walhasil mama cuma bisa lepas nenen dari kamu waktu mau ke kamar mandi & salat. Makan? Mama disuapin nenek kamu, dek! Coba bayangin, ahahahaha... Sempet mama mikir, apa ASI mama kurang yah? Makanya km nyusu seharian ngga puas2?

Suatu malam km terbangun dan nangis sampai berjam-jam. Mama takut kamu kenapa2, jam 1 malam mama, papa sama nenek pergi ke klinik terdekat dan periksain kamu. Km cuma dikasih vitamin, tp mama bimbang.. Vitamin? Buat bayi? Emang perlu? Bener ternyata ngga ngaruh, km tetep nangis malam2 seperti biasa, sampai kakek nyeletuk, "ASI nya kurang tuh! ASI km ngga banyak. Anak km nyusunya kenceng lagi. Beliin susu formula aja", DANG!!!! Karena lack of info, lack of confidence dan namanya juga new mommy yang banyakan paniknya daripada calm down-nya, akhirnya mama "termakan" omongan kakek. Apalagi pas kakek dengan sukarela membelikan kamu sufor. Kali pertama mama kasih kamu sufor (dan hati mama pedih banget), kamu lahap banget nak mimiknya. Sampe mama akhirnya yakin penyebab kamu nangis karena kurangnya ASI mama, hix...

End of May, 2010

Dua minggu sudah kamu "tercemar" susu formula, dan mama masih saja selalu merasa sedih setiap kali harus kasih kamu susu itu. Sampai suatu malam, saat biasanya mama udah siapin sufor buat Rayyan kalau tengah malam kamu bangun dan haus, tiba2 timbul pikiran badung mama buat ngga nyiapin sufor buat kamu. Mama ajak Rayyan bobo sambil nenen. Kamu mau, lho! Alhamdulillah... Tinggal mama deg-degan nunggu nanti malam kira2 kamu mau ngga mimik ASI mama walau aliran susunya ngga sederas kalau kamu mimik dari botol. Dan bangun lah kamu sekitar jam.2, nangis. Mama ngucap Bismillah dan sodorin nenen mama ke kamu sambil bisik ke telinga kamu, "Sayang, ASI mama masih banyak, lebih sehat lagi. Biar Rayyan pinter, mimik ASI aja ya Nak", dan amazingly... kamu mau!! Kamu nyusu dengan semangatnya sampe 1,5 jam! Ngantuk mama ilang berganti dengan semangat dan rasa percaya diri. Anak gue mau nyusu lagi!! Aaaahh, senengnya ngga terkira, dek ^^ Lambat laun mama stop penggunaan sufor buat kamu, hanya dalam waktu 2 hari kamu udah bebas sufor lagi dan pindah ke ASI eksklusif lagi. Alhamdulillah, my confirdence raised drastically ever since. Sejak itu mama gila2an Googling everything about breastfeeding. Sampai mama ikut milis Asi For Baby & follow @aimi_asi di twitter. I gained tons of useful information about parenting, nak.. Mama beli Buku "Smart Parents For Healthy Children" dari Markas Sehat. Semua untuk Rayyan, semua untuk smart parenting. Dan perjuangan mama nyusuin kamu juga kamu dukung sepenuhnya. Kamu bantuin mama tanpa banyak protes dan rengekan. Thank you, Rayyan-ku. Pintarnya kamu...

July 19th, 2010

My first day of work (again!!), after 3 months of maternity leave. You can never tell how hard was it for me to leave you at home with your granny & nanny. Di motor otw ke kantor mama nangis inget Rayyan. Mama pengen teriak ke papa untuk antar mama balik kerumah lagi. Rasa2nya ngga sanggup ninggalin anak mama yang masih 3 bulan kekantor seharian. Duh! Bener2 deh rasa itu ngga enak banget! Sampe sehari mama nelepon kerumah sampe 4x, nenekmu sampe marah2 ke mama dan bilang kalo Rayyan baik2 aja dan ngga usah khawatir, hehehe...

Perjuangan pumping dimulai. Mama udah bertekad dari mama hamil untuk bisa kasih ASIX sampe kamu 6 bulan. Mama udah mulai pumping & stok ASI dari sebulan sebelum mama balik ngantor lagi. Isi freezer udah penuh dengan ASIP mama, ihiiy seneng deh! Setidaknya mama jadi lebih pede buat ninggalin Rayyan kerja. Minggu & bulan pertama mama kerja juga semangaaat banget mama pumping. Sehari 3x, pagi, siang dan sore. Seneng liat hasil pumping seharian, mama bisa bawa oleh2 setengah liter ASIP buat Rayyan.

Awal Ramadhan, August 15th, 2010

Mama dapat kabar kalau nenek buyut kamu sakit parah. Udah ngga bisa bangun dari tempat tidur, ngga bisa ngomong dan ngga ngenalin wajah orang lagi. Nenek Rayyan sampai nangis2 terus dan berkali2 bilang mau pulang kampung buat jagain nenek buyut Rayyan. Dan bener, nenek akhirnya pulang kampung. Rayyan sama mama aja, sama nanny aja. Mama ngga sadar setelah ditinggal nenek kamu mama jadi stress. Ngga ada tambahan bantuan tangan untuk ngurus Rayyan. Tiba2 di bulan kedua mama kerja, ASI mama berkurang drastis!! 40 cc aja dua payudara sekali pumping. Padahal biasanya mama bisa dapat 150-200 cc!! Ya Allah, mama kaget banget!

Akhirnya mama curhat sama nenek kamu. Mama bilang mama stress di kantor & stress mikirin Rayyan dirumah kalau lagi mama tinggal kerja. Nenek kamu nyaranin untuk ke klinik laktasi buat cari pencerahan. Akhirnya mama kesana, mama ngga mau tekad bulat mama untuk kasih kamu ASI kandas ditengah jalan. Padahal Rayyan udah mau 4 bulan. 2 bulan lagi sebelum Rayyan lulus S1 ASI...

Setelah ketemu konselor ASI, mama beberapa kali spare 5 minutes di musholla habis shalat untuk relaksasi. Mama berdiam diri, sambil berdoa semoga Allah masih kasih kepercayaan ke mama untuk ngerawat Rayyan sekuat yang mama bisa. Alhamdulillah ngga sampai seminggu produksi ASI mama bisa balik ke semula lagi. Lagi-lagi semangat mama bangkit lagi. Stok ASI yang mulai menipis jadi makin banyak lagi ^^

October 24th, 2010

Yaaaaay!! Hari ini mama seneeeng banget! Akhirnya kamu lulus S1 ASI juga, nak! Haduh rasanya 6 bulan itu lama banget! Tapi di lain sisi juga berasa cepet. Tiba2 kamu udah bisa ngoceh, udah jago tengkurep, bisa duduk, mulai berdiri walau masih dipegangin. Udah bisa marah2 ngomel2 sendiri kalo mama/papa cuekin padahal kamunya minta diajak main. Udah bisa nendang2, jambak rambut papa, cakar muka mama. Bahkan kamu udah bisa tergagap-gagap nyebut, "Ma ma ma" atau "ngga", padahal kamu masih 6 bulan! Wow! Anak ASI emang hebat yah. Mama bangga banget sama kamu, Cuplis. Walaupun rambut kamu numbuhnya ngga rata (hihihi...), tapi setidaknya kamu ngga langganan sakit yang aneh2, ngga kaya temen2 sebaya kamu, anak-anak sufor yang langganan kena flu/demam/batuk/diare minimal sebulan sekali. Kamu ngga. Kamu sehat, lebih sehat dari yang bisa mama harapkan. Kamu hebat Nak.


Jadi, mama rasa ngga salah kalau mama merasa bangga bisa berikan kamu yang terbaik. Hak kamu sebagai manusia. Hak kamu sebagai anak mama, bukan anak sapi. Karena itu, hak kamu dapat Air Susu Ibu.


Mama dan Papa sayang Rayyan, mwah!!


~G~

Monday, October 04, 2010

Aku malaas.AVI

Playing with his daddy. Learning to crawl steadily but he was too lazy and tired to even try it. So he was just moving his head up and down as fast as a second, LOL.


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Breast is BEST.



It was what I read on the nursery room at RSIA Hermina, Bekasi when I went there with my Die, my Little Rayyan and the nanny. We went there last Saturday, I wanted to meet the lactation counselor to ask her some important questions about breastfeeding. For the past week, my milk was rapidly reducing, and I couldn't figure out why. Some said about my eating disorder or maybe the imbalance of my meal nutrition. But some others said (and this made sense more than the previous one) that I was being too stressful and tensed.

The lactation counselor taught me the basic knowledge about breast milk and breastfeeding. How to breastfeed you baby, the right position in breastfeeding him, how to improve the quantity of the milk and how to be successful in breastfeeding the baby for the WM (working mom) like me.

It is never easy, to successfully and exclusively breastfeeding your baby for six months and then extended it with the supplementary food until he is 2 years old. Many mothers - especially the working moms - give up in breastfeeding and substitute their babies' demand on milk with formulas. From the five pregnant ladies (were) at my office (and all them have become mommies), only me who's still breastfeeding my son exclusively. Two of them gave up and give their babies formulas, and two others combine the breast milk and the formulas to fulfill the babies' need.

And I swear God, ladies and gents... It is so fucking damn HARD to keep my spirit up high and my commitment to give Rayyan exclusive breast milk until he is 6 months. Still 2 months to go and time suddenly runs so.. so.. slow when it comes to survive in the exclusive breastfeeding thingy! First of all, you need your husband there to support you every time, anytime and everywhere you need him. To make your husband supports you, he has to be the breast milk father first. A breast milk father is a father who knows ALL about the importance of breastfeeding and give the baby only his mother's milk until he is six months. And a breast milk father is so damn hard to find, because most fathers assume that all the breastfeeding thing is mothers' stuff, not theirs.

My husband was one of them, the not-breastfeeding father. He didn't know anything about breastfeeding, he gave all this matter to me (because I'm the one who got BREASTS! Oh please...) and when Rayyan started to cry, he said maybe it was because he was hungry and my milk didn't fulfill his need over milk, so he suggested me to buy formulas!

Stupidly, I was being intimidated too deep (noted that my family was also not a breastfeeding family) that I finally gave up with my spirit and gave my Rayyan formulas :'(. It lasted for almost 3 weeks until I realized of how stupid I am for being too selfish to myself and not taking Rayyan as my priority. I chose an easy way without concerning about his healthiness. Ever since, I directly stopped giving him formulas and collected my self-confidence once more that I am able and MUST be able to breastfeed my baby exclusively until he is six months.

Alhamdulillah, I could do re-lactation to Rayyan with no difficulties. He was so clever and never whined to have some more milk that what I could give to him. And Alhamdulillah, apparently my milk is enough for him. No other thing a mother needs a lot than a full support from her loved ones. I could finally gain a full support from my husband and family after giving them some articles about breastfeeding. Slowly but sure, my mom started to support my activity to pump and to stock my milk a month before I got back to work, so Rayyan still can drink my milk while I'm on work. My mom took care of him while I was doing breast pumping. On weekend, Die took over the duty to play with him. My spirit leveled up and my confidence boosted. It was all from them, the people of my life. Not to mention all my friends from AsiForBaby mailing list. Thanks to them, I could learn and know all about motherhood (Though I never met you, but I love you all, smart mommies!)

Back to work. I felt like I was thrown from my bed to the lake full of starving alligators. They are all chasing at me, grinding their sharp teeth and be ready to eat me alive. I was shocked for how much work I have to do in such a little time I had, and I haven't experience the tensed working atmosphere anymore for three months. How ugly was that? I was pressed down, thrown right and left, jumped up high and BHAM! fell hardly to the earth again. I wasn't ready to face all these rushes at work. That's when I was getting depressed and stressed.

Yet, I didn't notice that until last week, when I had to let go my Mom. She was going to our hometown to take care of our sick grandma. My helper has gone... Thank God I have Turni, my nanny. She's an experienced and neat nanny. She only needed 2-3 days to be closed emotionally with my Little Rayyan. I am so thankful to have her as our nanny. I don't have to be worried that much when leaving him to work. But still, it didn't reduce my tensed and stressed feeling... Until I realized that my milk was reducing. After asking advices from some friends, I decided to go to the lactation counselor to seek for another helper and spirit booster :).

Still 2 months, 2 long months to go before I can say "Alhamdulillah", or "Yay!! I did it!". I don't wanna give up. I won't give up and I must not give up in breastfeeding my baby until he doesn't want it anymore. My milk is his human right. If I don't give him his right, I don't deserve to be called a good mother. And I hate a word "bad".

Hope all my efforts to improve my milk will succeed. Bismillah... I'm sure Allah SWT will help me getting through this noble duty. Of course, by HIS will. I know you will help me God... Help me doing this "jeehad" thing without making any anarchy behavior, LOL.

Bismillah, wish me luck, guys ^^

~G~

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Things I can do again post delivery.

I once said that being pregnant can officially bound you in an absolute way, in every way. You have to put your pregnancy above all your priorities and no compromise for it. I was there not so long ago. I had to put aside several of my fave things that could harm my baby. Yet in other way, my baby made me learn to be more tolerant and reduce my selfishness and self-centered as well (thank you, my handsome! Love you sooooo...)

And now, I have my Little Rayyan born safely and healthily to this world. Though I still have to control the dosage of consuming and wearing these things while I am still breastfeeding him, yet I'm now back to be able to do these things without being worried too much. Those are:

1. Sushi.
Yes. I'm sooo crazy about Sushi, especially Tekka Maki and Spicy Salmon Roll. I fancy Sashimi also. They are all sooo delicious and I can't picture myself get bored with those. But ever since I got pregnant, Sushi was forbidden to be eaten by me. Or it should be... Yet once and twice I still ate those foods when being pregnant, LOL. Well, I've said I never get bored with Sushi, wasn't I? ;P







2. High heeled shoes.

I used to be a girl who hated to wear hi-heels. Thanks to the table manner course on the class when I was still at college, I suddenly felt comfort wearing them. Moreover, when at work, wearing hi-heels is like a "uniform" for my girl colleagues.











3. Headbanging.
Stiffed neck is a proper payback after headbanging. But one thing you can't pay is the satisfaction when doing it. I could harm my baby inside my embryo if I did it back then when I was pregnant. But now... It's free!!! ;P


















4. Durian
.
The heat produced by Durian made me have to stop munching one of my fave fruits; DURIAN. It's bcoz it could harm my embryo. Several pregnant ladies lost their babies after eating too much Durian and most of them who didn't realize that they were pregnant. And when realized it, it's a little too late :( So yes, avoid Durian when you're pregnant, ladies.















5. Black Coffee.
Did not really know the harmfulness of drinking black coffee, but IMO, black coffee consists of much more harmful substances than other kinds of drinks like tea or creamed coffee.














6. Legging
.
It was simply becoz my fat wide bubbling tummy did not fit in with the common-size of legging. LMAO.
















And how about you, Mommies? ;)
~G~

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Life... Oh life.


Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
doo, doot dooo

One of my fave songs by Desree... Yeps. Sometimes life can make us say "Oh" or "Yeah" or maybe we could just sigh about it. Life is a teacher, a game, a circuit, an insane existence, a roller coaster. Things change, so do people. And mine is one of them.

I never could figure how my life could be in the next year or in the next day. I remember the first time I opened an account here in Multiply, I was just a student and still got lots of academic achievements to reach. It was 4 years ago. And look at me now.

Married. A new mom. A good job (Alhamdulillah) and no longer a vocalist of Gelap.  Who could predict that? The ups and downs I've been through. And I can never be any more thankful to Allah for what I have achieved until now.

When the first time I met Die on June 2007, was when I watched his ex-band's gig - Purgatory - at Bulungan with some random friends who - ironically - have been separated now. Only one left to be my purest friend among the rest. Frankly speaking, I never had any special feeling to him. He's nice of course, but that was it. I had set my mind that I will only treat him like my other boy friends. He was (and still is) one of the purest boy friends of mine. Never had any hidden meaning when running the friendship with me. His ignorance yet gentle attitude. His down-to-earth style. His good and sometimes sarcastic sense of humor. All of them make me - and maybe his other friends - comfortable to hang out with him. Who knows what will happen to us?

And now he is my husband.

When I was still at colleague, I and my besties sometimes wondered who will be the first one to get married. Those with unclear love status (and it was often me. Hahaha) were considered as those who will get married the latest. With my track record in love relationship, I failed many times. I'm not like Dian, the one who has been in relationship with her boyfriend (and now has become her husband) for 10 years! Or I'm not like Rae, the most picky girl I've ever known. For 6 years in colleague, she never had a boyfriend. Just a lil crush to this boy and a bit flirting to that man... But none left on her heart until she met Sidi, her husband now. Me? Oh, the dumb ass adventurer who will always ended up alone and broken. Yeah, I don't belong to hurt but belong to be broken (damn!).

Yet apparently, I was the second person among my six besties who found my soulmate and got married.

When being offered a job in my office at 2007, I didn't have a good feeling that I could improve my career here, regarding that the company I am working for is one if the biggest companies in Indonesia. At that time, I still studied at colleague and put my work as my second priority, because I still had to finish my final paper in order to graduate. Let alone the love relationship. Ever since I broke up with my serious ex-bf in 2006, I never... I repeat, I NEVER met a good man. I met lots of them, flirted and dated some of them, but they are all jerks. Until I met Die on 2007. So fuck romance at that time. I put my priority to my final paper and in improving my career. The first position I came into was being a receptionist. Not much work to do, did not have to go overtime, but had to have a big BIG heart and a wide WIDE smile. I didn't complain anyway, with a loose job, I could sneakingly do my final paper while at work. And Alhamdulillah I could do it. Who knows that in the next month the HR Manager offered me for another position?

And now I have become the secretary of a Chief Communications & Administration Officer and do several stuffs of Public Relations duties, my field of expertise.

I love music. I do sing and I played guitar a bit in high school. I always  desire to have a band. I have been in several bands until now. Pop, alternative and the latest was progressive gothic metal. I firstly met this (used-to-be) friend of mine at Senayan on June 2007, when we were watching a metal gig. She just formed a new band named Gelap then she gave me their single titled "Ashes". Frankly speaking, I did love the song. Not so long after that, she came to me and asked me to follow the audition for the second vocal in her band. Surprisingly, I was looking for friends to form a band after I graduated. Felt like fate, or maybe it was, I joined Gelap on July 2007. Lots of gigs, lots of new friends from the scene, lots of upsets for the jaded fee or the jaded gig committees, lots of member and manager changing. Who knows what will happen 3 years later?

I was disbanded from the band for - IMO - purely personal reasons from her. I decided to cut  all form of relationship with her ever since.

Several years ago, I always thought that having kids is a disaster! Getting married is a suicide (Just like her writing. So representative. Like it a lot, sistah!). No more freedom in this world, my world. After getting married, I and Die had agreed to cancel the pregnancy. We wanted to extend our dating term and had fun as much as we could. But Lord, a motherhood is really a natural sense inside every woman alive, no matter how tomboy, how metal and how independent she is. Two months after married, I BADLY craved for baby.

And now I have the most-handsome gorgeous creature on earth I can call as my child, Rayyan Widi Alastair.

Life. One I consider as a huge game of God. A game I must win. A game I must succeed in facing all the obstacles and booby traps inside it. A game I should find the runaway exit with a ticket written "Heaven" on it.

Life. The most logic thing that often drives people mad and un-logic. When foes become friends and friends become foes. Many things of life we cannot find the answer. It's beyond our competence. It's when God works.

But one thing I still believe in life is... miracle. When nothing else is sane enough to accept, miracle completes it. And I'm thankful for my miracles; Die, Little Rayyan, my besties ,time, heart and wounds inside it.

"Time heals all wounds" -- Kikan Namara of Cokelat.

~G~

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Rayyan Widi Alastair.


Born: April 24, 2010
Time: 23:45
Location: RSIA Hermina Bekasi
Delivery: Section

RAYYAN --> From Arabic language means the guardian of Heaven.

WIDI --> From a Sansekerta language means konwledge. It also stands for deWI and buDI.

ALASTAIR --> From a Gerika language means a protector of mankind.

So we pray that our son could become a smart and brilliant protector / guardian for everyone he loves and could bring us - the parents - to heaven, Amin... ^^

Love you so much, my Little Rayyan

~ G ~

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

- d.o.n.e -




Even a dog knows when is the right time to bark. It does not always loyal and is willing to lick your dirty feet all the time as you wish. My suggestion? Go lick them by your own, dog handler. I'm DONE! \m/

~G~



Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Rayyan Widi Alastair.


Counting weeks, counting days, counting hours, counting minutes and counting seconds until the day when Allah gives you permission to born to this world. I'm so can wait, and really CAN'T wait... "Rayyan Widi Alastair" My first son. :)

Photo: my 34-week Rayyan in my tummy.
Edited: Die

Sunday, March 14, 2010

What was the weirdest gift you ever received?

A toilet paper as my birthday present long long time ago. That was because I often went to the rest room during the class transmission. Just to escape from the class / the lecturer :D

Ask me anything

If you could instantly become an expert at one style of dance, what style would you pick?

Booty-shaking. Not an ordinary booty-shaking, but a Beyonce's kinda booty-shaking, lol

Ask me anything

If you could have a super power, what would it be?

Of course... FLYING WITHOUT WINGS!!! :D

Ask me anything

What TV show makes you laugh the loudest?

Starting from the oldest: The Cosby Show, America's Funniest Home Videos, Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, Extravaganza, Tawa Sutra and the latest is Opera Van Java :p

Ask me anything

Friday, January 29, 2010

formspring.me

If you were offered the job of U.S. president would you take the job?

Anything related to Politics is so not me. So thanks for the job offer, but yes for the salary, hahaha :D

Ask me anything

formspring.me

sudah makan belum?

Sudaaaah, si Kriwil sudah kenyaaang, apalagi mamanyaa... hehehe

Ask me anything

formspring.me

Do you believe in ghosts?

I believe in spirit. Ghost only appeared once on 1990. Belated Patrick Swayze & Demi Moore, remember?

Ask me anything

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Lagi hamil minum kopi, amankah?!

December 24, 2007

Bolehkah Minum Kopi Selama Hamil?

Masalah :

Assalamualaikum wr wb

Dokter Zubairi Yth,

Saya adalah seorang penggemar kopi. Saya biasa minum kopi minimal lima cangkir sehari, di rumah, di kantor, dan sepulang kantor seringkali ke kafe. Masalahnya, saat ini saya mendapati diri saya positif hamil. Suami saya mengatakan agar saya menghentikan kebiasaan minum kopi tersebut selama hamil, karena dapat berpengaruh buruk ke bayi. Ketika datang ke dokter kandungan pun beliau menyarankan hal yang sama. Cuma rasanya berat sekali jika harus berhenti sama sekali minum kopi. Apakah orang hamil sama sekali tidak boleh minum kopi? Mungkin ada batas aman berapa kali maksimal saya bisa minum kopi sehari?

Rita, Jakarta

Jawaban :

Waalaikumussalam wr wb

Ibu Rita,

Sebelumnya saya ucapkan selamat atas kehamilan Anda. Minum kopi memang nikmat, dan banyak orang tidak bisa lepas dari kopi setiap harinya. Memang selama kehamilan, banyak hal yang perlu dicermati, salah satunya makanan/minuman yang dikonsumsi.

Penelitian-penelitian mengenai pengaruh kopi pada kehamilan saat ini masih memberikan hasil yang beragam, ada yang mengatakan efeknya buruk, sebagian mengatakan tidak ada pengaruhnya. Yang umumnya diteliti adalah efek kopi terhadap keguguran, kelahiran prematur, dan berat lahir bayi yang rendah.

Senyawa dalam kopi yang dianggap berpengaruh pada kehamilan adalah kafein. Namun perlu diingat, selain kopi, kafein juga terkandung dalam cokelat, teh, dan kola. Kafein juga sering dicampurkan dengan beberapa jenis obat, seperti obat flu, antinyeri, perangsang nafsu makan, dan lain-lain.

Hal yang banyak muncul dari penelitian mengenai pengaruh kopi pada kehamilan adalah efeknya terhadap keguguran dan berat janin meningkat sesuai dengan bertambahnya dosis kafein. Oleh karena itu, maka para ahli menganjurkan untuk menghentikan atau setidaknya mengurangi dosis kopi yang diminum.

Dosis kopi yang dianggap 'aman' adalah 300 mg kafein per hari. Satu cangkir kopi dianggap rata-rata mengandung 100 mg per hari. Namun, harus hati-hati dengan anggapan ini. Seringkali penggemar kopi menyukai kopi yang kental, sehingga jumlah kafeinnya per gelas akan lebih banyak. Selain itu, tergantung ukuran gelasnya, jika menggunakan mug tentu lebih banyak dari cangkir.

Harus diingat pula, bahwa minum kopi juga dapat menurunkan penyerapan terhadap sejumlah mineral yang penting dalam kehamilan, seperti kalsium dan besi.

Maka, untuk praktisnya, sebaiknya Anda hanya minum kopi secangkir sehari. Karena selain mungkin secangkir kopi yang Anda minum kandungan kafeinnya lebih dari 100 mg, Anda juga mungkin makan/minum sumber kafein lain selama hamil, misalnya cokelat. Kalau bisa, minum kopinya tidak usah setiap hari.

dr. Zubairi Djoerban

Sumber : Republika Online


***


Oh Kopi, ternyata kita tidak harus bercerai, kita hanya harus break sebentar. Sabar yang kopi hitam, 5 bulanan lagi kok....


~ G ~

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Surreal.

She smiles so wide. The happiness is at hands when she finally can reach it, or she thinks she can. The dream seems so lucid and real she barely can touch and feel. She refuses any reality check from every known person. Welcoming night is all she is, stepping one-two-three with jumping heartbeat and flies in her belly. It is an Eden in her own world back grounded by a heaven in her own universe she built in an unpainted painting vase. Then she stops to have a look, in a minute... And the other minute.

Her smile becomes wider. She will keep it.

She is on her dream.

Dream on.

~ G ~

Friday, December 04, 2009

The Bumils (cannot) wears Prada.

Damn. I'm suddenly wanting to wear my hi-heels again. It's been five months I haven't wear all of my hi-heels shoes. all of 'em are neatly stored inside my cubicle closet.

Still 5 months to go before you can wear them again, Wed...! Huhuhu...

*Aduuuh, tiba-tiba pengen cakwe... Jualan dimana deket2 kantor yah?





Photo: Me some years ago

Monday, November 23, 2009

It means you... two.

I am now standing at the most fragile foothold
At the end of the bitterness, whereas you ever once stood in here too
Like you've thousand-ly told me

See? You love to be in the midst of ambiguities
And hurt people around you as you have done for so many times
Hung their hopes upon your covered nothingness
And they would put their tongues out for watching you fall
Waiting as they would waste their times
Time which keeps ticking as it eats you
And it eats them
And you will all root

Again, I'm still standing here at the most fragile foothold
Thinking of what could have been
I hate this vagueness and I hate my nothingness
It's like the way I hate to hurt as they way I really wish to hate you

But on the second of my paradoxical thought
Would that make any difference?
While hating is the most ambiguous thing I ever felt
I am most likely to step back and ramp off
I will fill my nothingness to something
Something certain
Yes, something unlike you

I'm setting myself to avoid hatred
One thing you love to do most
And I'm avoiding it
Avoiding you

~ G ~

Friday, October 23, 2009

Very good topic, WRONG writer (The Jakarta Post article)

Porn is inside the mind, not in someone's breast when feeding her hungry baby in public place. The writer put a very good topic with a very superficial thought! Go brainstorm your mind and brain once more before writing.

BREASTFEEDING IS NOT PORN!!

Rrrhhh... GIRLS!



~ G ~

****

(This article is taken from The Jakarta Post, Tuesday October 20, 2009.)

Live porn aboard an economy train?

Tue, 10/20/2009 1:24 PM | City

One day last week I took the train, economy-class, from Sawah Besar in Central Jakarta to Depok in West Java. It was 11:30 a.m., the sun was beating down and it was hot, all the train passengers were sweating heavily in the airless carriage.

I was standing near two mothers sat with their babies aged about 12-18 months old, who were enjoying the breeze coming in through the carriage windows.

Twenty minutes went by, it was getting hotter, and one of the toddlers, looking tired, started crying. The wailing baby grasped her mother*s shirt and tugged, fussing and wriggling, throwing her body from right to left in her mother's arms. Maybe because of the hot weather, or due to hunger, or tiredness.

Standing around the mother were several male passengers. Endless minutes later, the howling baby was still struggling and grasping at her mother*s shirt. I watched the mother and child; the baby's anguish, the mother's anxiety and her countless efforts to console her baby, all to no avail. Passengers started to feel irritated by the wailing.

As the crying became even louder, the mother gave up and slowly opened her shirt a little and offered her breast to the baby. Within a half second, the baby stopped crying and looked content. That, then, was the reason she had been crying for more than 20 minutes. I couldn't ignore the temptation of watching them, so I continue to look, marveling at how the baby became so calm after getting what she wanted, and how the male passengers were enjoying looking at a woman with her breast showing. There were six men around her, and they were avidly watching the breast-feeding process.

As a woman, I felt embarrassed. Really. However, for me, this was not the first time, 10 years ago, when I used to take the train every day, I was always coming across similar situations to today's. How can a baby exploit their own mother*s privacy just to satisfy their hunger or thirst? Yes, I know, little babies have not learned yet how to be reasonable. They cry to get what they need. If, at the time, you had been in my position, I bet you wouldn*t have stopped looking at them either, just like the group of men, who all enjoyed free porn that hot day. You would not only have felt amused, but astonished, at the fact that little babies have such great power to control their mothers and get what they want.

After this baby had calmed down, the second baby, about the same age as the first, watching her little friend suckling her mother's breast, perhaps, felt envious. So this baby then began to wail, with the same volume as had the first. But this baby's mother was wearing Muslim attire, which meant according to Islamic law she ought not show any part of the body forbidden to be seen by the opposite sex (aurat) and it would have been very awkward for her if she had opened part of her clothing to feed her baby. Therefore, she did not, she ignored the baby*s tantrum, even when the baby began to pull at her mother*s shirt with all her strength. Fifteen minutes later, the baby was still screaming, but her mother still did not offer her her breast.

That baby must have been very puzzled, upset and then distraught at not getting what she wanted. Why could her little companion get her needs met so easily, and yet she just had to accept that her mother wouldn't fulfill her needs?

The train scene became an amazing drama, a live performance from the mothers and babies. The first mother gave in to her baby's demands, while the second mother decided not to show her breast in public.

What would I do if I had a baby forcing me to open my shirt in front of a hundred strangers on the train? Frankly speaking, I have no idea, but for mothers who have experienced this situation, they have only two choices: offer the breast and see their baby content, or refuse and ignore the baby*s tantrum.

Porn is one of the most popular issues in society, as every time porn appears on television, many people and organizations are ready to demonstrate, but do they even know what has been happening on the trains all these years?

I realize I haven't got concrete empirical research data yet on how many mothers have ever opened their blouses and revealed their breasts to men in order to fulfill their babies' needs. It would be funny, and controversial, if this was treated and legalized as normal - and not porn.

- Mayasari Oey



Thursday, October 15, 2009

My Kriwil - 12 weeks.


I just got back from the hospital to check my pregnancy up. I went to RSCM and had my embryo checked. The obstetrician asked me this and that and also checked my health history from the beginning since I was a kid (got shocked for knowing that I don't have much illness history, yet two of my illnesses are the deadly illnesses, lol). What worries me is that those two illnesses will inherit to my Kriwil (my husband calls my baby-to-be as "Kriwil", just like his hair, lol), but the obstretician said that it would be better if I go check it to my Hepatology doctor. I guess I will meet him up next week.

After getting some standardized pregnancy check ups, I went to the USG room to have my embryo screened. And oh look at that! There was a head, cute little head, pairs of hands and feet. And Gawd I could see his/her so tiny fingers and the nose! Oh it was soo adorable! Until now I still can't believe that those things are now inside my embryo... It was like a miracle!

The age of my pregnancy now is 12 weeks, and my obstretician predicted that my baby will born around 27 - 28 of April, oh he/she will be a Taurean then. Mom has a poisoned snaps (Scorpion), Dad has an arch with goat-body and human-head (Sagitarian), Son/daughter will have horns, sharp ones (Taurean). Oh, we're going to make a killer family, aren't we? *grins*

Now, I often recalling myself to not to forget to always pray Surah Yusuf, Maryam, Ar-Rahman and Al-Insyirah for the sake of my miracle. Hopefully Allah will always give Kriwil a good healthiness and enough nutrient.

I'm so can't wait, huhuhu...

~ G ~

Friday, October 09, 2009

Arch Enemy Concert in Jakarta, Oct 28!!


The event called "We Keep Metal Alive" was done last Sunday. Finally Solucite judges have made their decision of which band will be the opening act for Arch Enemy concert here in Jakarta on October 28.

Besides Psycroptic, a technical death metal band from Hobart, Australia, Melody Maker is the lucky band from Indonesia who will be the opening act. After getting through a tough selection on the event "We Keep Metal Alive" with 15 selective bands, MM won the chance.

For the complete info, please go to SMA (Solucite Metal Army) website to know about the ticket price for AE's concert.

What surprises me is this; one of my friend from the media gives me trust to interview Arch Enemy face to face!!! It is my first challenge to interview a band, a metal band. Oh I am so can't wait to meet Angela Gossow, man! She RULES.. big time! And now I am preparing to make a draft of question-list for the content. I am now waiting for the delivery of their newest album called "The Root of All Evil". I have not listen to it yet, I hope it can help me in preparing questions for the interview. Du-uh, I start to feel nervous now... hohohoho... I hope everything will go well and I don't have to be a sudden stammer and muted person that day, lol

~ G ~

Solidary of Rock! - Charity Metal Event for Padang


Our country is being watched by Allah SWT once again. My lovely hometown has been crashed down by the marvelous earthquake last week. Bodies are still being searched and evacuated. Buildings and houses are still being renovated. Roads and bridges are being rebuilt. It's the psychologically of the people that matters. They got traumatized by the disaster, they lost their beloved ones, lost those they love. They are broken, inside and outside.

So what is about helping our own brothers and sisters there? Will we be loosing anything by doing that?

Sure not. Moreover, we will get many other positive things. As I believe in humanity tolerance and understanding would be two best factors to support peace and harmony in this world.

So, we - the metalheads family - would like to express our deep condolence for the victims in Padang, Pariaman and its surroundings by holding a charity gig at Carburator Springs, Jl. Veteran, Bintaro. The event will be held in Sunday, October 11 with many supporting bands will perform there (see the flyer above).

With the hope to give them support, mentally and materially, they can arise again with a new hope in the near future.

If you want to join us, you are pleased to come and join.

\m/

~ G ~

rainVow.

Colors are just bias
They will never be there forever.

Or are they?

*looking at the beauty of the rainVow*
~ G ~

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Perdus dans le rêve.


A glimmer burst in my eyes and drew vivid ray
When I laid back here and took breaths as they were all taken away
I tried to keep what I have with my remaining strength
Cause all I have had turned to something completely strange
My feet were walking in decent rhymes
My hands were swinging in solid blind
Stepping onto you, a stranger once were recognized
With glaring hazel eyes standing, waiting in disguise
Look at you, wistful-looking face…
I was simply thought I know you
Just by a second glimpse
I was thought you are true
My mind should now be hardened blackened as a rock
Should be enough of being deceived I could just do save skin and block
Hissing around as smell and silhouette came out
After for target that should be no one, should be none
But I kept walking onto you
Though somehow I knew you would never be true
I believed in false figure as I would never believe in anything else
I breathed in your air and dreamt in your sleep
When the light turned on, at forever last
You remained a mirage
I had my wake up
When were yours?

~ G ~

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My life now.


I’m at Minangkabau International airport right now, waiting to board to go back to Jakarta. Starting days of routine as I usually waste my age to, as you all do as well... *sighs*

Been going to Bandung, Bali and Padang for the past year, I think this is the end of my fun adventure trip, at least for this year. My pregnancy is getting bigger and riskier now that it doesn’t allow me to have a far trip anymore. I should put my pregnancy as top priority now and no excuse for that. I haven’t seen my obstetrician again while my pregnancy is now passing the week 9. My nausea is still killing me (as usual) and I’m suffering a food disorder now. Not because I do diet (and I must not do that while being pregnant), but because suddenly I loathe all scents of food and dislike lots of food, which is not something I used to do. Being pregnant definitely ruins all my daily activities and routines. In Bali, I couldn’t do parasailing and bungee jumping while those two things are in my top to-do-list-in-life. In Padang I couldn’t enjoy having culinary hunting because of this sudden dislike-ness.

If I don’t keep reminding myself that this is all worth it, I would call this as a heavy disaster! I never can imagine how a pregnant woman feel during their pregnancy, even after hearing some of my mommy-friends’ stories about facing their pregnancy stages for more than 9 months. And now, being pregnant for two months has giving me so much things to learn and consider. The one hardest fact to face is this: that I am now officially bound. Neither a relationship nor a marriage could bind me from being me, literally... But a pregnancy could bind you in an absolute way. No escape, no compromise... I am now officially bound, everyone. This lil thing inside my embryo has succeeded in making me pulling over anything aside and put this thing in front all of ‘em.

And this is not my whining heart tale. At first, I thought I was gonna be so. But a miracle (let’s say so) happened, I never complain anything because of it. I am happy... hmm, nauseously happy actually (heheh..). I’m this close to officially announce about my life being perfect. I can wait, I will wait... 7 months ahead should be something not so hard for a hard-head like me (lol). Plus, everyone around me now loves me even more than before. My husband, parents, parents in law, brothers, sisters in law, friends (true ones as always), and cousins and even my lil niece and nephew.

I should learn from this new experience. I should take all good things behind, beyond and underneath it. Being bound is not always bad, because to be bound with someone / something you’re in love with – even when you haven’t seen her / him before – is not something bad at all. I’m falling love with this new thing inside me, though we never seen each other, but I know that – somehow – this baby-to-be loves me too. I wish...

And so the miracle is still going.

~ G ~

Saturday, Sept 26th

14:30 – Lounge

Minangkabau International Airport

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Morning sickness.


It is worth it, as I believe For a 9-month-long of this everlasting blurry faint As it is always paid off, they said This nauseous feeling draws and grows thousands of dreamy hopes It is back breaking, as I am recently experiencing When you feel like to swallow all things you loathe, surprisingly As it is so naturally normal, like they said When indolence is you and heaven is a layback It is different in every step, as what I read The jolting moments would bring wider smiles As all I keep in this fragile sphere-like organ Is what I would die to cover No matter what, no question why I know it already that I fly When fall can no longer describe the volume Of my love My affection You, little thing inside me Be nice :)

~ G ~