To the hell and back.

clock’s ticking dry like a jaded spy
awaits here on the black frail chair
despise the fact that no one will come
though the doors are wide open, my love

i keep swallowing sweet lies at your goodbyes
watching own heart gets blackened to soaked ebony
sucking clouds of smokes enticing agony
you’re no longer remember me, my love

i can’t swim inside your mind, their locked
said you’re open to me but really not
once this boat’s crushed, you, i and the rest will diffused
i'll no longer be your Muse, my love

whispering voice clinging to ears, hear?
escorting sad little souls willing to sell
empty gold incantations of the past are finally spelled
to embrace your vividly blurry future next to hell, oh well…

G.

While listening: 

[Writing] soulcramp.

there was a time when i succumbed to things just to acknowledge the fact that life doesn't always give you sweet candies. or maybe i was hoping to gain a better, bigger something for me in return. in time, i then found out that it led to nothing but to swallow more bitter pills of life. it's crushing me from inside though i don't sense it oftentimes. i'm always being too naive, or even too proud of my own hypothesis, though i know it's not right. it saves only my angst, not my soul. i still nurture that beast inside me who keeps whispering dark things to my head. it successfully grow insecurity within me and tend to linger there permanently. i must have mistaken the meaning of succumbing from losing. now, no more solid patches i can catch. no more pieces of this broken entity i can save.

they're just ashes all over. saying that it's over.

it's over.

G.

[Thought] Banning NOAH movie? I agree.

Mau ngulas sedikit tentang film yang lagi heboh dibicarain di socmed nih karena beberapa waktu lalu, Lembaga Sensor Film melarang peredaran film ini di bioskop-bioskop di Indonesia, menyusul tindakan beberapa negara lain yang sudah lebih dulu nge-ban film ini di negara mereka. Insting kepo jalan, gue pun Googling sinopsis film ini,

Yeaps! NOAH :)

Langsung aja. Gue pribadi sih setuju yaa film ini better ngga ditayangin di Indonesia. Pun kalau tetap mau ditayangin, ada baiknya dikasih disclaimer bahwa ceritanya diangkat dari kitab suci agama tertentu (yang jelas bukan Islam, karena Islam tidak pernah menghina para Nabi sendiri dengan men-visualisasikan wajah dan atau perilaku Nabi-Nabi kami sendiri. We have our own way to respect and love our Prophets) dan ada batasan umur yang dibolehkan menonton film ini.

Yang gue heran, sekitar 16 tahun yang lalu (sekitar 1998 kalau ngga salah), gue masih kelas 2 SMP. Gue bisa dengan bebasnya nonton film "Prince of Egypt" di bioskop 21 sama temen-temen gue dan ended up keluar bioskop dengan terheran-heran karena gambaran Nabi Musa yang ada di kepala gue - hasil pembelajaran gue dari buku agama sendiri tentunya - jauh berbeda dengan yang digambarkan di film itu. Sampe-sampe dirumah gw tanya lagi ke ortu, walhasil ortu harus nerangin panjang lebar tentang perbedaan sejarah kenabian antara Islam dengan agama lain, walaupun kami punya Nabi-Nabi yang sama.

Iman sempet goyah setelah nonton Prince of Egypt? Hmm, gue agak lupa. Agak lupa apa gue udah beriman waktu itu, hahaha... Yang jelas sih gue jadi bertanya-tanya, versi mana yang lebih mendekati fakta. Versi kitab suci gue, apa versi film. Tapi sejurus kemudian gw keplak kepala sendiri, "Plis lah Wed... Masa iya loe menangin cerita film yang jelas-jelas money-oriented ketimbang kitab suci loe sendiri?"

But that's the point I wanna say. Orang-orang bisa dengan gampangnya bilang, "Itu cuma film, norak amat sih pake di banned segala!". Coba kalian ada di posisi saya 16 tahun yang lalu, tapi tidak berpikiran seperti saya - yang menganggap kitab suci agama sendiri masih lebih valid daripada cerita buatan, apalagi buatan dari kitab suci yang bukan agama sendiri - dan terpukau dengan "kekerenan" film itu sampe-sampe merasuk ke otak kalian. Bahaya ngga?

Jelas. Terutama buat muda-mudi yang fondasi agamanya belum steady. Memercayai sejarah penting seorang Nabi dari sebuah produksi film yang jelas-jelas profit-oriented demi bertahan di industri, emang bisa? Bisa banget! Sorry nyebut merk, wong Dee Lestari aja sampe pindah agama setelah nulis Supernova, kemungkinan besar pembacanya juga bisa melakukan hal yang sama setelah baca novel doi. Apa yang ngga mungkin coba? Apalagi kalo kita nge-fans banget sama suatu karya tertentu yang kita elu-elukan melebihi rasa cinta kita sama pencipta kita sendiri. Nope! Ini ngga berlebihan sih IMHO. So basically yeah, I agree with LSF. Justru yang gue bingungkan, kemana LSF waktu Prince of Egypt wara-wiri dengan bebasnya di bioskop-bioskop tanah air tahun 1998 itu? Ditambah kemasan soundtrack-nya yang ciamik banget dari Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston, makin-makinlah remaja-remaja kala itu tertarik banget buat nonton PoE dan keluar dengan decak kagum - bahkan meyakini jalan cerita di film itu nyata adanya - walaupun bukan diangkat dari apa yang diceritakan dalam kitab suci mereka.

Miris :(

Jangan keburu emosi menghujat LSF. Baca, tela'ah dulu kenapa sampai (bukan cuma) Indonesia melarang penayangan film ini. Ini bukan sekedar masalah, "Negara Indonesia kapan majunya kalo gini?", No! Liat sisi psikologisnya, efek yang ditimbulkannya nanti dan kemungkinan-kemungkinan tidak baik lain. Ya itu tadi menurut gue, kalaupun masih ngotot untuk ditayangin, kasih disclaimer dan age restriction itu mungkin lebih baik. Just my little thought. Gue sendiri berencana untuk nonton film ini sih, kepo! Hehehe... But now, I'm ready with all "the lies" that I will find in the movie... Much readier than 16 years ago, hehe...

G.

[Writing] 200gr

#TheLittleOne 31-32 weeks ^^

Assalamu'alaikuuuum ^____^

Ituu diatas ituuu, iyaaa itu calon anak keduakuuuu, hehehe...

Excited, deg-degan, sedikit khawatir (tapi banyak senengnya sih) nunggu kurang lebih 8 minggu lagi sampe si debay lahir. Kenapa khawatir? Iya, karena waktu check-up terakhir gue ke obgyn, si dokter bilang bahwa si debay yang seharusnya BB normalnya udah menginjak 1,7 kg, ternyata masih 1,5 kg.

In other meaning, #TheLittleOne masih harus ngejar 200 gram lagi dalam waktu yang singkat. *sobs*

Sebenernya overall ngga ada yang perlu gue khawatirkan banget sih. Naik turun BB-nya debay masih dalam batas normal kata obgyn gue. Tapi meneliti dari eating pattern gue selama masa kehamilan ini, si obgyn merasa perlu kasih gue beberapa suplemen tambahan, menu makan khusus + susu khusus penambah BB debay. Sebenernya gue sih udah bisa makan normal ya, si mual-muntah dahsyat yang pernah gue alamin di trimester pertama kehamilan gue udah ngga ada lagi. Masih sih sesekali gue muntah kalo makan makanan yang ternyata gak disukain si debay atau makan terlalu banyak. Tapi itu udah jarang banget. Selama trimester kedua cuma sekali dan masuk  trimester ketiga juga baru sekali muntahnya.

Back to the eating pattern, iya jadi nafsu makan gue udah balik normal sebenarnya. But that's it, normal. Maksudnya normal disini adalah nafsu makan normal gue non-hamil. Itu berarti sarapan gak suka pake nasi (pake nasi kalo udah kelaparan kelas kakap), dari pagi ke siang cuma ngemil sekunyah-dua kunyah biskuit. Makan siang biasa, nasi porsi 1/2 (lebih dari setengah biasanya muntah), dari siang ke sore ngopi, minum susu (sanggupnya juga susu kedelai - which is lemaknya lebih rendah daripada full cream milk / susu hamil) dan ngemil buah apel / pisang. makan malem nasinya lebih sedikit lagi dari 1/2 porsi. Minum susu hamil kalo masih ngerasa kuat nampung aja perutnya. Kalo gak kuat ya gak gue minum (bandel! hihihi). That's it. Ini sih sama aja kaya nafsu makan gue sehari-hari waktu ngga hamil. Ngga ada perubahan apa-apa kaya normalnya bumil yang nafsu makannya nyaingin banteng, yang lapar selalu tanpa ba-bi-bu, yang bawaannya pengen ngunyah mulu. Gue sih ngga gitu, malah cenderung maunya treadmill-an, steaming... Hal-hal yang bikin keringetan dan bakar lemak. Jelas sudah si obgyn manyun dan gue kena omel. "No more gym session for you till your labor, lady!". Oh dear... >___<

Tapi setelah dikasih tau kalo BB-nya #TheLittleOne kurang 200gram - berbanding lurus dengan kenaikan BB gue yang cuma 6 kilo sampe usia kehamilan 32 minggu ini - gue emang jadi agak parno. 8 minggu waktu yang sebentar kalo ngga dirasain. Kalo selama sisa waktu itu ngga ada peningkatan mutu makanan gue, kasian si debay kalo BB-nya below standard. Oke, dok. gimme prescription and special menu, I'll eat them all!

Walhasil, check-up terakhir ini gue pulang dengan membawa resep obat yang barisannya lebih panjang. Biasanya vitamin yang dikasih si obgyn cuma 2 jenis, sekarang jadi 4 jenis. Ditambah susu khusus penambah berat badan (macam susu P*diasure-nya versi orang dewasa atau Ev*rton Weight Gain) yang harus gue minum 2x sehari DILUAR susu hamil (Oh boy...). Yang paling berat sih sebenernya menu tambahan gue setiap harinya - like all those additional menu seem never enough - adalah gue harus makan putih telur rebus 2x setiap harinya.

....................... *mata melotot mulut menganga dalam ekspresi kengerian*

Gue sih suka ya telor dan segala menu yang ada telornya. Apalagi telor 1/2 mateng pake lada banyak sama garem, hadoohh... favorit banget deh! Cuma trus ngga juga makan putih telor rebus 2x setiap hari juga sih... Gile, lama-lama berat banget menuhin kewajiban yang satu ini. Eneg coy ngadepin putih telor muluk...

Salut saya untuk Anda-Anda sekalian wahai Ade Rai, Agung Hercules dan Agnes Monica...

*Dan semua namanya dimulai dari abjad yang sama (penemuan ngga penting)*

But for the sake of my fetus, I take the challenge! Gue combine putih telornya ke dalam sarapan gue, makan siang atau makan malam. Mentok-mentok ide, putih telornya gue gadoin sama sambel terasi... tok! Chilli saves my appetite, big time! Gue gitu lho, Padang murtad yang berlidah Padang sejati :D

Kunci penting lainnya sih asal gue ngga stress aja, ngga gampang parnoan - in which I quite have an issue on this. Waktu hamil Rayyan, mood swing gue cincay, tapi hamil yang sekarang... khan maen. Keliatannya mungkin ceria-ceria aja diluar, tapi gue sebenernya jadi perasa banget terutama menginjak trimester ketiga. I try and am still trying to press down the mood swing. So far (keliatannya sih ya) berhasil, walau hasilnya adalah gue jadi lebih diem dari biasanya. Soalnya kalo beneran dikeluarin, gue bisa nangis tiba-tiba setiap saat, atau marah-marah ngga jelas. Yang kaya gitu malah ngebingungin orang lain yang (misalnya) liat gue nangis atau tetiba kena semprotan gue - dan gue sendiri gak akan bisa ngejelasin dengan bener penyebab gue begitu, karena gue sendiri juga gak tau penyebabnya apa. Ya kalo yang kena omel gue itu paham perubahan hormon bumil, kalo ngga paham? Yang ada gue di cap orang stress, hehehe... So I'd better press the emotion down by being in a silence. Ngeluarin emosinya entar pas sendirian di musholla kantor, habis shalat, waktu dzikir dan berdo'a. Itu udah paling tokcer dan victimless dah :p

Eniweeey, wish me luck yaa! 8 more weeks, duuude! Hohoho... Still, I and hubby have not found name candidates for #TheLittleOne yet. Any name suggestion, peeps? It's a "she", insyaa Allah ^^

G.

PS: I just uploaded new cover song to my Soundcloud page. A spontaneous recording during karaoke session I had with my besties at work, LOL.

[Writing] Suicidal

I fucking hate myself...

For pushing myself doing or acting something beyond my limit too often
For thinking too much upon many things that are not worthy enough to be thought about
For unconsciously liking to analyze things from many different perceptions then come to an absolutely disturbing conclusion that discreetly destroys myself and my sanity
For always building and maintaining the strong facade when this entity is being torn apart - severely
For cursing own self after that, thinking how stupid I am - mask of pride is on. Still
For willingly falling and wounding alone with silent scream and moan
For being a self-motivator by drawing fake but nice images and words to my head, forming new fragile footings for me to stand up again post-downfall

And I fucking hate myself the most...
For repeating those paths over and over again

I fucking hate myself for being suicidal and loving it.

G.

[Thoughts] I'm gonna start to...

Act like a lady. Think like a guy.

I think I'll survive that way...


Hell yeah.

G.

[Writing] Braxton hicks?

Assalamu'alaikum blog readers,

Pengen cerita. Tapi lagi ngga mood pake bahasa bule-bulean. So here we go (Lah, barusan gue nulis bahasa apa dah?)

Jadiii, awal mula cerita (ngga gitu) berguna gue ini dimulai pagi ini. Gue bangun seperti biasa jam 5 dan shalat Subuh. Terbangun dengan agak meringis karena merasa perut mules + sakit + encok di pinggang dan semacamnya lah. Sebenarnya dari malam gue udah ngerasain kaya masuk angin gitu selesai mandi. Tapi gue abaikan karena gue pikir, "Ah wajarlah ya masup angin, mandi malem-malem jam 10, keramas pulak. Trus langsung tidur dengan rambut masih basah awur-awuran (Gue bukan pencinta hair dryer, lebih suka ngeringin rambut secara alami. Besides ngirit listrik juga. I'm an economical type of wife, dude!)". Ternyata sampe Subuh tadi perut masih bermasalah. Habis shalat langsung aja deh gue masak air dan bikin kopi (Tenaang, saya ngopi hanya dua cangkir/hari kok :p) dan nyemil roti, hanya untuk memancing si feses, hehehe. Ternyata perkiraan gue bener, 2x sruput kopi dan perut langsung mules.

Sudah dong yaa tanpa berlama-lama gue ngacir ke WC dan "setor harian". Lalu, apakah masalah selesai setelah itu?

Yah, seperti yang sudah kalian tebak: T3... Tentu Tidak, Teman!

After the bo-to-the-ker, rasa mulas ilang memang. Tapi rasa sakit + nyeri di pinggang masih ninggal, bahkan getting worse. Duduk salah, tiduran apalagi. Miring kiri, miring kanan, terlentang, bahkan nungging gue lakonin... Tapi tetep aje sakit bok.

OK, is this what they call "the braxton hicks contraction"?

Truth be told, di kehamilan pertama gue, gue sama sekali ngga pernah ngerasain apa itu kontraksi - either yang asli maupun yang KW. Rasanya flat. Perut kenceng, flek-flek dikit okelah gue rasain waktu usia kehamilan diatas 37 minggu. But those were all piece of cake. Gue masih sanggup tawaf keliling mall dengan santay merantay. So now I'm totally clueless about this contraction-thingy. Walhasil meringis-meringis (dengan agak parno) aja sambil rebahan dan terus cari posisi nyaman. Laki gue ngeliat dan akhirnya nawarin jasa pijit punggung & pinggang belakang. Dia emang lebih sakti tangannya kalo soal pijat-memijat daripada gue jujur aja, hehehe... Jadi setelah dipijit sakitnya agak ilang. Entah karena emang dia jago mijit atau karena hormon oksitosinnya langsung berasa di gue, hihihi... Yaa sesekali deh dimanja laki sendiri. Biasanya gw acting like a Wonder Woman mulu, khan capek juga yaaa...

Long story short, after got myself a massage and laid down for another minute, akhirnya tu sakit berkurang. Ngga sama sekali ilang loh, karena bahkan sampe detik ini gue masih berasa "ada yang begah-begah ngeganjel" di perut sebelah kanan. Not the baby of course, because it keeps kicking me-tummee from all directions and not just from the right side. Ya semoga aja besok udah normal lagi, jadi gue ngga perlu ngontak obgyn gue. Jujur gue bukan tipe yang apa-apa harus ke dokter, dikit-dikit diperiksa, sebentar-sebentar nanya dokter. Gue lebih suka cool off dulu dan cari info dengan browsing di internet. Kalo mentok solusi, dokter baru jadi andalan final.

Barusan kelar makan siang, di dining room gue juga ngobrol dengan temen-temen cewe gue yang udah jadi mommy. Kebanyakan dari mereka beranggapan bahwa sakitnya perut ini memang kemungkinan besar adalah braxton hicks. 

Tau apa itu toni braxton? Yak, betul... dia adalah penyanyi.

Wkwkwkwk

Bukan, maksud gue braxton hicks. Ya braxton hicks itu bisa dibilang adalah kontraksi palsu - which is bukanlah kontraksi penanda bahwa si baby siap lahir. Kenyataannya justru masih jauh dari proses delivery. Setelah ngubek-ngubek milis hamil, sama seperti cerita kehamilan tiap-tiap Ibu, cerita bagaimana rasanya dan kapan dirasakannya braxton hikcs pada tiap-tiap mommy juga berbeda. Ada yang setelah 37 minggu baru berasa, ada yang dari 20-an minggu udah sering kram perut, bahkan ada yang ngga berasa sama sekali (kaya waktu gue hamil Rayyan dulu). Ada yang rasanya perut berasa kencang, pinggang encok dan selangkangan berasa nyeri, ada yang mules-mules hebat, ada yang kaya masup angin, bahkan sampe ada yang ngga sanggup bangun dari tempat tidur karena bergerak dikit aja perut udah kaya ditusuk-tusuk. Macem-macemlah intinya.

Alhamdulillah yang gue rasain tadi pagi sih ngga sampe begitu-begitu amat, walau ya gue akuin segala posisi ngelonjor kayanya salah aja karena sakitnya ngga ilang. Yang bisa gue lakuin sekarang cuma banyakkin minum air putih, makan buah, sayur dan kayanya rehat nge-gym dulu.

Nge-gym? Yes, nge-gym.

Plis jangan mencak-mencak dulu, Nge-gym versi gue bukan advanced yoga, body combat atau gravity ya. Hanya treadmill (itu pun jalan, ngga lari), sepedaan & stepper. Biasanya 15 menit treadmill jalan, 15 menit stepper / sepedaan, 10 menit angkat beban, heheh.. Yeah well, gue akuin emang masih 'bandel' angkat beban sih. Habis gimana dong? Masa kaki di exercise 30 menit, tapi tangan, bahu dan sekitarnya ngga dapet jatah?

Oiya, dan 10 menit penutup dengan steaming. Baru mandi dan bersih-bersih.

But then again, setelah dipikir-pikir (dan ditambah diomelin Ibu-Ibu se-kecamatan Bakrie & Brothers) kayanya gue emang harus nurunin kadar kebrutalan gue nge-gym deh. Terutama yang angkat beban. Ngga fair buat si jabang baby kalo emaknya tetep ngotot usaha mengubah massa lemak ke massa otot hanya demi jaga berat badan supaya ngga mencelat drastis selama hamil. It's the risk all mom must face lah, nimbun lemak-lemak lucu itu. Mungkin yang gue kurangin harusnya makanan goreng-gorengan & daging merah. Jadi nge-gym nya juga gak perlu brutal-brutal amat. Oh man...

THIS IS SPARTAAA!!

G.

[Quote] too much.

What I have learn

What I have [not] pass

[Writing] Morning, rain...

Morning rain, morning people... Assalamu'alaikum ^^

To those who are being suffered by the flood all around this lovely country... Be patient and strong, ok? Rainbow will come after storm attacks us, I do believe in that sentence - literally or metaphorically.

I just concern with one thing, please please please... From now on, let's not being so ignorant about the daily trash we throw. Just don't throw them carelessly - moreover in the river and gutter. We know now that nature never lies. We'll harvest what we've planted, and now we're harvesting it through flood. Feels shitty, right? That's why I feel like punching one's face every time I see her/him throwing garbage at any place but trash can. I'd better put the trash in my bag temporarily if I don't see any trash can nearby then to throw them carelessly, seriously. Do not act like uneducated person, hey capital residents.

Btw I just arrived at work, Alhamdulillah safe and sound and still waiting my hubby to text me if he arrives at his office too. Feeling so hungry & cold, let's have a (late) breakfast & listen to the soothing playlist, shall we? ;)

Ketupat sayur, anyone? ;)

My playlist this morning

G.

[Writing] Shown.

It's one of those times when she thinks she has thoroughly comprehend "the said and the done" one has shown her for the past recent days till one time, all the supposedly-no-longer-need-to-be-questioned things suddenly burst out before her eyes, before she was ready. Her dry suits are wet again. The dry marks re-came in absolute obvious tangible form. Didn't even able to steal a bit time to cover them up and still showed the dashing look along with a white expressionless mask.

The flaws are (finally) seen. As real as they seem. Can't she just step back, turn around and go effortlessly without being disturbed by the sound that keeps ringing in her head telling things, bad things then leave like dust on the windy road?

She doesn't deserve all this, if not by fate.

As courage has been forced to stand up in the first row, struggling toward someone or something so meaningful.

She doesn't deserve this, if not by need.

It's now or never, the answer has to be found. Oath has to be claimed.

She doesn't deserve this.

She deserves more... than this.

Most likely.

G.

While listening: Pilgrimage - NIN

[Writing] Maybe, perhaps is possible.

If possible, I would embroider these words so that none would be missed when being said.
And perhaps, glue them a bit just to make sure they won't escape from the series of words I have arranged.
Or maybe, silence is the loudest words spoken... So I don't have to quote or make up any story I could catch within this indefinite mind.


Yet, how possible is maybe than is perhaps?

G.

[Writing] Forget to usually love the rain.

Assalamu'alaikum wet people in the morning :p

Unlike other mornings, this morning's rain cheered me up with full hope, seizing something I even haven't fully picture it in my head but somehow relieving. Last night I sat in the balcony of my house, staring at the shy raindrops while rhyming the sound of them with some slow tunes I was playing in my Blackberry device. Was thinking some random things, then turned out realizing it's been a while since I got so moved by the rain and sincerely be amazed by it. How the rain usually brought hopes for me through my downfall, though they were only empty cachets. At least I survived from that, and found my way back to move on.

Have I lost that sensation?

Oh, what a big loss =(

G.

PS: While listening to The Corrs - All The Love In The World. Always cry listening to this one. all, ways...

[Writing] Mind battle.

It's distressing to have your mind battles with its own thoughts. It's really power-consuming having an endless mind monologue, when all you really need is a good slumber. Restless is all that's felt. Eyes have closed and the body's system has turned off. Yet, what lies inside the head keeps working like a slave - creating new thoughts that don't help you in recycling insanity in the night. You feel like tapping own forehead as if the brain sensed some protest there and stopped messing around, inside.

When what you seek at night is peace, mind battle never comes as solution ~ neither valium.

Nor keep being awake.

Not a way nor an answer, but let the mind keeps battling within your tiring slumber, till it grows tired and stops by its own. Perhaps when the sun finally rises, you'll have peace in between lights, traffic... and workload.

When finally it gets to 'where'. There, it has finally belonged.

G.

[Writing] What is up?

Assalamu'alaikum,

Writing again in here feels like coming back to a place called "home" and finding out there are thousands of things need to be cleaned up. This place has been abandoned for quite a time. Having my own real life with family, work & others makes me... well, forget this place I once always laid my teen-type of emotions with all those lame chaotic love and hate stories of my life. It is true, they say... That people can be so creative when they get hurt / wounded by those they care about. But once they're happy (Let's say in my case of happiness - get married, have a son & run a small warm family), the creativity just blows away like a candle that's been blown off by the wind. It seriously is, if you haven't married yet you might not feel what I just wrote.

But anyway, I feel nothing but a huge missing to this lovely page of mine so I decided to write a bit in here. Nothing to write, perhaps just some updates of my life,

Starting from my pregnancy.

In my previous blog post, I proudly informed you readers that I was positively pregnant. Yep! This is my second pregnancy, can't be more excited fo-sho and now it's entering 21st week. Actually the obgyn already has a huge hint on what sex my future child will have, but let's not so keen about it just yet. What matters now is that this womb is always safe and sound, healthy & well-protected. But I must say the truth... My first child is a "he". So, it's not so hard for you to guess what sex I'm hoping my second child to have? LOL. Yes, that's it. Let's pray to Allah, shall we?

AAMIIN...!! :D

Me & Hubby @ Pekan Produk Kreatif Indonesia - Epicentrum Walk, Dec 1st 2013

So what about it, what about my second pregnancy? I believe in the saying that every pregnancy that every mother has is unique. They have their own stories about their pregnancy stages. It is why many mothers sometimes miss the feeling of being pregnant - incl. me. I must say my second pregnancy has been... if I can't say harder, I'd say say chaotic! Hehehe... Yes, chaotic is the best word to describe it. Starting the first week I found out that I was preggo from the pregnancy test, I was quite sure that my mind impulsion to feel the nausea took part a bit. The nausea attacked me almost all day long & I felt this stomach-ache like I wanted to poop more than 3 times per/day. Wow! Never felt this in my first pregnancy, so I got shocked a bit. Always got rest on weekend. Almost had no time socializing or doing my tasks in several movements I'm joining in or even taking my family out just to have dinner / play at the play park. Always played dead on Sat and Sun. I even had this symptom called a "heart burn", a burning sensation from my throat down to my heart then to my gastric every time I drink or eat. It happened due to the high frequency of vomiting so the gastric acid came out along with the vomits. Ladies and gents, it happened until the week 16 and it felt like shit. Period.

Okay now, let's continue with other things.

Work runs well, friendship runs normal - No psychopath attack so far, LOL. What was interesting is probably about my handsome lil Ville Valo-ish son named Rayyan :D He has been circumcised! Yeaaay, finally! Alhamdulillah it ran well from the medical action till the recovery time. He was circumcised on Dec 16th after his final semester test in his school. Actually I was worried to death about how he could face the circumcision - which is undoubtedly very painful after the anesthetic effect has gone. But he once again surprised us - the parents - about how well he could manage his fear over circumcision and the pain. I didn't expect an understandable & pain-proof kinda son either. Moreover, he's still 3. But he managed it pretty well. Being spoiled for a week after the medical action, but then he got back pretty fast when the klamp has been removed from his penis 5 days post-circumcision. Anyway, after in-depth research about the best method, I & hubby decided that he would be circumcised with a smart klamp method. It's a new method that is popular recently, because it doesn't produce much blood and for me the process looked pretty humane! LOL... Well, don't blame a mother for being too worried about their treasure named kids, just don't! :D

Rayyan post-circumcision. Langsung pake celana & memang disarankan begitu. Congrats kiddo :-*

Why did Rayyan circumcised in such a very young age? Yes, we do have reasons for what we've done. It's because Rayyan's penis was having a 'situation' called Phimosis. You might wanna check out what it means on Wiki / Google. But in short, phimosis is a congenital narrowing of the opening of the foreskin so that it cannot be retracted. The effect of ignoring a Phimosis'd penis is an inflammation inside it coz the impurities from the urine settle in and can't be taken out due to the congenital narrowing. So circumcision is the only way out. Thank Allah it's over now. And as much as how funny it might sound to you, now my son has the cutest well-shaped penis ever! Hahahahahaha... Good job anyway, kiddo. Momma's proud of ya ;)

How about the 2 movements I'm joining in since 2 years ago, which are #IndonesiaTanpaJIL and @MariBerhijab?

Still running, Alhamdulillah. Both movements are doing internal committee recasting recently. Due to my pregnancy, my work load, my duty in family & my band - which is now on process of making our 3rd album - I decided to not to be too actively involved in movement programs that require field works. I'll let the tasks to the younger, more vibrant troops to handle it. Working behind the scene is prolly better now, I know my limit ;) The last program that I did with #IndonesiaTanpaJIL was a talkshow about gender & equality in Islam by @HijaberTanpaJIL - a muslimah movement under the name of ITJ. Hopefully those 2 movements can maintain a long lasting existence among the muslim people. More muslims are enlightened by Islam, that's still be our goal. Bismillah :)

 

Committee of Gender Talk Event held by @HijaberTanpaJIL with Mahdavi - Novelist. Coffee Inst, Dec 15th

What else? Oh yeah, about 3 weeks ago I received an award for my 5 years of service to the company I'm working in, Bakrie & Brothers. Alhamdulillah... Actually I should've received the award on January 2012 but there was no award event held last year, so I just received it this year. This month, January 7th, will be my 7th year of working here. Wow, time flies isn't it? Is now the right time for me to "get out of the nest and spread my wings wider"? We'll see ^___^

Me with the award (Pregnancy: 18 weeks)

The last exciting thing I want to share is that me & hubby have our own new "hobby" now, hopefully a profitable hobby (Aamiin...). His new hobby is photography. I'm so proud to see how fast he learns it. It's been his desire deep down inside, I knew it. He's gifted to that. Though I was the one who bought the SLR camera, but he's the one who learns it seriously and takes care of the camera, LOL. Me? Well, my new hobby is still related to the photography world too - a bit. Just wait, prolly will post it in here someday if I have the gut, hehehe...

Some of his works :)

Gotta back to work. You have a nice day aight? I'm out!

Wassalam,
G.

[Website] My new tumblr account.

WARNING! Not for the faint-hearted!

[Writing] #NoMention

"Cewe kalo pagi2 udah ngumbar aurat itu sungguh sesuatu sodara-sodara!"

"Ternyata jempolnya di dunia maya lebih bernyali daripada mulutnya di dunia nyata"

Atau ini dooong twit gue yang cetar membahana tadi malem,

"Walau beda payung tp kalo jalan beriringan, Anda adl saudara sy. Tp kalo dateng cuma nyampah, maaf... Gw kaga suka maenan sampah :D #cihuy"

Salam 'alaikum...

Sudah bisa menebak apa yang akan gue bahas?

Yes. Monster hestek bernama #NoMention!!

Twitter adalah social media yang terbukti sekarang ketenarannya melebihi Facebook. Semua manusia, semua pemikiran, semua opini, semua abege2 galau tumpah ruah di Twitter, berebut mau ngomong, berebut mau menuh2in timeline, berebut minta di follow, di mention, di reply, di retweet. Semua terlihat kaya ngga punya hidup asli di dunia nyata.

Lalu, muncul deh tuh istilah2 perTwitteran kaya #TwitWar, #CyberBullying lewat Twitter, #PelukVirtual dan yang teranyar dan hestek paling bertanggung jawab dalam menimbulkan ricuh di timeline >> #NoMention.

Funny fact I found about this #NoMention is that, sometimes it's the only way you can do to provoke person[s] you aim to feel pointed upon your #NoMention twits and got your message, when frontal way isn't working. Gue bilang itu lucu karena saat cara frontal [Mention, DM atau BBM] yang kita tujukan buat sasaran kita ngga digubris, justru disaat kita ngetwit #NoMention yg notabene tidak mention siapapun dalam twitnya, sasaran kita justru bisa "kena" & itu adalah alat pancingan paling efektif untuk si orang itu bersuara [dan biasanya akan #NoMention juga, oh geez... Kill me].

Lu bayangin kalo nyinyir-nyinyiran dijaman dulu pake telegram... Nunggu ampe gigi loe raib semua juga belon tentu masalah selesai. Lama cuy! :p

Tapi apa iya #NoMention itu solving problem?

Yaaa... Kalo punya otak sih bisa dijawab sendiri yaaaa.... *tepok Pramuka*

Seumur-umur gue berteman dekat, atau berhubungan dengan suami dan keluarga gue, gw belajar bahwa menyindir dan menyinyir mungkin akan membuat sasaran kita sadar bahwa kita sedang MEMBICARAKAN dia, tapi PESAN yang mau kita SAMPAIKAN sampe ngga ke dia?

Menurut looooee?!

Nah, jadii... Akhir-akhir ini, banyak personal2 pengecut yang seneng banget menyinyir (tanpa sirih dimulut mereka & sepasang payudara palsu >> untuk cowo2 gengges) di Twitter, dengan harapan ada sedikit perhatian mereka dapatkan (atau selepetan sendal mungkin lebih pantes). Suwe'nya, kadang twit2 #NoMention dia malah 'nembak' sasaran yang salah. Kalo mentok, biasanya #NoMention nya diganti ke #NtMS biar kesannya bersahaja, bukan berghibahaja (Hayooo, pada ngerasa yaa? Ahahaha...). Masalah ngga kelar, yang ada malah melebar...

Kan bego?!

Untungnya gue yang baik hati, tidak sombong, gemar menabung & ceria ini bukan tipe orang yang gampang tersinggung dengan twit2 #NoMention atau emang gue simply ngga peka dengan trik2 recehan. But in the end, akan selalu ada orang2 yang info ke gue perihal penyinyir yang kangen pengen gue perhatiin. But sorry my dear, I'm not cheap. Mau perhatian gue? Wani pirooo??

Yang  menurut gue harus digaris bawahi, di bold, di italic & kalo perlu di tato di otak kita bersama adalah; Ironisnya, twit #NoMention itu justru kita lakukan untuk nyinyir dengan orang yang KITA KENAL dan KENAL KITA. Seriously? Untuk menyampaikan uneg2 terhadap temen, saudara... Do we really need #NoMention twits?

Lucu lu boy, tapi lama-lama anyep.

I don't know what your parents have taught you about hablumminannas ya.. Tapi gue dibesarkan dari keluarga (terutama bokap) yang frontal. Ngga suka? Bilang langsung ke yang bersangkutan. Keberatan? Bilang langsung. Mau mengingatkan? Langsung ke sasaran. Seberapa lama pun masalah baru bisa selesai, tapi setelahnya udah lega. Ngga ada api dalam sekam, ngga ada dendam, ngga ada "tapi kan..." di dalam hati. Kelar!

Sebenernya budaya menyinyir ini udah sampai ke tahap memprihatinkan sih menurut gue, posisinya udah mulai ngebut nyaingin kata "hater". Atau emang nyinyir itu embrio nya hater. Does it feel really good to be hater, people? Are you really happy when someone's broken and you're broken when someone's happy? Sad but true, #NoMention twits have been overratedly abused with irresponsible peope.

But then again, as I have twitted last night as well,

"I was bitching around. I was doing nomention. Got the point? Yes... Nomention is just for bitching around w/o offering any solution. There!! And if you smart enough to bitching around, be smarter to clean up the mess. Don't do what dog does; poo-ing, pawing & leaving the stinks."

Eh, ada satu lagi sik...

 "Sesungguhnya tersinggung karena twit #nomention adalah hak semua manusia. Tolong itu jangan diambil semua hak tersinggungnya, maruk amat."

Gitu aja sik... Hope we can learn from our lessons. Dan setelah ini, gue ngga mau terima komen2 #NoMention, lagi kaga kepengen ge-er. Lagipula mau tau ngga rahasia gue dalam berteman? Mau?

Baca QS. Al-Hujuraat : 12 aja gih ;)

Cukup sekian dan terima traktir.

Wassalam,

Iwed (ngga pake #NoMention dan bukan anonim)

[Writing] Help.. Don't save me.

Dear red velvet,

You make me fat.

No doubt about that.

But my love for you will always attached.

Sincerely,

The endless appetite

[Poem] Judge me.

Yo, wazzup?

I'm warming my feet up

Sitting around looking lout

I saw you walking in the crowd

Dreaming that someone's care enough to stalk

Don't bother to look or to stop

To just checking the stalker out

Don't hallucinate things you think you've got

You don't own what's ticking in the clock

The temperature has never been this drop

The warmth around here has been robbed

By a central-ego head jug

Yeah huh, one rotten heart-clot

Would love to see flowing blood

Run from up down and above

Neither a villain nor a thug

I'm just a girl holding a grudge

See, someone is stuck, clogged!

Who fakking cares with a judgmental brock?

Standing there like an untrue snob

Oops, am I being rude? I'm sorry... NOT!

Peace out.

G.

[Writing] I pray for you.

Hey, how are you? I see you, just now. All looks good. You look happy with that smile upon you, embracing your little angel that once you considered as "something you would never belong to."

Hey, I know you. I do. You are the one that once had killed me, ripped me & stabbed me from all directions with the dirtiest lowest blackest lies one could imagine to say, and to write upon another.

Hey, I haven't say this to you. Until now, no glimpse of the past shadows have enlightened me of what I have done wrong to you. What have I done, Hey? What have these hands, legs, eyes, ears or this mouth, heart, nose & brain done to you that you felt you needed to spit shit all over me & left me in silent wrath?

Hey, do you remember me? The one that you judged with lame observations like a little girl hitting water balloon with eyes closed. You hit the wrong balloon. You hit the wrong girl. You hit the wrong ego. It was nothing but the beastest beast of me who had been rudely woken up by a troll heart of yours and all that you saw was more than you might expected. I was knitting my yarn of revenge in harmless silence and a glorious smile formed on these lips in which a princess won't be able to impersonate.

Hey, have you paid it? I know you have. You might have swallowed the prickles that burst out from a snow ball you created through that witching times of yours. They went down through you chest, fixing what's broken. Even if it was beyond time to repair. But you've changed by my vengeance. I see you now nowhere near a figure that was used to be yours; drop dead disgusting and empty.

Hey, I send pray for you... For all [good] things that you said won't happen to you, will happen. I pray for you... For all [bad] things you've said about me, won't be true.

I pray for you, that one day when you finally realize all shitty things you've said about me were never there and never be. I pray for you that you will pray for me.

Then all this riot remains something to laugh about, mostly about the stupid rivalry that never have to be existed. Now... Does that ring a bell to you? :)

Sincerely,

Your fave enemy.

I hate you... Hic!!

I

hic

hate

hic

these

hic... hic

Hic...

hic

UPS!!