Written on Dec 17, 2007
Huff, I kinda still sleepy this morning and typing these words with eyes half-closed, but I can’t help not to tell about what was happen yesterday when I was in Bandung with my band to perform live on stage at AACC building on a gig called Beauty In Darkness. The gig was awesome and performed also with much much great gothic female-fronted bands such as Bumble Bee, Caresent, Sadie, Geboren, Alfa and of course my band Gelap, lol
The gig that should be held from 3 pm was having a great deal of late till 7 pm. Me and Gelap’s members & crews went from the studio at 10 am and arrived there at 4 pm, a bit late from what was planned to arrive there around lunch time but unfortunately we were stuck at nowhere in the middle of town [none of us are from Bandung, so couple times we got misdirection, hehehe…]. Then we were headed to our hotel to get some rest coz Gelap would perform couple hours after so we could have some chillin time together and could get to know with another bands that were also resting in the hotel. At 8 pm the committee named Putut called us to get ready for the performance. We brought 3 songs; Ashes, Beautiful Stranger and the last was Gerbang Timur. We performed before Geboren and after Alfa [FYI – esp to Ipoel – the new Geboren’s vocalist is unveiled and they just have one vocalist, the former three veiled vocalists apparently had resigned couple months ago. So I couldn’t have chance to compare myself with one of the vocalist who – like sooo many people said – has a very similar face like me, hehehe…].
The crowd was AMAZING!! I never thought that Bandung has a very huge gothic community there. They had a very big enthusiasm to watch female-fronted bands as it hardly appear in stages that we commonly see [esp in Jakarta where Metal music with male-fronted bands are the Gods, while Gothic is not fully appreciated as much as metal]. But there, they did an awesome job to amazingly appreciate the females that tried so hard to prove their existence thru gothic music. It drove my adrenaline and my mood, and the result was our – so far – best performance. We had great applause from the audience and that was the first time I thought that Bandung’s people are so into dark music and appreciate it a lot. I love the audience, I love Bandung!! lol
We performed at 9.30 and finished at 10. Then I hurriedly got back to my hotel because there was still one business to do there; with this guy.
So this guy – as I’m gonna reveal him to u guys – was also performed in the gig last night. His band’s name is Sadie, from Jogjakarta. He’s the guitarist and his name is Arya but people call him Arez. We’ve known each other for the past year, since we first made friend together thru Friendster. He lives in Jogjakarta and he was the first to find me in the net and ask me to make friend with him coz our commonness about fancying gothic music. Then he once gone from May-Sept, and again appeared in my friendster page with definitely different perspective about our friendship. He honestly tried to get into me as he never hides his interest toward me. I – who honestly speaking – had a broken heart not so long after his reappearance was responding flatly but in a positive way I still told him that we still have the chance to make it work. What makes it hard is that the distance. Yes, distance sucks… big time! We together ever had a fail LDR [Long Distance Relationship] back then and it’s kinda traumatized us and it make us made a promise to not to do that LDR anymore. But now it hit us back. We cannot deny the feeling we have for each other yet we have to hold the feeling inside coz we both have this same pessimistic feeling about LDR and we don’t wanna get hurt anymore in the future. So things turned out to be so blurry for our relationship; we’re not like friend anymore coz we’re getting closer each day but we’re not even a couple yet coz of that fvckin pessimistic feeling about LDR that make us build our own invisible boundaries.
Last night, has finally be our very FIRST meeting, face to face, heart to heart, mind to mind. Actually he – again – has been gone from Nov 6 till last nite when we met. First he said about being gone for just a week or two, but after two weeks he still missing and I couldn’t figure what the heck is happening. Last nite, we met, we talked, and he apologized. But did the problem got resolved?
No!
He sleep one nite in that hotel while my band was straightly went back to Jakarta couple hours after the performance. Knowing that I wouldn’t sleep in the hotel, he got pissed. He said he really wanted to spend some REAL quality time with me and chat with me while his eyes looking at my very face, not looking at the handphone or the PC monitor when we’re online. He asked me to stay till tomorrow [today] and he said he will drive me home to Jakarta. At first I thought it was a good idea, but then I realize that my band’s buddies won't agree. They have this morale responsibility to take care of me – the girl in a band, they won’t let me stay with a guy that they can consider as a total stranger. No… my friends are too much care about me. So then I decided to keep goin home and left him behind.
To be honest I didn’t want to leave him that fast that I still want to talk with him coz indeed our problem hasn’t been solved. Apparently he is a very nice guy, although a bit hi-jealousy behavior, but he’s fine… more than fine to me. But our communication last nite hadn’t come to the top conclusion of how we will work this relationship and what this relationship will be named; a friend or a couple. When at 11 pm my buddies finally called me to go home while we were still in the hot conversation. I still remember the last chat we did,
Iwed: trus kamu maunya apa?
Arez: Udah sana masuk mobil… km udah dipanggil Rince tuh!
Iwed: Trus km ga jadi ngomong apa mau kamu?
Arez: Km mau tau mauku?
Iwed: Apa?
Arez: Aku mau lebih!! Hubungan yang kita jalanin selama ini jadi lebih...
Iwed: Define “lebih” please
And he kept silent till Rince shouted my name again and I really got to get into the car. I called his name once again and he remained still in the chair – with a ciggar and Nescafe Latte [Gosh, even we have the same habit!]. So there, I left him alone, I got into the car and left. He sat still until I arrived at Jakarta [he phoned me and said so].
I can’t tell whether I’m happy or sad with this first meeting. I have difficulties to convince him that I have no one that close with me as boyfriend or so [He always mentioned about how much guys are surrounding me and how I could easily pick one of them, and of course I would pick someone not so FAR from me… WTF!!!]. I think I have to build his trustworthiness to me first before making another step ahead in our relationship.
Yeah, our relationship still remains unclear… he still in Bandung now, will leave at 2 pm to Jogjakarta. Still bring angst and sadness coz of my leaving last nite. Well, what can I do? Tell me… what can I do, sunshine?
Huff, an hour just to type this. Oh my Gosh, it was a long blog, doesn’t it? Hahaha…
