Monday, June 02, 2008

Some things worth sacrificing.

“Some things worth sacrificing”, words of wisdom said. That’s what I’m feeling right now, been struggling with all blood, tears and power I have now to open people’s eyes so they can see what I believe and how strong my belief is. Last weekend was a rough weekend for me. I don’t know how much tears I’ve spared to convince them that I’ve made my decision and to tell them that I don’t have any purpose except good will for my future. I’ve been crying and crying with moaning voice that I am no longer a kid and I’m able to think with my own brain and see with my own vision and finally take my own conclusion and so I will live with it and take any good and bad thing I have to face as my risk, with relieving heart and mind. I don’t and never want to see anyone gets hurt, especially those who I love. But I’m sorry, I’m SORRY… I can’t lie, I can’t pretend and, I can’t deny about what I feel. I’m not good at lying anyway. Anyone I can blame about my honesty? Is it my parents, my teacher or my religious teacher, or is it me? Is it me to blame for the courage I have to sound my feeling and be honest with myself?

I get shocked, I’m out of focus and I grieve. Please… please look at me for a while. Please see me and hear me as person, not as any status you’re seeing me holding with. Please open the door of your hearts even just a little bit, even if you just share a bit space for your eyes to see what’s outside your locked doors, to see the world outside isn’t just as large as you gardens. Please melt your hearts a bit to feel a tad of warmness, even if you never get used of it and you will run for a colder room or sunglasses. Please put your foots on my shoes for five minutes, even if you think that it’s too small or even too large for your size. Please be ME for a second, and you will know, you will feel and you will understand, even if I know that you will get and understand not more than 5% of a whole me. But at least you will think that it’s not EASY to be me, it’s not easy when all you think is right is always seen wrong to anybody else. Even when finally I could prove the best result I could reach from my decision, you were too proud of yourselves to admit that I was right at the beginning. You were too selfish to nod your heads to show that you were agree with my actions.

I don’t need anything except your good wishes upon me, your trust upon my belief, your support upon my decision. I have good will, so I have to go on with it in also good ways. And ALL I need from you is just ONE thing; your blessing upon me. Then I smile, then I can prove that with my decision, I can make you smile. Then I can make all of you smile, I will smile for I know that I’m seizing my future with someone that can make me smile. And my future will smile at me.

Some things worth sacrificing, please be kindly consider it, all.


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