Yearning...

Unwanted feeling has attacking me

Something I never wish to come

As my underlying soul always convinced me

To know what is right and what is wrong

And this is wrong

Like a thousand kinds of mind

Playing around and aching my heart

Confusing thoughts that settled

Melting self that frozen

I’m out of my mind

I can’t differ colors

I can’t figure out things

I can’t sleep well

All I can do is just yearning

For something…

- Goddess -

No F**kin Name

Lay down in bed...Exhausted
Entertained by the super sexy voice of Lenny Kravitz
And my imagination gone wild ...

"All of my life...Where have you been
I wonder if I...Never see you again"

*Drown in the unknown addicting-dreamland*

- Goddess -

Wish I Could Fly...

"Jangan terbang tinggi-tinggi...Nanti kalau jatuh sakit rasanya"

"Tapi kalau nggak terbang tinggi nggak bisa lihat pemandangan indah..."


*That quote is rewinding in my head*

(From the movie: Andai Ia Tahu)

- Goddess -

Ternyata...

Manusia itu cepat berubah ya...

Hari Senin terlihat menyenangkan

Hari Selasa bisa jadi orang yang sangat menyebalkan



Manusia itu nggak konsisten

Dulu teriak-teriak anti-kemapanan

Sekarang rusuh minta makan



Manusia itu nggak bisa nyusun prioritas

Kemarin bilang kuliah yang utama

Setelah kerja udah ga peduli lagi sama pendidikannya



Manusia itu suka dusta

Mampu ngasih saran luar biasa bijak untuk sahabatnya

Tapi nggak tahu gimana cara nyelesain masalahnya sendiri



Manusia itu nggak tahu terima kasih

Waktu susah ia mencari-cari orang tuanya

Belum tentu udah senang masih suka nanyain kabar mereka



Manusia itu bermuka dua

Di depan suka memuji-muji temannya

Di belakang dengan puasnya ia mengejek dan menertawakannya




Manusia itu tidak setia

Dulu berikrar bahwa hanya ia yang dia cinta

Sekarang berucap tentang indahnya mendua



Manusia itu sebenarnya jelek

Menerima berjuta-juta pujian dari orang

Namun enggan memberi bahkan sedikit untuk si duava




Manusia itu belum tentu bertuhan

Membangga-banggakan dirinya berTuhan

Namun sampai mati ia meng-agungkan cinta

Manusia...Aku...Kamu...Mereka...Semuanya

*tercenung...merenung*



- Goddess -

Unexpected

Sometimes what you get isn't as what u expected. And i'm sad becoz of that... :((

Happy IduL Fitri *cheer*

Alhamdulillah...The fasting month is about to reach the end. And now - excitedly - we're welcoming the Holy Idul Fitri, a day of winning, a day of celebration, a day of forgiveness..a day full of love ^-^

I'd like to say congrats for those who have done fasting well in this month, congrats to for those who will spend their holiday in their hometown & meet their lovely family... *don't forget to bring some presents, hehehe*

And the last..as the Holy Qur'an always says that a human being is the tiniest creature on the planet and on the whole galaxies, including me; the-girl-full-of-sin, i'd like to ask for apologize for everyone here who read my message. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Sorry for my misbehave, my insulting words, my arrogance, my misunderstood, my prejudicial attitude..all my mistakes. I sincerely ask you an apologize and I hope you can also sincerely forgive me..There should be no harm-feeling by now ^-^

And now...HAPPY IDUL FITRI....Minal Aidin Wal Faidzin everyone..Be merry!!

- Goddess -

Cowo Ganteng VS Cowo Jelek

Kalo cowok ganteng pendiam
cewek2 bilang : woow.... cool banget...
kalo cowok jelek pendiam
cewek2 bilang : ih kuper...

kalo cowok ganteng jomblo
cewek2 bilang : pasti dia perfeksionis
kalo cowok jelek jomblo
cewek2 bilang : sudah jelas...kagak laku...

kalo cowok ganteng berbuat jahat
cewek2 bilang : nobody's perfect
kalo cowok jelek berbuat jahat
cewek2 bilang : pantes...tampangnya kriminal

kalo cowok ganteng nolongin cewe yang diganggu preman
cewek2 bilang : you're my hero
kalo cowok jelek nolongin cewe yang diganggu preman
cewek2 bilang : pasti premannya temennya dia...

kalo cowok ganteng dapet cewek cantik
cewek2 bilang : klop...serasi banget...
kalo cowok jelek dapet cewek cantik
cewek2 bilang : pasti main dukun...

kalo cowok ganteng diputusin cewek
cewek2 bilang : jangan sedih, khan masih ada aku...
kalo cowok jelek diputusin cewek
cewek2 bilang :...(terdiam, tapi telunjuknya meliuk-liuk dari atas
ke
bawah)...

kalo cowok ganteng ngaku indo
cewek2 bilang : emang mirip-mirip bule sih...
kalo cowok jelek ngaku indo
cewek2 bilang : pasti ibunya Jawa bapaknya robot...

kalo cowok ganteng penyayang binatang
cewek2 bilang : perasaannya halus...penuh cinta kasih
kalo cowok jelek penyayang binatang
cewek2 bilang : sesama keluarga ema ng harus menyayangi...

kalo cowok ganteng bawa BMW
cewek2 bilang : matching...keren luar dalem
kalo cowok jelek bawa BMW
cewek2 bilang : mas majikannya mana?...

kalo cowok ganteng males difoto
cewek2 bilang : pasti takut fotonya kesebar-sebar
kalo cowok jelek males difoto
cewek2 bilang : nggak tega ngeliat hasil cetakannya ya?...

kalo cowok ganteng naek motor gede
cewek2 bilang : wah kayak lorenzo lamas...bikin lemas...
kalo cowok jelek naek motor gede
cewek2 bilang : awas!! mandragade lewat...

kalo cowok ganteng nuangin air ke gelas cewek
cewek2 bilang : ini baru cowok gentlemen
kalo cowok jelek nuangin air ke gelas cewek
cewek2 bilang : naluri pembantu, emang gitu...

kalo cowok ganteng bersedih hati
cewek2 bilang : let me be your shoulder to cry on
kalo cowok2 jelek bersedih hati
cewek2 bilang&nbs p; : cengeng amat!!...laki-laki bukan sih?

Kalo cowok ganteng baca e-mail ini
langsung ngaca sambil senyum2 kecil,
lalu berkata "life is beautifull"

kalo cowok jelek baca e-mail ini,
Frustasi, ngambil tali jemuran, trus triak
sekeras-kerasnya "HIDUP INI KEJAAAAMMM....!!!"

Huahahahahahaha...!!!

Alkisah ada seorang kaya raya sedang mengadakan pesta di rumahnya di

kawasan

Menteng. Kayanya orang ini nggak kira-kira, duitnya bejibun, belon

rumahnya di

Menteng ama di Pondok Indah, punya banyak simpanan cewek, abis itu dia

juga

punya helikopter ama pesawat terbang. Pokoknya semuanya deh.





Orangnya rada nyentrik. Kolam renangnya diisi banyak buaya. Lagi pada

pesta di

pinggir kolam, si doi berdiri di atas menara life guard supaya

temen-temennya

bisa ngeliat.





Terus dia suruh semuanya tenang dan berkata, “Baiklah, orang pertama

yang

berani renang di kolam ini dari ujung ke ujung bakalan gue kasih semua

duit

gue.”





Semua pada diem. Si kaya ngeliat ke temen-temennya dengan gemes lalu

berkata

“OK, orang pertama yang berani renang di kolam ini dari ujung ke ujung,

gue

kasih semua duit gue plus rumah gue.”





Tetap nggak ada juga yang bereaksi. “OK, kalau gitu semua duit gue,

rumah,

mobil-mobil, pesawat terbang, semua milik gue, saham, surat berharga

dan semua

cewek gue, pokoknya semua yang gue miliki.”





SPLASH!!! Ada yang terjun! Buaya-buaya pada ngerubutin tapi dia

berkelit aje

kayak Tarzan. Berkelit ke sono-sini, berkelahi juge dengan buaya itu.

Akhirnya

nyampe juga di seberang. Si kaya turun dari life guard tower lalu

berlari ke

orang itu.





Kaya : “Gile lu! Hebat bener, gua nggak nyangka kalo ada yang berani

melakukannya. Elu mau duitnya sekarang?”





Nekad : “Nggak! Gue nggak mau duit!”





Kaya : “Elu mau rumahnya sekarang?”





Nekad : “Nggak! Gue nggak mau rumahnya!”





Kaya : “Elu mau mobil ama pesawatnya sekarang atau ntar?”





Nekad : “Nggak! Gue juga nggak mau pesawat!”





Kaya : “Elu minta saham atau surat berharga?”





Nekad : “Nggak! Gue nggak mau!”





Kaya : “Elu minta cewek gue?”





Nekad : “Nggak! gue juge nggak mau itu!”





Kaya : “Habis, elu itu maunya apa donk???”





Nekad : “Gue mau tahu siapa bajingan yang dorong gue tadi!”

Peace...

1. There're dozen jobs to do at my office and I haven't done all of them



2. I have lots of mid test papers to be done by tomorrow and the day after, and I haven't done - even one of them - yet



3. I'm now facing mid test, one full week. It will be finished 2 days before Idul Fitri, I won't go to my hometown - West Sumatra - to meet all my relatives whom I miss so much



4. I need a joyous sleep in the weekend when i get home. But i can't, coz I have to help my mom handling the house-care and cook for them



5. My insomnia is getting worse each and every day, something you won't expect when all you need is a tight-endless sleep



But somehow..I feel peaceful deep inside my heart - with all my crappy problems. I don't even know why and what is it...this feeling. Is it a true sincere feeling to receive all Allah's ordeals? Is it the rock-hearted of mine which discreetly come out? Or maybe it's just my struggle to be more patient during Ramadhan?



Is it a peaceful feeling? Or numbness? Feel-less? a sincerity..or it's just me going crazy??



- Goddess *in blue* -

Tukang Pijet

Ada yang tau ga tukang pijet yang enak & murah??

PEGEL NEH!!

Jangan Pijet plus2 tapi...bulan Ramadhan, hehehe... (so what?)

hadoooh...molor kayanya enak neh!!!

- Goddess -

Cara orang-orang IT memilih pasangan

World Computer Scientist Journal mengadakan Survey terhadap para computer scientist tentang bagaimana cara mereka memandang wanita, hasilnya sbb:

1. Tipe CPU: pintar, pemikir, tidak banyak bicara tapi mengerjakan banyak hal, (diam-diam tau-tau sudah tujuh bulan)

2. Tipe monitor: genit, sukanya diperhatikan, suka pamer, (padahal belum tentu yang dipamerin bagus)

3. Tipe Keyboard: senang dipegang, di tekan dan di pencet di berbagai lokasi (awas salah tekan bisa kena jitak)

4. Tipe Printer: Aktif, ditekan sedikit gerakannya banyak, kalau sedang dipakai berisik (ga cocok buat tipe 21, mengganggu tetangga)

5. Tipe Mouse: Pas dan enak di genggam, dingin-dingin empuk

6. Tipe Window: Tampak luar bagus, dalamnya penuh bugs

7. Tipe Linux-Console: Tampak luar jelek, dalamnya "andal"

8. Tipe XWindows: Luar dalam bisa dihandalkan

9. Tope DOS: Wajah tidak cantik, belum tentu dalamnya tidak baik

10. Tipe UNIX: diam-diam...multi user

11. Tipe LAN: Bisa dipake barengan

:D

- Goddess -

I gave Up!!

Finally...my body can no longer carry over all duties i have. Last night after the class i went to Takor (Campus' cafeteria), bought a drink & had a chat w/ my friends. Suddenly i felt dizzy & my hands were shaking badly. Hurriedly i run for Ojek & went back to my dorm...

I was so stubborn that i thought i still have a little power to go to an internet center to check my email etc..but just 30 minutes later, i couldn't stand anymore. I ran out the internet center's front door and found the nearest drain..then i threw up, so many *sigh*

I think i'm so exhausted & got chilled in my tummy...i carry too many tasks to do & has been ignoring my healthiness. aaarrghh it felt so awful, you couldn't even stand up steadily...

God, i hope i won't get ill for the next couple days..coz i'm gonna face mid test next week & i won't be able doing the test with a bad health...

Hhh...i feel like sleeping as long as i can, but i can't. Hiks hiks...be patient Wed..be patient *sigh*

Sebuah Malam

Coretan hati…

Brett, brett
Srett, srett

Dahi berkerut
Bibir mengerucut
Kekesalan menumpuk…


Tik tok tik tok tik tok tik tok…..


Coretan membesar dan mengeras…


Breeeetttt………
Srreeetttttttttt……….
Greeeeeeeettttttttt……..
Uuuuuurrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!!


Sepasang mata di kegelapan menyilau
Nyalang!!!
Memperlihatkan asa yang gundah dan kacau
Gamblang!!!!

Coretan menjerit, akhirnya…


AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH……!!!!!!!!

Persetan dingin yang terbawa angin!!
Persetan kesunyian yang bekukan malam!!!
Persetan anjing yang menggonggong dan mendengking!!!
Persetan dengan semua setan yang menyetan!!!

Hhhhhh…..
Lelah…


Akankah malaikat mengawasiku tidur di kala senyap?
Akankah dia mencatat dosaku saat ku terlelap?
Atau akankah dia membawaku terbang?

Tinggi…

Tinggi diatas awan…

Ah tidak…

Dia merendah..

Dan merendah…

Makin rendah…

Terpuruk…

MATI !!!

- Goddess -

Esti’s poem tells about me writing a poetry

Yang Diungkapkan Oleh Tinta

Tangannya bergerak-gerak
Coretkan tinta
Ungkapkan hati yang sedang tak biasa

Kau tak akan tahu ada apa sebenarnya
Wajahnya sungguh biasa saja
Tak tampak adanya perubahan jiwa

Lihatlah yang ia tuliskan
Temukan sebuah makna lebih dalam
Dan kau tahu kalau ia sedang berjuang
Berusaha pecahkan dilemma dalam “Sebuah Malam”

Written By: Esti
05 Oct, 06
7.30 pm
At class

Daily Day...

Bangun..jam 7 (kalo lagi rajin, kalo lagi males jam 7.30 bahkan jam 8)
Mandi (30 menit..rite!!Smua temen2 kosan gw paling ribut klo udah nyuruh gw cepetan mandinya)

pake lotion, pake baju, make-up an, pake jilbab (40 menit..total siap2 1 jam..bused, lama jg ya?)
Jalan (clingak/uk cari tebengan temen kosan yang bawa motor. Kalo lagi apes keluar Kukusan jalan, baru naik bis kuning)

Ngangkot sampe kantor (Pondok Gede nan panas tanpa ampun..Make-up gw jadi sia2 gini. Sial, kan ga lucu ketemu cowo keren tp muke udah dempul..Hhh,dasar Pondok Gede. Hehehehe, no offense utk The Pondokers..)

Jam 10 nyampe kantor..ngidupin komputer, OL kalo sempet...clingak/uk nyari anak2 yg blm dateng. Basa basi nanyain yg lain pada kemana. kalo udah ada kerjaan yang siap di ubrak/ik diatas meja ya mulai kerja. Kalo ngga bengong dulu bentar, ngadem juga sambil nenangin diri dari cuaca luar yang ampun panasnya langsung ke ruang AC yg bikin merinding...

Selesai bengong baru kerja, sambil dengerin lagu2 yang di setel Royas, Budi / Ogie (yang kadang2 ENGGA banget!! Ratu lah, Samson lah, sampe lagu sountrack Candy2 yang dibikin jadi gahar banget!!(anak kecil juga bakal kabur dengernya), lagu SMS lah..yang termutakhir..JABLAI (Hhh, rusak otak gw ini kalo nyampe kampus ntr, ga bs mikir lg..brainwashed bgt tu lagu)

jam 12 udah pada mulai "keluar" aslinya..ada yang ngantuk, nyanyi2 sendiri (dengan tidak manusiawinya), pergi ke ruang "pembuangan sial" maen PS 2 / sekedar OL..treak2 deh tu maen PS-nya (Okay, boyz...tell u this, ure allowed to scream as hell as u want in front of ur fellas..but never do that in front of someone u've crush on..), kalo lg ga puasa hbs salat pada makan kerumah Royas.

Jam 1/1.30 mulai kerja lagi..makin sore makin keluar taring2nya (terutama kalo designer2 ini lagi stuck kreativitas, treak2 cari ilham..padahal gada hasil.Hhh..guys, kita kapan kaya nya ya?? :D)

Baru berapa jam kerja, jam 3 biasanya udah pada treak2 "Adoooohhh, ngantok banget neh gueeeeee!!!!!!!", kalo cukup nekad utk ninggalin kerjaan ya langsung keluar ruangan, masuk kamar & dengan polosnya molor ampe ileran...Kalo nekad tetep nahan ngantuk "ngelampiasinnya" lagi ke PlayStation, treak2 lagi (Addoh kalian cuma maen tendang2an aja knp treak2nya kaya orang diperkaos seh??), "Beuughh Loe..sukurin!!", "Adooohhh...payah neeee!!!", "ayo tendang tendang..hajar!!!", "Curaaaangggg!!!!!!!" Gue sebagai wanita satu2nya disini cuma bisa meringis, ngerutin dahi, paling pasrah cuma treak "Diaaaaaaaaammmmmmm!!!!!!!" atau gw ancem aja kalo gw mau setel lagu2 Gothic, pasti perhatian langsung teralih dr PS sambil treak2 protes ke gw, "Halah lagu setan mulu yang disetel, ntr malem gw dpt nightmare dah!! ganteeee!!!!"

Jam 3.30 gw udah mulai siap2 balik (kalo ga bulan puasa jam4.40), salat, retouch (halah..teteup :D), cabut deh, nyiapin ati menelusuri jalan2 Pd.Gede yang ngga banget itu.
Sampe kampus jam 5.30..first person i look forward..SITA (How sad..gw jadi kaya cw jomblo..nyampe kampus nyari cw jg *sigh*). Nemu sita, cabut ke Takor..nongkrong (kalo laper makan, ga laper ngopi aja. yang paling sering sih laper mata *ngakak*)

Jam 6.30 sita tetep nongkrong di takor (She's a Hinduism), dan gw pergi ke mushola gedung S2 buat salat. Selesai salat cabs kekelas.

Jam 7 pm dosen dateng (kalo lagi nglunjak baru dateng jam7.30), mulai pelajaran. kalo ati lagi seneng sih dengerin (walaupun males nyatet..yg ada gw biasa bikin2 puisi dikelas/cetting ma the girl next desk :D), kalo lg kurang ajar sih foto2 ma sita (weitz, i'm really an expert in doing photo w/o getting caught by the lecture,hehehe)

jam 8.30 (kalo dosennya gatau malu tetep ngajar), gw udah sibuk berdehem sambil ngucapin, "Uhuhuhudhah uhuhhujamh uhuhstengehuhu uhuhsembhhiilan!!!!!!!!" dengan pitch control yang cepet banget :D anak2 pasti tiba2 ngekor klakuan gw (heran, gampang ya dapet pengikut kalo ngelakuin sesuatu yang ngga bener??) Kalo dosennya sadar tiba2 mahasiswa/i-nya batuk massal, baru pura2 liat jam "Ya ampun, udah setengah sembilan ya?Kok saya ngga berasa ya?" (dan anak2 menanggapinya dengan tatapan yang tidak bisa diprediksi/gw takut memprediksi..karna beberapa malah ga bs diprediksi alias udah molor)

Jam 8.30 cabs ke takor lagi (it's my (and our) real class,hehehe...), beli minum, ngobrol (khusus buat temen ngaco gw, cw asik bernama Lucky, dia akan langsung beli minum, nyalain rokok, buka tas, ambil buku TTS, dan dia - dalam adegan lambatttt - seakan2 telah disedot ke dunia lain bernama Dunia TTS)

jam 9, kalo laper beli makan ma anak2, kalo engga gw langsung nyari ojek..back to my dormitory. get rest and prepare my self & my healthiness to enter a new day...a same new day..tomorrow...

And the day after...

And the day after...

And the day after...

ADOOOHHH.......MAU JALAN-JALAN NEEEHH...!!!!!!!!


Ps: Photo was taken on Oct 2, 06...Me & Sita was bored to death in da class :D
(She looked cute in my glasses ^-^)

I think I have enough!!!!!!!!!

never know what future holds for me...



i never can predict what the rest of my life would be...



i just know this...i'm living my life as i should be



i do what i should do, i run for what i wanna reach



i be for what i am...



i won't be what people ask me to be...



someone else but me...



Yeah...someone else but me




* in blue... *

Heavenly Heaven

Heaven reveals in the vague sight

Lay down...the self remains breathless

Smile for the head spinning roller coaster

A delicate avidity...

A bitter sweet fantasy...

A chilled passionate smile...

Coalesce with a brittle soul flying high...

As the lazy body fulfilled with satisfaction

These eyes discreetly closed, heading to a dream-nation

- Goddess -

Darkness Falls

Quick inhale...Strengthened heart

A flash memory of a miserable part

Got nowhere to run

Seen nothing to find

Had no place to hide

Held nothing inside

Heart beat run along with the hand shakes

Falling tears headed me to a sorrow land

Buried deep inside

Forever will hide

In never ending dark

That lights your path

- Goddess -

Overloaded

This confusion drives me nut

.....................

Those chores ruin my normality

.....................

Hhh...I'm wordless

Useless

Careless?



If it comes the time for me to do my deed

My brain just couldn't stop to consider

Stop yelling! I already know it

Put your expectation lower



I did get some triumphs

Couple times I made them proud

But I also had my breakdown

The feeling when suddenly the sky falls through me

And the world just wouldn't stop mocking at me



Now, tell me one thing...

How am I supposed to deal with all these?

Great! What a beautiful life I live in

Being buried under my unwanted duties



Please, bother me not...

Give me a time to drown in the world of the unknown

This madness has to be stopped

Now scram, you! Leave me alone...



- Goddess -

Back to campus...

Routine...welcome board
Knock knock brain, wake up baby
Time to work again...harder
Make my grade better

Well hello folks,
Some look fatter, other look slimmer...
Some even getting hotter (dude!!)
The hell...still missing them after all

Aloha classes,
You're the only thing that looks stagnant
No progress...did the air conditioner has been replaced?
Oh, come on!
I paid too much that actually each class could have a flat screen!

Aawwkkh...not those lecturers again!
They even couldn’t see that I have an IQ of 117!
"Dewi...got "B" again?"
"Yeah, mam...the test wasn't for my level"
Uhm..what was that? A quantitative stat?
Yeah rite, kill me...
Did the IQ test give the wrong result for me?

Oh, look! What happen to my campus?
Is it becoming smaller or the principle thought we have too many space for playing card?
They built more constructions, fostered our loatheness
How about shrinking the priciple's tire again? That would be nice

Whuteva...
Nu term, nu spirit
Nu hell...nu joy
Nu pal...nu boy (?)

*wink*

- Goddess -

Deja Vu

Sunday Evening, 3.14 pm

Sitting in my bed...
The bed i used to sleep in 8 months ago
Feels like i'm having a Deja Vu...
The tape of my life is rewinding once more
Birds singing...Wind blowing...Trees dancing...
Hot summer-sun greets me through my dorm window
She smiles, showing her super-flashy light
Welcoming me back...

A year more of struggling
A year more of sucking my parents' money
A year more of going to college


3.16 pm

it's quiet...Peacefully quiet
i take a far-away look to the bluish sky
i used to stare at the cloud's shapes
But now, there's no - even a single - cloud up there
it's a fair sky...Peacefully fair sky

3.17 pm

Here comes Adzan...
Two hours since my mom left from my dorm
it's a strange feeling...i miss her already
My eyes are now getting burned
Silly me! Why do i have to cry?
Being stucked in my home just for 3 months and now suddenly i'm becoming a homy?
Hmph...This sucks! Breath, Wed...Breath
it's time to get out once more from ur cage and go back to your nature

3.20 pm

Feels like it's going to be a tough life this year
Call your God's name & your parents' name, Wed...
Stand up...
Pray...
it's Ashar...


- Goddess -

Broken...

Otakku kacau, galau terhalau bara
Menghitung jumlah degup jantung...
Yang entah bagaimana bersatu dengan lambung
Seperti pusaran mesin cuci
Aku ingin muntah, aku ingin pingsan
Memikirkan yang "tak terpikirkan"

Ini sudah jam 2, mengapa jam di dinding itu tak bisa diam?
Dan mengapa air mata ini juga tak bisa diam?
Menggenang di ujung jurang jiwa...
Seperti kristal mati tak berarti

Bila saatnya tiba, mungkin aku akan menyerah
Mengusung bendera putih dengan teriakan "berakhir saja sudah!"
Biar aku sulam jaring-jaring hidup ini sendiri
Kan ku buat benteng diri semu tak terjamah

Koyakan membekas ini
Jadi saksi kekejaman satu kata terbungkus dasar makna bernama cinta
Pasrahlah wahai Dewa!
Cinta tidak selalu indah bagi semua insan ada
Bagai mata air jernih..
Namun banyak kerikil tajam menusuk
Bagai angkasa indah tak terkata
Namun tak ada ruang daya menghirup udara

Sudikah anak hawa mati tanpa cinta?
Bertanya pada satu persoalan semesta
Mencari jati pada diri yang fana

Jantungku masih berdegup...
Air mata masih menghangat...
Aku tak tidur, tak pula terjaga
Aku ada dalam ketiadaan, atau tidak ada diantara keduanya?

Cinta...itulah
Tidak indah, tidak hina
Tidak salah, tidak dosa
Tak diantara keduanya...

- Goddess -

Freedom !!!

The wind blowed my face
Dried my tears
But couldn't do anything to integrate this puzzle back

This puzzle has been torned to pieces
Been ripped out like a dozen useless trashes
I looke upon the cold breezing stars
Spread out...No shape
Just like the puzzle..
The puzzle of my heart


This freedom of mine
Has gone with my tears
This freedom of the human
Has been stolen by the gun

I tried to blocked those screams
And convinced myself that everything's okay
I tried not to turning back
And acted like they were fine

Those bloods..And i fell
Those piece of fleshes..And i cried
Those screams..And i hurt
This freedom..Of mine has gone
Of them has gone...

God Almighty...
Secure them, love them
Please..
Holy Allah..The Merciful
Open the window of heaven for them
Unlock their jails
Please..

Free us..
Free them...
For the FREEDOM !!
The freedom itself

Amin...

For my families in Palestine & Lebanon
You're the lover of Allah...Children of heaven
Freedom is distincly one step forward
Don't give up Syuhadas...Our freedom
May Allah S.W.T always guide you..

LET'S KICKED SOME ISRAEL's STINKY A*S !!!
HELL (THEM) YEAH !!!

Dancing on Mud

Already dressed..couldn’t be more glamorous

Already made up.. couldn’t be more pretty

Already done the hair.. couldn’t be more shining

All eyes stared at her

This physical beauty was preparing herself

Ready to cheer audience up

On the mud stage

Watched by hypocrites & fakers

Oh she’s the Queen

Dancing, singing, smiling…

Hide behind the mask of lie..

Which-somehow-looked so beautiful

Oh give her some money, compliments or anything

Then she’ll still be your Queen

Dancing on mud..

Full of hipocrites & fakers

Just the same as her..

Let’s go…follow what she did

So we can also be Queens..or Kings

To survive in this hipocritical world

Even angels turned dark

And devils got shinner

Don’t cry..Don’t feel the misery

There’re no such things like it

This is a mud stage, just dance…

Follow her, Queen of lie…

You’ll never suffer

You’ll never die..

Kala Hitam Menjadi Putih

Kelam…Suram…

Jangan tatap angkasa itu

Gelapnya tak kunjung hilang

Pilunya tak kunjung berkurang

Ku tahu itu salah, dia pun tahu itu berdosa

Salah siapa? Dia yang membuat senja itu tak lagi indah

Dia yang menyebabkan dingin itu menyiksa

Dia yang menyebabkan matahari berkuasa

Ia membuat arah…bertarung dengan angin

Ia membuat hukum…bertarung dengan Tuhan

Ia membuat dunia…bertarung dengan alam

Ia membuat masa depan…bertarung dengan takdir

Hangat tak lagi bersahabat dengannya

Asa tak lagi mau menyemangatinya

Kerendahan hati tak lagi bisa melindunginya

Sombong yang sekarang menjadi sahabatnya

Topeng yang sekarang menjadi pelindungnya

Riya yang sekarang menyemangatinya

Gelap…redup…

Jangan tatap mata itu

Kemunafikannya menyayat hati

Kebohongannya menimbulkan emosi

Serasa di puncak dunia

Menutupi wajah penuh kebusukan…

Berlindung dibalik topeng kecantikan

Menutupi hati yang penuh kemungkaran…

Berbalut busana penuh kehormatan

Hitam menjadi putih

Bohong menjadi benar

Neraka menjadi surga

Iblis menjadi malaikat

Palsu menjadi asli

Munafik menjadi tulus

Terperdaya olehnya…

Insan tak lagi berakal sehat

Terpenjara oleh kata-katanya…

Kitab tak lagi pegangan akhirat

Oh Tuhan…sadarkanlah dia

Oh surga…jangan jauhi dia

Oh alam…kasihanilah dia

Oh manusia…jangan ikuti dia

Biarlah kegelapan menyusulnya

Biar dingin merasukinya

Relakan hitam menjadi dirinya

Relakan iblis memeluknya

Membalut kelamnya dalam tangis

Mengusir deritanya dalam jerit

Menebus salahnya dalam darah

Membungkus jiwanya dalam kematian…

For someone out there who is standing on earth…

Please consider one thing..You’re not everything

Moreover..You’re N.O.T.H.I.N.G

Finally..

Finally..about 2 and a half hours ago..i quit from my dorm.it's time for me to get out.it's just for a while,for about three months (along my vacation).well,hmph..i fell weird though.it's like i lost my second home i used to have.a place where i study, i sleep, i laugh with my dorm-mates, i spend most of my time there.But now i have to leave..sad *sobs*

So..today i went to my dorm with my parents,brother&my beautiful niece.then we packed all my stuffs: clothes, books, cosmetics, magazines, dolls, fan, iron..everything.I just left couples of my clothes&cosmetics till thursday (last day of my final test)..and then..be a home-girl for the next 3 months

:( I just feel..weird.NO!i feel sad actually..very very sad.i used to live&take care of myself all by my own.i'm an independent lady...so not a home-girl kinda like.But..yeah, i have to think bout my dad.Poor him if he has to pay for my useless 3 months dorm-room, coz i'm definitely not gonna use it. It's oke though...on Sept i'll be back to be a dorm-girl..be an independent lady again..be able to take care mysely by my own again :) i'll miss my dorm, i'll miss my crazy dorm-fellas, i'll miss the moment when i wake up & suddenly all my friends were surround me and yelled, "IWED BANGOOONNNN...UDAH JAM 10 TAOOO!!!!" :D

:( DAMN i sad...

i got "maag"!!!

Monday night..first day of the week..hactic day..and i got maag on that day!!Bad one!!it was so irritating.So that day i had only lunch..i didn't take breakfast coz it's not my habit to eat something heavy in da morning..then i went to depok.when i get there,suddenly i want to buy some snacks..i ate lot of them :D
i didn't eat anymore since then..so in the nite i had class.that's when i started feeling roalercoaster in my tummy.But i tried to hold it&continuing study..
after class, me&my friends wanted to have dinner together.But the waiter just got me really pist!!i had to wait for my order for about 30minutes!!When i reordered,the waiter said that my order is freshed out!!Aaarrgh..my tummy got worse!!But i just couldn't shout to the waiter so i ordered the other menu.
When i started eating,suddenly i felt my tummy movin upside down..it was horrible!! i tried to coolin down myself,tried to hold my tears that already in the fag of my eyes..then i gave up. i cried..yeah baby,i cried in front of my friends..Hoho,the strong girl named "iwed" finally gave up with this problem. i couldn't stand, i swear God it was hurt me till death!!
My friends immediately took me to my dorms&brought me some medicine so i can take a rest till i get a better condition (thanx fella'..luve u all)
Fiuhh...i should be more proud&love my body since then.My healthiness is the most important of all. Thank God i still can eat everything i want, thank God i don't have to beg someone to feed me..now i am a better "iwed"..a more-thankfulness-lady ^-^

BRaiN daMagE..

This week will be a never ending suffer...there are so much tasks & tests that i have to deal with. start with this day, at 12 i have to meet Dian to do our first task. and then in the noon i have a meeting with 5 friends to do our task.
Tomorrow..hmm,i have presentation that night..followed by another task that has to be submitted a week ahead.
on Wednesday, i have TWO tasks about STATISTIC that have to be submitted (Look!!How come we - a public relations - has to study stat??)
Thursday, i have 1 chapter to review.. ( as usual)
Friday...a test about cadet & judicative (aaarrrgghhh!!!)
Saturday&sunday..thank God they're two days off!!!
Monday again...FINAL TEST!!! Huhuhuhu...poor me :(

devils at SCTV..watch this!!`

Tau iklan ini kan??Coba deh liat lebih jelas lg..ada yang aneh tak?Yep..di bagian belakang (sisi kiri dan sisi kanan) ada penampakan yg "tak diinginkan" berbaju putih dan berambut hitam panjang (yg pasti itu bukan gw..gw gothess,bukan kunti,hihihi...)..spooky isn't it?Tapi malah saat gosip ini merebak dengan kencangnya,iklan pengantar saat pergantian acara SCTV ini malah udah jarang bgt diputer.Mungkin krn kru SCTVnya juga udah ga brani lg kali yeee...!!!

JuST NoTe iT..

www.dragonweave.com/gothic-metal-chokers.html

www.argoth.co.uk/shirts.htm

aNoTHeR goTHiC STuFFs..(PaRT 3 MaYBe :D)

they're adorably cool..!!

pernak/ik gothic..

HeLP Me FiNd THeSe, PLeaSe..!! (BooTs ediTioN)

THoSe CooL goTHiC-BooTs..SeCoNd iS aCCePTeD. aNy iNFoRMaTioN aBouT SHoPs THaT SeLL THeSe iN iNdoNESia..TeLL Me,oK!! (wiTH PRiCe aLSo..), THaNKs..

HeLP Me FiNd THeSe, PLeaSe..!! (SkiRT ediTioN)

WaNT iT So BaD..SoMeoNe CaN HeLP Me FiNd iT??

I aM Me!

I’m a daRK LadY, a goTHeSs..

I LoVe BlacK, BuT I LiKe To ShiNe eiTHeR

I LoVe SiNgiNg, aNd I SiNg aLL SoNg I LoVe

I’m a SoLoiST & a gRouPiST, aNd a BaNd VoCaLiST EiTHeR

I LoVe daNCiNg BuT I’M NoT a CLuBBeR

I LikE To RocK! BuT I CaN Be MeLLow SoMeTiMeS..

I’m a FeMiNiST, BuT I LiKe To do BoY StuFFs

I LoVe doLL, BuT I LoVe SkuLL EiTHeR

I LoVe CaT, I LoVe BaT Too..

I’m aLoNeR, BuT I couLdN’T LiVe wiTHouT FrieNdS

I’m FrieNdLy, BuT aRogaNT..

I aM a SeNSiTiVe PeRSoN wiTH a RocK HeaRT

I’m eiTHeR aN aNgeL aNd a deViL..

I’m a SecRET KeePeR BuT ouTSpoKeN

I aM SeLFiSH, BuT FoRgiVeR

I’m a MoViE & TV FreaKS BuT I HaTe iNFoTaiNMeNT, SiNeTRoN, MiDNiTe JuNK-CoMedY ShoW aNd aLL TraSH wHicH NoW BeCoMe aN iNdoNeSiaN Media’S ChaRaCTeR..

aNd oF CouRSe I DISAGREE wiTH “RU APP”, LiKe ThoSe BucH oF idioT THaT SiT iN THe H.O.R doN’T HaVe aNoTHeR CRuCiaL NaTioNaL ProBLeMs To SoLVe..gRowN uP MoRoNs!!

SToRy aBouT a SKiRT

When i went to Bandung i bought a black skirt. i'm deadly fallen with thic beautiful gothic skirt. and of course it was not expensive. So one day (saturaday nite) i met my boyfriends, he picked me at campus. he drove a car. We went to his house, according to the plan,we will watch "Closer" (natalie portman), but unfortunately he got a guest coming to his house. So, the plan was delayed. We just chat & joke each other till evening. After we pray, we went home..but now, hee took me home by a motorcycle!! :D his mom had shout that he didn't suppose to drive me with it coz i'm wearing skirt (and for God sake i haven't wear a skirt again for more that 2 years!!) & it looked like the rain's gonna fall. But he - with goddamn hi-self confidence - said that it all wouldn't happen & everything's gonna be okay.

Well...by now i'm pretty sure that every mother's words is a pray. First bad thing we got is about a kilometer from his house, close to the traffic light, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET (Hahaha..yeah, i'm getting hiperbolic now) my skirt STUCKED in the motor's wheel!! My God..i was sreaming so loud and i didn't realize that the traffic light turned to red and suddenly all people surround us were staring at me. With a don't-understand-look..wanna-know-look...annoyed-look..feel-sorry-look..i don't know,and i don't care! What i really care that time was he stop the motor right away & pull out my fuckin skirt that was stuked in the wheel..

So that..was the FIRST one. The second?? Okay..i'll continue the story
He pull the motor to the zebra cross to check my & my skirt condition. My skirt was torn, but not that bad..it still can be fixed. My condition? Hm...i were shaking, my knee were shaking, my heart was beating fastly, dizzy, spinning..i don't know. i was thinking for the worst, that if he didn't stop the motorcycle immediately, i could have fallen, we both could have fallen..and there can be an accident or anything bad happened. i was thanked Allah for this..
And then when he checked all condition & tried to calm me down..suddenly THE RAIN FELL !! Okay..i thought i can't cry or mad anymore coz all these had full up my head. So i'm just laughing..at me, at him, at my destiny (haha..hiperbolic again :D). He suggested to go back to his house to change my cloth & to take a car. His Mom & sister was laughing at us hardly, until his mom looked at my skirt.."oh My God, what happen to the skirt? oh i'm so sorry dewi, i thought you were just get wet coz of the rain,i wouldn't laughing at you if i knew that you got an accident". Yeah rite..if you're not my boyfriend's mom,maybe i'd be mad at you :p

His father gave me a black cargo pants to wore, while my skirt was fixed by his mom. Hey..and you know what? He gave me another black skirt!!! So i got two gothic-black skirt now,hohoho..I got 2 present, but he's the birthday boy..and i haven't give himany present. One reason is becoz this freakin accident. Hmm..sometimes an accident brings you a luckiness.. :D

NeeD aN aiR To BReaTH

when i fall away into the darkness
whispering for a help
needing someone to hold this hand

when i start to loose the air
that is when i start to look in to your eyes
start to understand that look

when i look around
when nobody is catched by my eyes
i start to screaming

my voice is gone..
my heart is limping..
my soul is dying..

Then u came..
Lighted me
Aired me
came to me
held my hand

since then..
i start to realize
that i'm not alone..

HaVe FuN go Mad..!!

My old friend-Rika-was having her b'day about 3 weeks ago. We went to Pizza Hut & La Piazza..eat..eat and EAT!!Hohoho..it was a crazy moment where every single second wasn't left for joking each other. we ate at Pizza Hut KGM 3, oh and i recommend you to not eat there if you're not a patient person. our order was served at least 45 MINUTES after we ordered. So damn jaded the waitress were..

After we were satisfied by the most delicious pizza we've ever eat, we went to La Piazza..Eat more??Nope!!we're just hang out, relaxing our body in a cafe..chat, laughing even more (like bunch of idiot later i think :D), staring at people come and go and of course..TOOK PICTURES!!Lots of pictures,hahaha...

and then the dawn was coming..time for pray!!So we went to a masjid (for private reason i don't wanna call masjid in an english word "mosque",sorry..) for praying.after pray, we thought we had had enough fun..so it's time for GO MAD!!we went to NAF Karaoke Club. Dare to hear our voice??i suggest first thing to do before hear us sing is that headache & stomachache medicines were already prepared,hehehe..

Happy b'day my bestfriend Rika.. ^-^

uNdeR THe LigHT oF PaRiS VaN JaVa

From saturday to yesterday i went on vacation to the heaven of shoppaholic..Bandung. i went there with my luvly family..well, almost a year i haven't gone to bandung..so when my foot got the first step in that land..i just muttering, "how could Bandung be this hot?", i know this city is known becoz of the cool air there..but yesterday, everything aren't the same as it were. kinda sad becoz of it :(
Well,back to the story..we rent a comfortable inn near Gasibu fo 2 nite. The inn was surrounded by grass field, full of big trees everywhere, so not that hot there. but as i walk out the inn, the light of the sun quickly attack me. But in the night the air suddenly getting cold, the rain fell with shy..it was beautiful.. ^-^
Any place i went??Many..i go to Bandung Trade Centre, Gedung Sate, Dago, Dipati Unus, Pasar Baru..many places. You know, as i am a lady, what can i say...i just SHOP..SHOP..and SHOP..till i dropped,hehehe... :D
Something missing is that we couldn't go to Lembang coz the time wasn't enough for us to went there. We're really get in hurry (you know..what a 3 days 2 nights in bandung could offer us??)
Anyway, despite that..i got lots of fun there (especially coz my beautiful niece took another big step for her cleverness, she can sing one-full song now!!)
Long weekend now gone..back to routines.Hell yeah, i'm deadly bored!!!

C-O-O-L

i've watched the movie "V For Vendetta" on thursday nite..my coclusion?it's sooo COOL!!Two thumbs way up! i dunno,suddenly i fell in love with the character "V" in this movie. He's so brave, smart and DARK (which i love the most ^-^)
Haven't seen it yet? ooh..man you have so much to lose. u'd better watch it ;p

ReSeNSi:

KapanLagi.com - Siapa bilang kalau film action tidak bisa mengajak penontonnya untuk berpikir? Kalau Anda ingin melihat aksi "dar-der-dor" yang juga kental dengan nuansa filosofis di balik ceritanya, cobalah simak film yang diangkat dari komik tahun 80-an karya Alan Moore dan David Lloyd ini.

"V for Vendetta" yang berdurasi 2 jam lebih, akan membawa Anda berpikir lebih dalam tentang arti sebuah kemerdekaan berbangsa dan bernegara. Tapi jangan keburu menyimpulkan bahwa film ini akan membuat kening berkerut. Kepiawaian sutradara James McTeigue dan penulis naskah Wachowski Brothers (yang berkolaborasi dalam "Matrix Trilogy") akan membuat Anda semakin penasaran mengikuti setiap plot ceritanya.

Kisahnya diawali oleh insiden "Konspirasi Bubuk Mesiu" yang dipelopori oleh Guy Fawkes pada tanggal 5 November 1605. Pada saat itu, Fawkes yang kecewa pada pemerintah Inggris berniat untuk meledakkan gedung parlemen. Namun, upayanya itu gagal total.

Cerita langsung melompat ke masa depan, dimana Inggris saat itu diperintah seorang kanselir "fasis" bernama Adam Sutler (John Hurt). Ia berkuasa setelah situasi kenegaraan di Inggris kacau balau akibat serangan senjata biologis. Dengan politik tangan besinya, kanselir Sutler membunuhi setiap orang yang dianggap "musuh" negara karena menyimpang dari pandangan politiknya. Evey (Natalie Portman) turut menjadi korban dari insiden berdarah itu. Kedua orang tuanya tewas mengenaskan sebagai sasaran pemusnahan massal oleh pemerintah.

Meski dendam, Evey yang seorang profesional muda, tak bisa berbuat apapun dan memilih pasrah pada keputusan penguasa. Ia pun diperlakukan secara keji oleh negara. Hingga suatu ketika, datanglah orang berjubah hitam yang bersenjatakan pisau dan mengenakan topeng (Hugo Weaving). Pria berinisial V itu menyelamatkan nyawa Evey dari kebakaran hebat di pengadilan kriminal London, Old Baley.

V yang tampil sebagai pembela kaum tertindas, melakukan serangkaian aksi perlawanan kepada penguasa yang dianggapnya sudah melakukan penganiayaan terhadap rakyat. Kanselir Sutler pun tak tinggal diam. Ia mengerahkan seluruh personil keamanan untuk memburu V dan Evey. Seorang petugas kepolisian bernama Finch (Stephen Rea) dan rekannya, Dominic (Rupert Graves) bahu-membahu dalam membongkar identitas V dan menyingkap tabir rahasia negara yang selama ini disembunyikan dari publik.

Perlahan tapi pasti, Evey mulai mengetahui latar belakang V yang misterius. Tapi Evey juga menemukan kebenaran tentang dirinya sendiri. Mereka akhirnya bersekutu untuk membawa kebebasan dan keadilan di tengah masyarakat yang diselimuti oleh kekejaman dan korupsi. Akibatnya, aksi pemberontakan merebak di seantero negeri, seiring janji V untuk meledakkan gedung parlemen Inggris, meneruskan cita-cita Guy Fawkes yang sempat kandas.

Dengan alur penceritaan yang memikat, serta didukung efek visual yang tak kalah canggih, Anda akan terbawa pada sebuah cerita aksi laga yang berbobot serta mengundang pemikiran kritis. Seperti apa yang membedakan tindakan "revolusi" dan "terorisme", sebagaimana perlawananan antara konsepsi "demokrasi", "fasisme", serta "anarkisme". Film ini seakan menjadi refleksi dari pergulatan politik internasional yang kini sedang memanas di seluruh dunia.