Perdus dans le rêve.

A glimmer burst in my eyes and drew vivid ray
When I laid back here and took breaths as they were all taken away
I tried to keep what I have with my remaining strength
Cause all I have had turned to something completely strange
My feet were walking in decent rhymes
My hands were swinging in solid blind
Stepping onto you, a stranger once were recognized
With glaring hazel eyes standing, waiting in disguise
Look at you, wistful-looking face…
I was simply thought I know you
Just by a second glimpse
I was thought you are true
My mind should now be hardened blackened as a rock
Should be enough of being deceived I could just do save skin and block
Hissing around as smell and silhouette came out
After for target that should be no one, should be none
But I kept walking onto you
Though somehow I knew you would never be true
I believed in false figure as I would never believe in anything else
I breathed in your air and dreamt in your sleep
When the light turned on, at forever last
You remained a mirage
I had my wake up
When were yours?

~ G ~

My life now.

I’m at Minangkabau International airport right now, waiting to board to go back to Jakarta. Starting days of routine as I usually waste my age to, as you all do as well... *sighs*

Been going to Bandung, Bali and Padang for the past year, I think this is the end of my fun adventure trip, at least for this year. My pregnancy is getting bigger and riskier now that it doesn’t allow me to have a far trip anymore. I should put my pregnancy as top priority now and no excuse for that. I haven’t seen my obstetrician again while my pregnancy is now passing the week 9. My nausea is still killing me (as usual) and I’m suffering a food disorder now. Not because I do diet (and I must not do that while being pregnant), but because suddenly I loathe all scents of food and dislike lots of food, which is not something I used to do. Being pregnant definitely ruins all my daily activities and routines. In Bali, I couldn’t do parasailing and bungee jumping while those two things are in my top to-do-list-in-life. In Padang I couldn’t enjoy having culinary hunting because of this sudden dislike-ness.

If I don’t keep reminding myself that this is all worth it, I would call this as a heavy disaster! I never can imagine how a pregnant woman feel during their pregnancy, even after hearing some of my mommy-friends’ stories about facing their pregnancy stages for more than 9 months. And now, being pregnant for two months has giving me so much things to learn and consider. The one hardest fact to face is this: that I am now officially bound. Neither a relationship nor a marriage could bind me from being me, literally... But a pregnancy could bind you in an absolute way. No escape, no compromise... I am now officially bound, everyone. This lil thing inside my embryo has succeeded in making me pulling over anything aside and put this thing in front all of ‘em.

And this is not my whining heart tale. At first, I thought I was gonna be so. But a miracle (let’s say so) happened, I never complain anything because of it. I am happy... hmm, nauseously happy actually (heheh..). I’m this close to officially announce about my life being perfect. I can wait, I will wait... 7 months ahead should be something not so hard for a hard-head like me (lol). Plus, everyone around me now loves me even more than before. My husband, parents, parents in law, brothers, sisters in law, friends (true ones as always), and cousins and even my lil niece and nephew.

I should learn from this new experience. I should take all good things behind, beyond and underneath it. Being bound is not always bad, because to be bound with someone / something you’re in love with – even when you haven’t seen her / him before – is not something bad at all. I’m falling love with this new thing inside me, though we never seen each other, but I know that – somehow – this baby-to-be loves me too. I wish...

And so the miracle is still going.

~ G ~

Saturday, Sept 26th

14:30 – Lounge

Minangkabau International Airport

Morning sickness.

It is worth it, as I believe For a 9-month-long of this everlasting blurry faint As it is always paid off, they said This nauseous feeling draws and grows thousands of dreamy hopes It is back breaking, as I am recently experiencing When you feel like to swallow all things you loathe, surprisingly As it is so naturally normal, like they said When indolence is you and heaven is a layback It is different in every step, as what I read The jolting moments would bring wider smiles As all I keep in this fragile sphere-like organ Is what I would die to cover No matter what, no question why I know it already that I fly When fall can no longer describe the volume Of my love My affection You, little thing inside me Be nice :)

~ G ~

Double strips.

I never know how it feels to know at one second that a small long piece of paper could tell you the news of the world, until last night.

I was shaking... My hands were shaking... My eyes got teary and suddenly everything is not important but this thing, this small long piece of paper had stolen my world.

It tells everything, everything I wanna know, everything I would die to know. Everything I've been waiting for the sake of my marriage and for the sake of my life.

That for the first time...

This double strips had made me lose my breath and repeatedly say "Alhamdulillah"

Alhamdulillah...

Alhamdulillah...

Alhamdulillah...

I think I'm going to have a baby...

~ G ~

I'm the last one standing.

I'm doing flashback in Myspace now. Opening people's Myspaces, from friends to foes, reading their comments and blogs. Until I got stuck in one interested (should admit that) entry, titled, "Kamu cantik, kenapa mengangkang?"

Hahahaha, really.. I'm shaking reading this one entry. Back then, I was shaking for the sake of anger and angst for knowing someone talking shit about me like she knows me the deepest (sorry my dear, maybe deep down inside, you really want to be someone that special in my life... keep dreaming on, perhaps one day you will... if we meet in hell.. perhaps).

But now I'm still shaking when reading this.. shaking for the sake of fun. lol... yeah, I'm reading a journal about me in an extremely negative way with laughter. Well, at least behind those pimped-out boobs, she got writing talents (khas pelipiran).

Please take a look at this photo, I'm sure you ever saw this one outside my own Myspace. Perhaps you ever saw this one in someone's blog.

Yeps, a picture of me that she uploaded in her insulting blog (thanks, my dear.. you know I love this pic the most). fyi, she copied the pic without my permission. As she is a journalist (as far as I know), copying someone's property without permission means a crime. And hmm, let me see... As far as I concern, a crime worth a punishment.

But well, on second thought I don't have to waste my precious time suing her... As I believe that she already realized her (lots of) mistakes, even if she denies them as hell.. She is receiving the payback, undirectly. Coz to pay someone back, you don't have to get your hand dirt, coz Karma does exist (right sist?).

"Thousand useless words don't mean a thing. Coz what matters is who will be the last one laughing here"

Adios.
~ Iwed whom she said "Pelacur" in her blog. FYI, my name is Iwed, you bitch ~

Head piece of one of the suicide bombers.

The newest news I read from detik.com. Please open this site.

Pleeease, why don't just throw this filthy head piece to the starving police dogs?! I really HATE them, the suicide bombers. I'm this close to meet Ryan Giggs, man.. THIS CLOSE!!! And they ruin it all... I condemn the bombers to their last heirs and heiresses. Allah would never receive superficial heart like them.

May your soul rest (not) in peace, bombers. Selamat bertemu dengan Imam Samudera CS....

Di neraka.

Cerita Si Congor.

Cerita sang Congor

Congor.

Sebenarnya si Congor adalah wanita yang sangat cantik. Sebenarnya si Congor adalah wanita yang sangat menarik. Namun dia ber Congor.

Congor.

Mungkin kalau dia ditanya, hal apa yang paling dia kuasai, dia akan dengan gamblang menyatakan semua hal dari A-Z.. Apapun selain merujuk kepada Congor -nya. Namun tetap saja, dia akan menjelaskan semuanya dengan panjang lebar menggunakan Congor-nya. Segala sesuatu yang paling menonjol dari apa yang terlihat pada dirinya.

Congor.

Lebih sering berdusta dari pada berkata apa adanya. Lebih sering melihat apa yang ingin dia lihat daripada menerima kenyataan yang tidak sesuai dengan nafsu perangnya, terutama dengan nafsu Congor-nya yang sudah sangat tidak sabar ingin menyebarkan fitnah pedas panas ke semua telinga yang sanggup menampung lahar Congor-nya.

Congor.

Ingatlah, one day di alam baka, senjata utamamu itu akan di tutup se erat-eratnya. Bahkan kekuatan maha dasyat si Congor dalam menyebarkan sampah-sampah pelipiran ke segala jurusan pun tidak akan mampu dan daya untuk membuka sekat pengerat kedua batas bibir yang merah merekah itu. Ingatlah, bahwa walaupun telinga, mata, hati, tangan dan kakiku tidak berCongor di dunia, mereka akan berlomba berkata bersaksi atas senjata Congor yang kamu gunakan di ke fanaan.

Cukup saja si Congor membabi buta di dunia, nanti… tinggal akhirat yang menyudahi kelakarnya

Si Congor pun

Sepertinya

Meregang nyawa.

~ G ~

Sweet Nightmare.

My body was half solid

My breath was all toxic

This lying-under-surface beauty was forsaken

Appeared as if all were brusquely taken

I kept questioning myself

To the dark sky, to the blind wind

To the colorless rain with unbearable pain

To the smirking spy, with dreadful pale skin

Still, the answer was buried under my contra prediction

I could only make the unfinished conclusion

While she, standing on the breeze of the icy rooftop

Was coming closer, with pointing finger

The sound in my head was yelling some misspell words

Couldn’t help it was just make things get worse

My feet were as heavy as they were stuck

The remaining voice sounded afar

Had to go and leave

Must not see

I bended not to the creepy lady

But there... she was finally here

Beaming as it wanted to say that this is my end

Yet here… I was staring there

Hoping for a way out the same time with hoping there will be something happen

Would I wait for her to strake me first?

Or would I not?

Fear had taken me, it made me blacked out

And for the sake of my sacred dried tears, I opened my eyes

I saw red, I saw eyes and I saw blood in my grasp

I saw you, lying there with no life

As I finally came back to the earth, grasping for more air

To be able to slowly pervade really

I knew you…I knew you...

I knew you…

PS: Based on my sweet nightmare couple days ago.

Pic By: DeviantArt

~ G ~

The Agonist - Lullabies For The Dormant Mind [2009].

“Lullabies for the Dormant Mind” is the sophomore release from Century Media metalcore band The Agonist. It’s quite clear from their sound that they hail from Montreal, Quebec, Canada.

Okay, frankly I listen more of Hardcore than Metalcore, and I have no idea of noticeable Metalcore bands abroad. Till one day I was introduced to this band led by a woman. Lullabies for the Dormant Mind, the album called. It is released early this year and is the second album of this Canadian Metalcore band.

The vocalist, Miss Alyssa White-Gluz... hmm, okay she’s pretty, hot and she can sing. A rare combination we can find. Down to their music, well... I really can’t say whether those are good metalcore songs or not, but I think the songs themselves sound quite interesting and impressive. I rarely found a chick who can sing and growl, and both are done quite well. Referring to some album reviews I read in webs, I found this album has nothing new to offer. Based on some opinions, the previous album Once Only Imagine [2007] is even worse quality than this one. And really, I don’t know in what side they think this album is straightly average because for me this album is okay. Aside from reality that I’m quite impress to find such vocal type.

One of opinions that smashes this album the hardest is from this site that says,

“After Only Once Imagined I did not have very high hopes for this band. They were boring and unoriginal metalcore and had very one-dimensional vocals. The only appeal was that the singer was a chick and a hot one at that (still the only reason I think Lacuna Coil has fans). As you can imagine, a fiery personality such as Alyssa would want to avoid this, and make sure that people know she has chops. She made herself quite clear throughout Lullabies for the Dormant Mind, and brought more of an arsenal than last time. Many of the songs are more progressive death metal, and black metal sounding than the tired metalcore sound they had last time. This is not, however, to say that the approach they have taken has changed all that much. It is still quite clearly the same band.”

But well, your opinion might different or extremely the opposite one, depends on how you see or value Metalcore music. I’m on the grey area, I see this album is okay, I see the music quality is average, and I see the vocalist is quite promising. But if someone asked me whether I fancy this album or not, I would say that even Scabbia isn’t able to growl, but at least she can write lyrics that stab, something that Miss Gluz has failed to do it, here in this album.

~ G ~

Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs.

Been completely bored with routine, I definitely think that this movie is the best solution I could offer you for refreshing your stressing mind [besides Transformer, of course]. So last night, I and my husband were planning to watch Transformer in 21 Setiabudi after office hour [eversince Die has divided his heart to me with Megan Fox. Though yes, I admit that Megan Fox is the new Jolie’s promising competitor... sighs]. But apparently the ticket were sold out, so we decided to watch Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs.

Hmmm... okay, this is not a joke and I’m not playing around with you. But I really suggest that you should bring enough water and maybe some mint candies to prevent your throat from being ache. Coz yes, that movie is completely mental! In the first five minutes I’ve had been laughing my ass off becoz of it. And that happened until the movie’s done! All appear in this movie is straightly a belly spinner... nuff said, I’m highly recommending you to watch this one.

For reading the synopsis, please click this site, and for the thriller, click this one.

Enjoy watching, be ready to get your ass kicked :D

Sacred moon.

Night turns indulging butterflies

Moon ups and goes diversifying colors

I lay here waiting

You walk there seizing

Thousand times have I seen it

still,

it feels like seeing for the first time

Watching what God could create

And it remains me for nothing to doubt

So why are you still there?

Come here

Do me.

06/15/09

~G~

Seven deadly sins

The seven deadly sins, also known as the capital vices or cardinal sins, are a classification of the most objectionable vices that have been used since early Christian times to educate and instruct followers concerning (immoral) fallen man's tendency to sin. They are: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride.

The Catholic Church divided sin into two principal categories: "venial", which are relatively minor, and could be forgiven through any sacramentals or sacraments of the church, and the more severe "capital" or mortal sin. Mortal sins destroyed the life of grace, and created the threat of eternal damnation unless either absolved through the sacrament of confession, or forgiven through perfect contrition on the part of the penitent.

Beginning in the early 14th century, the popularity of the seven deadly sins as a theme among European artists of the time eventually helped to ingrain them in many areas of Christian culture and Christian consciousness in general throughout the world. One means of such ingraining was the creation of the mnemonic "SALIGIA" based on the first letters in Latin of the seven deadly sins: superbia, avaritia, luxuria, invidia, gula, ira, acedia.

Source taken from Wikipedia

• Has anyone watched the movie "Se7en" yet? It is so hard for me to find the original/pirate DVD *sighs*
  

~ G ~

Show off bitch!

Shit. I’m sick of dealing with this kind of person. A person of a million. A person who sells her dignity [NOT!] and faith [certainly ILLUSIONABLE!] to make some false perceptions over everybody else only in order to make herself looks cooler and better than the one she got mess with.

Shoot. I’m fed up dealing with this kind of creature. A person who isn’t able to sort out list of priority from the most essential one until the last one I call “rubbish”, yet she does most of things out from rubbish. Or maybe she is rubbish? Well, the hell with that. Someone has actually loved her fortunately. She has savior, or maybe she calls him another victim of her rubbish head mind.

Freak. She’s definitely one of them. Out to the world being someone whom people think she‘s a so-call experienced person. Out of the false opinion too, she proudly thinks my experience in life is next to none. And there she goes, dancing dirtily around dumb people telling what is good and bad, telling what to do and not. Telling she’s the one and I am the last. Her bouncing lips go down and dirty with her bouncing tits, go down until her bouncing ass. But yes, ha-ha... another person had already raping down all of ‘em, didn’t he?

Fuck. Just fuck yourself off from my face, will ya? You’re just one in a million, really. It’s hurting me to tell you this. But what else could truth offer besides biting reality? Better think I’m your reality, coz I bite. And I bite only for reminding. Once you walk over my head, I’m the one who will make you lose that thing off your body. Coz I’m a killer indeed.

And you, you know no shit about it coz of your business selling your pride over and over. Chill, relax and step back. Watch out, I have poisoned fangs and my knife is sharp.

You show off bitch!

Pic by; Iwed [You can be a bitch. But a show off bitch deserves HELL !!]

~ G ~

Final Champion taun ini ngga seru!!!

Sumpah, final Champion taun ini bener-bener NGGA SERU!!! Bukan karena gue mihak MU [like always], tapi karena emang dari awal pertandingan kedua kubu udah main ngga seru. Ngga seimbang banget.

MU main kaya pakai beban, tapi kadang-kadang juga keliatan kaya under-estimate Barca. Padahal Messi berbahaya banget pagi ini, sedangkan Scholes mandul, Ronaldo JADUL.. [Gue benci banget ma dia dari sejak pengkhianatannya ke Inggris di Piala Dunia. Dasar tukang diving cengeng! Borok MU luh, sama aja kaya Inzaghi di Milan] dan entah kenapa Back MU lagi seret mengkeret banget. Pokoknya ngga ada perlawanan berarti dari MU buat Barca.

Bener-bener bikin ngga semangat nontonnya, ngga kaya dua taun lalu waktu Liverpool dibikin nangis sama Milan saat final pembalasan dendam yang sangat manis itu.

Sudah sudah, final Champion taun ini emang ngga seru banget! Tunggu aja taun depan, MILAN will be the next Champion's winner.

FORZA MILAN...!!!!

[ 03:56 am ---- tidur dengan hati kecewa]

~ G ~

Pity.

From the bottom of my heart,

I pity you.

Really.

~G~

Photo by: hostdrjack

It’s dying. See that, man!

This morning I arrived at my office at 10 am!! I was stuck even from the housing. Me and my husband had been wondering what happened and guessing that must be because of the hard rain last night. And hell it was...

I and my husband went out from home at 7 when it all happened. We couldn't move forward, we were really stuck. Then after 30 minutes of waste, we turned around and went back home. I tried to call my brother to check his condition and he hadn't gone yet so he didn't know that the traffic outside our housing was incredibly awful [my home and my brother's are close]. We finally got information from one of our neighbors that there was small erosion near the housing! I was just like... WHAT THE FUCK?!

So, regarding to the housing mentioned before, let me introduce you with the high-dream of Kelapa Gading residency there. Near my house, once there were veggie-fields spread out in both sides of the road to Kelapa Gading Gate 2 and Gate 3. Then, last year our local government decided to reorganized [in my case it means swept off!!] the veggie fields into something more "content" and "city-look". So they decided to replace the fresh fields to one subsidized apartment and a new luxurious housing named "Grand Orchard". The construction itself has been running since early this year. I found it a bit anxious to know that my housing won't be the same anymore with the green veggie fields that were once bring us the freshness in the morning and the evening but then it has to be changed to something that will bring us more and more population. I can't stop wondering what do the local government searching for by constructing more and more housings and apartments in Kelapa Gading, though they know that our drainageges are getting worse each year... that's why we're beginning to suffer by flood every time the rainy season comes.

But anyway, they are still continuing the construction. Later, one day I looked to the area and what I saw made me really angry; they have higher the new housing land! It's their tactic to avoid flood attack. But hell-O... if the Grand Orcharders-to-be will be safe from the flood, then what about us, the older neighbors? Many people have the same thought like I do, we've been thinking scarily of how this land will becoming in the next five years ahead when all the apartments and residences here are ready to use.

Back to this morning, finally they harvest their own seeds [though we – forcibly – have to harvest it with them too]. The higher land they built got crushed by the hard rain last night and caused the small erosion. It blocked the road from the residence to Kelapa Gading, what happened next was a nightmare... the worst traffic ever this year, in a history of our residence. Yes, let's imagine, you were in your house about to go to work, you went out from your fence, you made one right turn from the block and bhoom! You got stuck there for almost an hour without making any progress. And yes, you were still in the same cool calm fresh residence, except that it was so bloody hell crowded by all vehicles and people going to work. Smokes are everywhere in the air above us. I felt like getting dizzy so I asked my husband to go back home and found other alternative roads.

Finally – after 10 minutes break at home – we got back to road and take the alternative farer road to my work. We took Cakung – Pulomas – Arion – Pramuka – Matraman – Manggarai – Kuningan road [O my God, that was f*cking far, man!]. And, after the hot blood and rush we arrived here! Here, my office... 10 am!! [3 hours, wow!!]

Dude, I'm recalling my husband's statement last night on our way home. He said that Jakarta will be FULL of vehicles [and this is literally] they will fill ALL roads in Jakarta and will make the WORST traffic along the history in 2014 [experts and wisdom thinkers said]. That's because car selling got increase every year yet government won't be able to widen the road again, can't tell is it about money or about the incapability to sweep off the residence coz of the increasing population growth every year. So the population growth = car & motorcycle buying ≠ road width. And not to forget the global warming issue we're facing now, sadly just small groups of people who are aware of how urgent and dangerous this issue is. The rest remain ignorance, though they know that the nature is dying.

So, still think that this world is okay?

~ G ~

My Personality. Ikutan yuuuk! :p

1. Open this website : http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

2. Take the Personality Quiz

3. Copy Paste the result to Facebook

4. Tag your friends (including me o_o)

Well, My Personality based on this test :

Your view on yourself:

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Errr... okay this is scary! LOL

~ G ~

Embracing heart.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds.
Admit impediments. Love is not love.
Which alters when it alteration finds.
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark.
That looks on tempests and is not shaken.
It is the star to every wandering bark.
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Loves's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks.
Within his bending sickle's compass come.
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks.
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me proved.
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

They think I'm weird.

I own something they don't

I speak different language

I wake up at night

I sing with sweet revengeful banshee

I love my black long hair

And so they think I'm weird.

Atypical historical

A woely arduous mental

I feed my own deeds

I try to be honest to the fault

And honesty must always been paid off

Painful as what it literally seemed

Yet painful feels so tediously numb

In these eyes I shed dry tears

Collecting every pieces remain

Of the broken dry dreams

They looked darkly beautiful

I desire to live that way

Dreamy ever after

And so they still think I'm weird?

Why don't just slay them all?

~ G ~

The Unaccepted.

She can’t feel the wind blow

She can’t tell to where they go

Paralyzed, the unwanted ghost crying in the corner

The night starts singing, they won’t end the night

They won’t end the torture, the ghost still has to face the massacre

She can feel all eyes staring at her

They’re drooling, their fangs sharpened

They speak as they detain

They laugh as they bite

They scream as they kill

And they kill as hell

She doesn’t want to feel anything anymore

Like a one-winged angel, she losses her power

No arm

No shoulder

No one

She’s the unwanted, she is the princess become the scum

Excruciating, like a werewolf seeing a full moon

Delivers painful messages through injuring

Something she would live forever with

Something she would bear as weakness

Something she would become

The unaccepted

She would do wrong for the rest of his [unreal] life

Screaming will be muted

Protest will be a pantomime

Body will be wasted

Hand will be petrified

Tears will be useless

Death will be heaven

The unwanted remains still

Night seems unfriendly

Where dark cannot offer comfort anymore

The owl hides its head, it tells it cannot save her anymore

To the fanged fear, to the bitten reality

To the fake saint who kills your soul discreetly in faux blissfulness

She wishes to be unseen

The ghost wishes to be a ghost.

- G -