[The Day] Officially 30!

Alhamdulillah Allah has given (and is still giving) me a life full of blessings till this far. I only have one wish; to give me a healthy body & mind for many years to come, so I can keep taking care of my family - the most precious thing Allah ever gave me.

Happy rocking birthday, Iwed. Oh wait, that's me!

November 15 - The Scorpio girl!

 Officially 30. Officially happy!

★★★★★

Eat on your own plate.

some people are just plain shallow and mean they can't stand seeing everybody else's happy achievement. they'll see greener color when looking at someone's grass and it makes them feel unsatisfied. they whisper lies behind her back so others will turn around and stand against her though she didn't do anything wrong and remained harmless. they left her no space to defend herself and wherever she goes, others will throw cynical glance at her.

she gets fed up with this lousy cheerleader-type of bullying, it feels ridiculous and stupid. because it happens by a stupid reason. everyone has their own plate. she deserves the lunch menu on her plate that she has cook / bought and so do others. people can't just take her plate and eat her food by force or intentionally nudge down her plate and ruin the food she deserves to have.

you go for your own blessing and make yourself worthy of earning one. be thankful for the smallest thing you have instead of always comparing it to others' because it won't be enough for you until you own the universe - which by the way won't ever happen till the universe itself vanished. own your blessing and stop cursing the blessings other people are having while you're not. think again, have you make yourself worth it?

from now on, she won't be beaten up by some crappy cunning trick those mean people will do to her. i won't be beaten up by some crappy cunning trick those mean people will do to me.

eat on your own plate and leave mine... you wrinkly old hags. :)

G.

[Review] Lacuna Coil - Broken Crown Halo

 

 

I was so thrilled when Cristina Scabbia announced in her Instagram in the end of 2013 that Lacuna Coil will release their 7th album called Broken Crown Halo at the early year of 2014. IMO, overall this album is better than their last album Dark Adrenaline (2012), except of course the tracks "Give Me Something More", "Kill The Light" and the super sweet cover song of R.E.M "Losing My Religion", always be my fave ones of Dark Adrenaline album. But in the Broken Crown Halo, they dare to add some new atmospheres of a darker, bolder and more powerful music, packed with honest lyrics. I feel some new Lacuna Coil who still keep their 'signature' style of musicality.

 

Try listening to "Die & Rise", "I Burn In You", "Victims" and "One Cold Day". I particularly love "Zombie", "Die & Rise" and "One Cold Day". The piano in the track One Cold Day is somewhat soul-sucking, mind-blowing and surreal at the same time. And in Die & Rise, I looove love love when Scabbia sings her mother tongue lines,

Risorgero in ogni momento poiche
So che in vita si tramutera

 

(Damn! So sexy!)

 

I hope their next album will have the same kind of hardness and softness in their music simultaneously. And seriously, they need to sing a full gothic metal song in Italian language. I dig it <3

Would rate 8 out of 10 for Broken Crown Halo. Good job, guys! Ti amo non importa cosa ;)

G.

To the hell and back.

clock’s ticking dry like a jaded spy
awaits here on the black frail chair
despise the fact that no one will come
though the doors are wide open, my love

i keep swallowing sweet lies at your goodbyes
watching own heart gets blackened to soaked ebony
sucking clouds of smokes enticing agony
you’re no longer remember me, my love

i can’t swim inside your mind, their locked
said you’re open to me but really not
once this boat’s crushed, you, i and the rest will diffused
i'll no longer be your Muse, my love

whispering voice clinging to ears, hear?
escorting sad little souls willing to sell
empty gold incantations of the past are finally spelled
to embrace your vividly blurry future next to hell, oh well…

G.

While listening: 

[Writing] soulcramp.

there was a time when i succumbed to things just to acknowledge the fact that life doesn't always give you sweet candies. or maybe i was hoping to gain a better, bigger something for me in return. in time, i then found out that it led to nothing but to swallow more bitter pills of life. it's crushing me from inside though i don't sense it oftentimes. i'm always being too naive, or even too proud of my own hypothesis, though i know it's not right. it saves only my angst, not my soul. i still nurture that beast inside me who keeps whispering dark things to my head. it successfully grow insecurity within me and tend to linger there permanently. i must have mistaken the meaning of succumbing from losing. now, no more solid patches i can catch. no more pieces of this broken entity i can save.

they're just ashes all over. saying that it's over.

it's over.

G.

[Thoughts] You'll see!

 

 

 

 

 

I might be naive oftentimes but I'm not stupid.

 

 

 

 

 

you'll see

 

 

 

 

 

[Writing] About her: Diandri Almira Widi.

Assalamu'alaikum, readers!

I'M BAAACK!!

Wohohoho... How are you? All is well hopefully, yes? Aamin...

How am I doing? Never better! Why so? Well, let me introduce you with someone....

Pic taken by hubby

This cute lil girl is Diandri Almira Widi. We call her "Andri".

Diandri = My & hubby's name (buDI & ANDRIani). Andriani is my last name :)

Almira = The word is from Arabic language (also used in Greek language) means "Aristocrat or Princess" - a noble call to a woman.

Widi = From a Sanskrit language, means "knowledge" or "intelligence".

My second child, my first daughter. Finally was born safely to the world on April 26, 2014 at 3:48 pm through sectio surgery, and weighted 2.65 kg. Alhamdulillah, now I have a pair of amazing kids! What more could I ask? Thank you, Allah <3

Speaking about Andri, she was born 3 weeks earlier than the due date. As I have told you in my blog titled "[Writing] 200gr", Some 'condition' occurred in my fetus. First, the fetus didn't grow as expected, she only weighted 1,5 kg on her 30th weeks, when she should have weighted 1,7 kg. Second, it seemed that there was a very smooth leakage of the amniotic fluid as there was a quite significant decrease of it (normal amount is 10, mine was just 7.8), and third, I was having an early contraction on my 33rd weeks so then I was hospitalized for two nights to prevent the early contraction from getting worse. The obgyn gave me two times of injection to mature the baby's lungs (in where my vagina felt so fucking itchy couple seconds after the injection. Bummer, haha!), in case the contraction continued and I needed to deliver the baby that day. But Alhamdulillah she stayed inside my belly a little longer, hehe... I was probably being too exhausted everyday at work. Almost everyday, I went home at night, went to and from work with motorcycle, plus I did exercise at the gym 3 times a week. DANG!!

"What the hell was she doing?", you'd prolly ask that question in your mind about me. Yes, I - too - feel stupid, come to think of it. People say you'll live your life easier and more relaxed on your second pregnancy, regarding you're experienced enough to take care your fetus and all. But no. Heck no. I skipped one most important thing about pregnancy: DON'T GET TOO TIRED. But that didn't stop me from being a badass overworked woman, wasn't I?

I'm sorry, my baby bunny. You were the one who had to bear your mommy's mischievousness *sighs*.

After being hospitalized from March 26 - 28, the obgyn forbid me to work again. So after a week of bedresting, I submitted my maternity leave form to the HR staff & my boss. I have 20 "empty" days, meaning I was going through 20 days on bed, just laid down having what my body and my fetus had been screaming since the beginning; RESTING.

And still no baby. What kind of maternity leave was that? Meh.

During my early maternity leave, I must.. bold, underline and italic this, I MUST eat six egg-whites everyfuckingday!! Not to mention a pile of vitamins & special meds to help gaining my baby's weight, and 2 glasses of hi-protein milk. GAAAAHHH!!! That felt like f.o.r.e.v.e.r. I swear God now I'm a bit trauma with egg-white. Na'ah... Won't eat that thing again for about a hundred years ahead, lol! Then I have a weekly meeting schedule with my obgyn to control the baby's progress. Everything went well, till on my 37 weeks of pregnancy (around April 20), the obgyn found no happy progress on her weight. In a week, she only gained weight below 100 gram, "That's it. You're having a surgery a week ahead, lady. She ain't growing inside there anymore (pointing my fat belly)." Then I thought, "Well that's not bad. At least she could hold on inside me for a month since I was hospitalized". I was scheduled to have a sectio surgery on April 27th, but then she must be taken out a day earlier because the amniotic fluid decreased again from 8.8 to 7.1.

Pic taken by hubby

With the chubs-chubs (I feel like eating those cheeks, lol)

A day after she was born, my breastmilk had come out. Yeaaay... Learning from my previous breastfeeding time with #LittleRayyan, I already pumped my milk the day after my surgery - of course along with bfeeding Andri. Must be honest, I felt soo guilty to her, esp when knowing she just weighted 2.65 kg, while her brother weighted 3,3 kg when he was born. So I was like turning into a breastmilk bitch. I'm all about breastfeeding and breastpumping. I ignored the 'quite-maddening' pain that I felt post surgery, what mattered to me was only bfeeding her & collecting the milk since the beginning. I have collected more than 6 bottles of milk @60ml during 4 days of recovery at the hospital. Seemed to be destined to do that, on Day-3 Andri's bilirubin (hematoidin) was 11,7. Not too high but couldn't be ignored as well. The DSA suggested a blue light treatment to Andri for a day. You know the rule, aight? During the treatment I couldn't breastfeed her, so the pumped breastmilk I had been collecting was very useful. Till today, Alhamdulillah I have collected enough (even a lot) stockpile of breastmilk inside the freezer at home. I already got back to work since last week, the struggle to pump the milk has begun ladies and gents. I determine and demand myself to bfeed Andri till she's 2 years old - just like her brother. She must grow as healthy as possible with my breastmilk. I have to make it up to her to remove the guilty feeling I've been bearing, hehehe... Wish me luck!! *fingers crossed*

Breast is Best!!

May 18th 2014

June 7th, 2014

July 13th, 2014

One nice thing to know is that Rayyan's and Andri's birthdays are so close to each other. Rayyan is on April 24th and Andri is on April 26th. Hohoho... It's a blessing thing to us - parents right? LOL.

Anyway, my hubby had been collecting videos since my first trimester of pregnancy till Andri was born. The video has up on Youtube. It's our little present to her just so someday - when we're not in this world again - she could see how much her parents love her and want the best for her, for her brother as well. They're everything to me, they're the air I breathe, the charger of my battery, the water for my dry throat. They're my ultimate antidote.

Rayyan Widi Alastair & Diandri Almira Widi

Taken by hubby

Enjoy the video, I gotta go now... Pumping! LOL. Have a nice day, peeps. Happy fasting and enjoy the Eid Fitr's allowance (Or should I say, THR??). Yeeehaaaww...! :D

Wassalam,

G.

[Thought] Banning NOAH movie? I agree.

Mau ngulas sedikit tentang film yang lagi heboh dibicarain di socmed nih karena beberapa waktu lalu, Lembaga Sensor Film melarang peredaran film ini di bioskop-bioskop di Indonesia, menyusul tindakan beberapa negara lain yang sudah lebih dulu nge-ban film ini di negara mereka. Insting kepo jalan, gue pun Googling sinopsis film ini,

Yeaps! NOAH :)

Langsung aja. Gue pribadi sih setuju yaa film ini better ngga ditayangin di Indonesia. Pun kalau tetap mau ditayangin, ada baiknya dikasih disclaimer bahwa ceritanya diangkat dari kitab suci agama tertentu (yang jelas bukan Islam, karena Islam tidak pernah menghina para Nabi sendiri dengan men-visualisasikan wajah dan atau perilaku Nabi-Nabi kami sendiri. We have our own way to respect and love our Prophets) dan ada batasan umur yang dibolehkan menonton film ini.

Yang gue heran, sekitar 16 tahun yang lalu (sekitar 1998 kalau ngga salah), gue masih kelas 2 SMP. Gue bisa dengan bebasnya nonton film "Prince of Egypt" di bioskop 21 sama temen-temen gue dan ended up keluar bioskop dengan terheran-heran karena gambaran Nabi Musa yang ada di kepala gue - hasil pembelajaran gue dari buku agama sendiri tentunya - jauh berbeda dengan yang digambarkan di film itu. Sampe-sampe dirumah gw tanya lagi ke ortu, walhasil ortu harus nerangin panjang lebar tentang perbedaan sejarah kenabian antara Islam dengan agama lain, walaupun kami punya Nabi-Nabi yang sama.

Iman sempet goyah setelah nonton Prince of Egypt? Hmm, gue agak lupa. Agak lupa apa gue udah beriman waktu itu, hahaha... Yang jelas sih gue jadi bertanya-tanya, versi mana yang lebih mendekati fakta. Versi kitab suci gue, apa versi film. Tapi sejurus kemudian gw keplak kepala sendiri, "Plis lah Wed... Masa iya loe menangin cerita film yang jelas-jelas money-oriented ketimbang kitab suci loe sendiri?"

But that's the point I wanna say. Orang-orang bisa dengan gampangnya bilang, "Itu cuma film, norak amat sih pake di banned segala!". Coba kalian ada di posisi saya 16 tahun yang lalu, tapi tidak berpikiran seperti saya - yang menganggap kitab suci agama sendiri masih lebih valid daripada cerita buatan, apalagi buatan dari kitab suci yang bukan agama sendiri - dan terpukau dengan "kekerenan" film itu sampe-sampe merasuk ke otak kalian. Bahaya ngga?

Jelas. Terutama buat muda-mudi yang fondasi agamanya belum steady. Memercayai sejarah penting seorang Nabi dari sebuah produksi film yang jelas-jelas profit-oriented demi bertahan di industri, emang bisa? Bisa banget! Sorry nyebut merk, wong Dee Lestari aja sampe pindah agama setelah nulis Supernova, kemungkinan besar pembacanya juga bisa melakukan hal yang sama setelah baca novel doi. Apa yang ngga mungkin coba? Apalagi kalo kita nge-fans banget sama suatu karya tertentu yang kita elu-elukan melebihi rasa cinta kita sama pencipta kita sendiri. Nope! Ini ngga berlebihan sih IMHO. So basically yeah, I agree with LSF. Justru yang gue bingungkan, kemana LSF waktu Prince of Egypt wara-wiri dengan bebasnya di bioskop-bioskop tanah air tahun 1998 itu? Ditambah kemasan soundtrack-nya yang ciamik banget dari Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston, makin-makinlah remaja-remaja kala itu tertarik banget buat nonton PoE dan keluar dengan decak kagum - bahkan meyakini jalan cerita di film itu nyata adanya - walaupun bukan diangkat dari apa yang diceritakan dalam kitab suci mereka.

Miris :(

Jangan keburu emosi menghujat LSF. Baca, tela'ah dulu kenapa sampai (bukan cuma) Indonesia melarang penayangan film ini. Ini bukan sekedar masalah, "Negara Indonesia kapan majunya kalo gini?", No! Liat sisi psikologisnya, efek yang ditimbulkannya nanti dan kemungkinan-kemungkinan tidak baik lain. Ya itu tadi menurut gue, kalaupun masih ngotot untuk ditayangin, kasih disclaimer dan age restriction itu mungkin lebih baik. Just my little thought. Gue sendiri berencana untuk nonton film ini sih, kepo! Hehehe... But now, I'm ready with all "the lies" that I will find in the movie... Much readier than 16 years ago, hehe...

G.

[Writing] 200gr

#TheLittleOne 31-32 weeks ^^

Assalamu'alaikuuuum ^____^

Ituu diatas ituuu, iyaaa itu calon anak keduakuuuu, hehehe...

Excited, deg-degan, sedikit khawatir (tapi banyak senengnya sih) nunggu kurang lebih 8 minggu lagi sampe si debay lahir. Kenapa khawatir? Iya, karena waktu check-up terakhir gue ke obgyn, si dokter bilang bahwa si debay yang seharusnya BB normalnya udah menginjak 1,7 kg, ternyata masih 1,5 kg.

In other meaning, #TheLittleOne masih harus ngejar 200 gram lagi dalam waktu yang singkat. *sobs*

Sebenernya overall ngga ada yang perlu gue khawatirkan banget sih. Naik turun BB-nya debay masih dalam batas normal kata obgyn gue. Tapi meneliti dari eating pattern gue selama masa kehamilan ini, si obgyn merasa perlu kasih gue beberapa suplemen tambahan, menu makan khusus + susu khusus penambah BB debay. Sebenernya gue sih udah bisa makan normal ya, si mual-muntah dahsyat yang pernah gue alamin di trimester pertama kehamilan gue udah ngga ada lagi. Masih sih sesekali gue muntah kalo makan makanan yang ternyata gak disukain si debay atau makan terlalu banyak. Tapi itu udah jarang banget. Selama trimester kedua cuma sekali dan masuk  trimester ketiga juga baru sekali muntahnya.

Back to the eating pattern, iya jadi nafsu makan gue udah balik normal sebenarnya. But that's it, normal. Maksudnya normal disini adalah nafsu makan normal gue non-hamil. Itu berarti sarapan gak suka pake nasi (pake nasi kalo udah kelaparan kelas kakap), dari pagi ke siang cuma ngemil sekunyah-dua kunyah biskuit. Makan siang biasa, nasi porsi 1/2 (lebih dari setengah biasanya muntah), dari siang ke sore ngopi, minum susu (sanggupnya juga susu kedelai - which is lemaknya lebih rendah daripada full cream milk / susu hamil) dan ngemil buah apel / pisang. makan malem nasinya lebih sedikit lagi dari 1/2 porsi. Minum susu hamil kalo masih ngerasa kuat nampung aja perutnya. Kalo gak kuat ya gak gue minum (bandel! hihihi). That's it. Ini sih sama aja kaya nafsu makan gue sehari-hari waktu ngga hamil. Ngga ada perubahan apa-apa kaya normalnya bumil yang nafsu makannya nyaingin banteng, yang lapar selalu tanpa ba-bi-bu, yang bawaannya pengen ngunyah mulu. Gue sih ngga gitu, malah cenderung maunya treadmill-an, steaming... Hal-hal yang bikin keringetan dan bakar lemak. Jelas sudah si obgyn manyun dan gue kena omel. "No more gym session for you till your labor, lady!". Oh dear... >___<

Tapi setelah dikasih tau kalo BB-nya #TheLittleOne kurang 200gram - berbanding lurus dengan kenaikan BB gue yang cuma 6 kilo sampe usia kehamilan 32 minggu ini - gue emang jadi agak parno. 8 minggu waktu yang sebentar kalo ngga dirasain. Kalo selama sisa waktu itu ngga ada peningkatan mutu makanan gue, kasian si debay kalo BB-nya below standard. Oke, dok. gimme prescription and special menu, I'll eat them all!

Walhasil, check-up terakhir ini gue pulang dengan membawa resep obat yang barisannya lebih panjang. Biasanya vitamin yang dikasih si obgyn cuma 2 jenis, sekarang jadi 4 jenis. Ditambah susu khusus penambah berat badan (macam susu P*diasure-nya versi orang dewasa atau Ev*rton Weight Gain) yang harus gue minum 2x sehari DILUAR susu hamil (Oh boy...). Yang paling berat sih sebenernya menu tambahan gue setiap harinya - like all those additional menu seem never enough - adalah gue harus makan putih telur rebus 2x setiap harinya.

....................... *mata melotot mulut menganga dalam ekspresi kengerian*

Gue sih suka ya telor dan segala menu yang ada telornya. Apalagi telor 1/2 mateng pake lada banyak sama garem, hadoohh... favorit banget deh! Cuma trus ngga juga makan putih telor rebus 2x setiap hari juga sih... Gile, lama-lama berat banget menuhin kewajiban yang satu ini. Eneg coy ngadepin putih telor muluk...

Salut saya untuk Anda-Anda sekalian wahai Ade Rai, Agung Hercules dan Agnes Monica...

*Dan semua namanya dimulai dari abjad yang sama (penemuan ngga penting)*

But for the sake of my fetus, I take the challenge! Gue combine putih telornya ke dalam sarapan gue, makan siang atau makan malam. Mentok-mentok ide, putih telornya gue gadoin sama sambel terasi... tok! Chilli saves my appetite, big time! Gue gitu lho, Padang murtad yang berlidah Padang sejati :D

Kunci penting lainnya sih asal gue ngga stress aja, ngga gampang parnoan - in which I quite have an issue on this. Waktu hamil Rayyan, mood swing gue cincay, tapi hamil yang sekarang... khan maen. Keliatannya mungkin ceria-ceria aja diluar, tapi gue sebenernya jadi perasa banget terutama menginjak trimester ketiga. I try and am still trying to press down the mood swing. So far (keliatannya sih ya) berhasil, walau hasilnya adalah gue jadi lebih diem dari biasanya. Soalnya kalo beneran dikeluarin, gue bisa nangis tiba-tiba setiap saat, atau marah-marah ngga jelas. Yang kaya gitu malah ngebingungin orang lain yang (misalnya) liat gue nangis atau tetiba kena semprotan gue - dan gue sendiri gak akan bisa ngejelasin dengan bener penyebab gue begitu, karena gue sendiri juga gak tau penyebabnya apa. Ya kalo yang kena omel gue itu paham perubahan hormon bumil, kalo ngga paham? Yang ada gue di cap orang stress, hehehe... So I'd better press the emotion down by being in a silence. Ngeluarin emosinya entar pas sendirian di musholla kantor, habis shalat, waktu dzikir dan berdo'a. Itu udah paling tokcer dan victimless dah :p

Eniweeey, wish me luck yaa! 8 more weeks, duuude! Hohoho... Still, I and hubby have not found name candidates for #TheLittleOne yet. Any name suggestion, peeps? It's a "she", insyaa Allah ^^

G.

PS: I just uploaded new cover song to my Soundcloud page. A spontaneous recording during karaoke session I had with my besties at work, LOL.

[Writing] Suicidal

I fucking hate myself...

For pushing myself doing or acting something beyond my limit too often
For thinking too much upon many things that are not worthy enough to be thought about
For unconsciously liking to analyze things from many different perceptions then come to an absolutely disturbing conclusion that discreetly destroys myself and my sanity
For always building and maintaining the strong facade when this entity is being torn apart - severely
For cursing own self after that, thinking how stupid I am - mask of pride is on. Still
For willingly falling and wounding alone with silent scream and moan
For being a self-motivator by drawing fake but nice images and words to my head, forming new fragile footings for me to stand up again post-downfall

And I fucking hate myself the most...
For repeating those paths over and over again

I fucking hate myself for being suicidal and loving it.

G.

[Thoughts] I'm gonna start to...

Act like a lady. Think like a guy.

I think I'll survive that way...


Hell yeah.

G.

[Introductory] New Blog!!

Yeah baby... New blog!

I feel like this blog in where I usually put my writings on has been "contaminated" by other irrelevant things such as fashion and make up. I knew already that I supposed to make another blog to put any post about this hidden passion of mine long time ago, yet I didn't do it. And when I wanted to export my make up and fashion-related posts to the new blog, I failed (meh!). In short, I made another blog regarding make up and fashion, just in my point of view. Please don't see me as some beauty blogger or hijabista. I'm far from that. Yet, I can't deny that I'm a normal woman who likes to gain knowledge and information about make up & fashion, to then share them back to others. You know... girls. Talk and share, share and gossip, gossip and twist, twist and shout, shout and spread. No listening and keeping, LOL.

No, that's so not me. Guaranteed! :)))

Back to topic, you can now see me talking about girl things just by one simple click:

www.iweddeathlust.blogspot.com

Feel free to read, leave a comment or even follow the blog if you don't mind. If you have question(s) or simply wanna share the new make up babe or ask me to review any make up, send me email to goddess.lusty@gmail.com. Insyaa Allah I'll be glad to respond them :)

Gotta go now. Bye.

G.

[Writing] Braxton hicks?

Assalamu'alaikum blog readers,

Pengen cerita. Tapi lagi ngga mood pake bahasa bule-bulean. So here we go (Lah, barusan gue nulis bahasa apa dah?)

Jadiii, awal mula cerita (ngga gitu) berguna gue ini dimulai pagi ini. Gue bangun seperti biasa jam 5 dan shalat Subuh. Terbangun dengan agak meringis karena merasa perut mules + sakit + encok di pinggang dan semacamnya lah. Sebenarnya dari malam gue udah ngerasain kaya masuk angin gitu selesai mandi. Tapi gue abaikan karena gue pikir, "Ah wajarlah ya masup angin, mandi malem-malem jam 10, keramas pulak. Trus langsung tidur dengan rambut masih basah awur-awuran (Gue bukan pencinta hair dryer, lebih suka ngeringin rambut secara alami. Besides ngirit listrik juga. I'm an economical type of wife, dude!)". Ternyata sampe Subuh tadi perut masih bermasalah. Habis shalat langsung aja deh gue masak air dan bikin kopi (Tenaang, saya ngopi hanya dua cangkir/hari kok :p) dan nyemil roti, hanya untuk memancing si feses, hehehe. Ternyata perkiraan gue bener, 2x sruput kopi dan perut langsung mules.

Sudah dong yaa tanpa berlama-lama gue ngacir ke WC dan "setor harian". Lalu, apakah masalah selesai setelah itu?

Yah, seperti yang sudah kalian tebak: T3... Tentu Tidak, Teman!

After the bo-to-the-ker, rasa mulas ilang memang. Tapi rasa sakit + nyeri di pinggang masih ninggal, bahkan getting worse. Duduk salah, tiduran apalagi. Miring kiri, miring kanan, terlentang, bahkan nungging gue lakonin... Tapi tetep aje sakit bok.

OK, is this what they call "the braxton hicks contraction"?

Truth be told, di kehamilan pertama gue, gue sama sekali ngga pernah ngerasain apa itu kontraksi - either yang asli maupun yang KW. Rasanya flat. Perut kenceng, flek-flek dikit okelah gue rasain waktu usia kehamilan diatas 37 minggu. But those were all piece of cake. Gue masih sanggup tawaf keliling mall dengan santay merantay. So now I'm totally clueless about this contraction-thingy. Walhasil meringis-meringis (dengan agak parno) aja sambil rebahan dan terus cari posisi nyaman. Laki gue ngeliat dan akhirnya nawarin jasa pijit punggung & pinggang belakang. Dia emang lebih sakti tangannya kalo soal pijat-memijat daripada gue jujur aja, hehehe... Jadi setelah dipijit sakitnya agak ilang. Entah karena emang dia jago mijit atau karena hormon oksitosinnya langsung berasa di gue, hihihi... Yaa sesekali deh dimanja laki sendiri. Biasanya gw acting like a Wonder Woman mulu, khan capek juga yaaa...

Long story short, after got myself a massage and laid down for another minute, akhirnya tu sakit berkurang. Ngga sama sekali ilang loh, karena bahkan sampe detik ini gue masih berasa "ada yang begah-begah ngeganjel" di perut sebelah kanan. Not the baby of course, because it keeps kicking me-tummee from all directions and not just from the right side. Ya semoga aja besok udah normal lagi, jadi gue ngga perlu ngontak obgyn gue. Jujur gue bukan tipe yang apa-apa harus ke dokter, dikit-dikit diperiksa, sebentar-sebentar nanya dokter. Gue lebih suka cool off dulu dan cari info dengan browsing di internet. Kalo mentok solusi, dokter baru jadi andalan final.

Barusan kelar makan siang, di dining room gue juga ngobrol dengan temen-temen cewe gue yang udah jadi mommy. Kebanyakan dari mereka beranggapan bahwa sakitnya perut ini memang kemungkinan besar adalah braxton hicks. 

Tau apa itu toni braxton? Yak, betul... dia adalah penyanyi.

Wkwkwkwk

Bukan, maksud gue braxton hicks. Ya braxton hicks itu bisa dibilang adalah kontraksi palsu - which is bukanlah kontraksi penanda bahwa si baby siap lahir. Kenyataannya justru masih jauh dari proses delivery. Setelah ngubek-ngubek milis hamil, sama seperti cerita kehamilan tiap-tiap Ibu, cerita bagaimana rasanya dan kapan dirasakannya braxton hikcs pada tiap-tiap mommy juga berbeda. Ada yang setelah 37 minggu baru berasa, ada yang dari 20-an minggu udah sering kram perut, bahkan ada yang ngga berasa sama sekali (kaya waktu gue hamil Rayyan dulu). Ada yang rasanya perut berasa kencang, pinggang encok dan selangkangan berasa nyeri, ada yang mules-mules hebat, ada yang kaya masup angin, bahkan sampe ada yang ngga sanggup bangun dari tempat tidur karena bergerak dikit aja perut udah kaya ditusuk-tusuk. Macem-macemlah intinya.

Alhamdulillah yang gue rasain tadi pagi sih ngga sampe begitu-begitu amat, walau ya gue akuin segala posisi ngelonjor kayanya salah aja karena sakitnya ngga ilang. Yang bisa gue lakuin sekarang cuma banyakkin minum air putih, makan buah, sayur dan kayanya rehat nge-gym dulu.

Nge-gym? Yes, nge-gym.

Plis jangan mencak-mencak dulu, Nge-gym versi gue bukan advanced yoga, body combat atau gravity ya. Hanya treadmill (itu pun jalan, ngga lari), sepedaan & stepper. Biasanya 15 menit treadmill jalan, 15 menit stepper / sepedaan, 10 menit angkat beban, heheh.. Yeah well, gue akuin emang masih 'bandel' angkat beban sih. Habis gimana dong? Masa kaki di exercise 30 menit, tapi tangan, bahu dan sekitarnya ngga dapet jatah?

Oiya, dan 10 menit penutup dengan steaming. Baru mandi dan bersih-bersih.

But then again, setelah dipikir-pikir (dan ditambah diomelin Ibu-Ibu se-kecamatan Bakrie & Brothers) kayanya gue emang harus nurunin kadar kebrutalan gue nge-gym deh. Terutama yang angkat beban. Ngga fair buat si jabang baby kalo emaknya tetep ngotot usaha mengubah massa lemak ke massa otot hanya demi jaga berat badan supaya ngga mencelat drastis selama hamil. It's the risk all mom must face lah, nimbun lemak-lemak lucu itu. Mungkin yang gue kurangin harusnya makanan goreng-gorengan & daging merah. Jadi nge-gym nya juga gak perlu brutal-brutal amat. Oh man...

THIS IS SPARTAAA!!

G.

[Photography] Same old brand new Jakarta

Assalamu'alaikum,

From 35th floor, a hello comes from a girl with thick hijab, black narcissistic-pic sweater, black pants, black socks & a cup of hot black coffee, wishing you guys to have a nice - if possible - warmer morning, at least warmer than her morning, lol.

Hijab by Zirraa. Follow their Twitter: @ZirraaOlshop

Btw, she would like to post some pics she took last week when flood attacked Jakarta. Same old same old, eh? Only God knows when that curse will stop 'visiting' the city every year. Anyway, better still see things in positive side. At least I could still sharpening my photography skill through this natural phenomena with 50mm f/1.8 and 135mm f/2.8 sears lenses of mine ~B/W style.

Let's have a look, shall we?

Bye :)
G.

PS:
- All the pics are my own artwork. DO NOT COPY THEM WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. Thanks 
- If you want to see other pics I have taken with my SLR cam, you can visit my flickr account, and add me if you have one too. Thanks

Looks like enjoying the ride :D

Hardworker

Rayyan and daddy

In front of my housing

After accompanying mom & dad hunting pictures in the flooded area, Rayyan watched The Lone Ranger with Papa :p

This is what I call "economy tactics" :p

This is the road to my brother's house. His house is on the right side. The flood reached until the adult thighs.

He wanted to have fun with what the flood could offer him.

Spontaneous pool, lol.

[Quote] too much.

What I have learn

What I have [not] pass

[Writing] Morning, rain...

Morning rain, morning people... Assalamu'alaikum ^^

To those who are being suffered by the flood all around this lovely country... Be patient and strong, ok? Rainbow will come after storm attacks us, I do believe in that sentence - literally or metaphorically.

I just concern with one thing, please please please... From now on, let's not being so ignorant about the daily trash we throw. Just don't throw them carelessly - moreover in the river and gutter. We know now that nature never lies. We'll harvest what we've planted, and now we're harvesting it through flood. Feels shitty, right? That's why I feel like punching one's face every time I see her/him throwing garbage at any place but trash can. I'd better put the trash in my bag temporarily if I don't see any trash can nearby then to throw them carelessly, seriously. Do not act like uneducated person, hey capital residents.

Btw I just arrived at work, Alhamdulillah safe and sound and still waiting my hubby to text me if he arrives at his office too. Feeling so hungry & cold, let's have a (late) breakfast & listen to the soothing playlist, shall we? ;)

Ketupat sayur, anyone? ;)

My playlist this morning

G.

[Writing] Shown.

It's one of those times when she thinks she has thoroughly comprehend "the said and the done" one has shown her for the past recent days till one time, all the supposedly-no-longer-need-to-be-questioned things suddenly burst out before her eyes, before she was ready. Her dry suits are wet again. The dry marks re-came in absolute obvious tangible form. Didn't even able to steal a bit time to cover them up and still showed the dashing look along with a white expressionless mask.

The flaws are (finally) seen. As real as they seem. Can't she just step back, turn around and go effortlessly without being disturbed by the sound that keeps ringing in her head telling things, bad things then leave like dust on the windy road?

She doesn't deserve all this, if not by fate.

As courage has been forced to stand up in the first row, struggling toward someone or something so meaningful.

She doesn't deserve this, if not by need.

It's now or never, the answer has to be found. Oath has to be claimed.

She doesn't deserve this.

She deserves more... than this.

Most likely.

G.

While listening: Pilgrimage - NIN

[Writing] Maybe, perhaps is possible.

If possible, I would embroider these words so that none would be missed when being said.
And perhaps, glue them a bit just to make sure they won't escape from the series of words I have arranged.
Or maybe, silence is the loudest words spoken... So I don't have to quote or make up any story I could catch within this indefinite mind.


Yet, how possible is maybe than is perhaps?

G.

[Writing] Forget to usually love the rain.

Assalamu'alaikum wet people in the morning :p

Unlike other mornings, this morning's rain cheered me up with full hope, seizing something I even haven't fully picture it in my head but somehow relieving. Last night I sat in the balcony of my house, staring at the shy raindrops while rhyming the sound of them with some slow tunes I was playing in my Blackberry device. Was thinking some random things, then turned out realizing it's been a while since I got so moved by the rain and sincerely be amazed by it. How the rain usually brought hopes for me through my downfall, though they were only empty cachets. At least I survived from that, and found my way back to move on.

Have I lost that sensation?

Oh, what a big loss =(

G.

PS: While listening to The Corrs - All The Love In The World. Always cry listening to this one. all, ways...

[Writing] Mind battle.

It's distressing to have your mind battles with its own thoughts. It's really power-consuming having an endless mind monologue, when all you really need is a good slumber. Restless is all that's felt. Eyes have closed and the body's system has turned off. Yet, what lies inside the head keeps working like a slave - creating new thoughts that don't help you in recycling insanity in the night. You feel like tapping own forehead as if the brain sensed some protest there and stopped messing around, inside.

When what you seek at night is peace, mind battle never comes as solution ~ neither valium.

Nor keep being awake.

Not a way nor an answer, but let the mind keeps battling within your tiring slumber, till it grows tired and stops by its own. Perhaps when the sun finally rises, you'll have peace in between lights, traffic... and workload.

When finally it gets to 'where'. There, it has finally belonged.

G.

[Writing] What is up?

Assalamu'alaikum,

Writing again in here feels like coming back to a place called "home" and finding out there are thousands of things need to be cleaned up. This place has been abandoned for quite a time. Having my own real life with family, work & others makes me... well, forget this place I once always laid my teen-type of emotions with all those lame chaotic love and hate stories of my life. It is true, they say... That people can be so creative when they get hurt / wounded by those they care about. But once they're happy (Let's say in my case of happiness - get married, have a son & run a small warm family), the creativity just blows away like a candle that's been blown off by the wind. It seriously is, if you haven't married yet you might not feel what I just wrote.

But anyway, I feel nothing but a huge missing to this lovely page of mine so I decided to write a bit in here. Nothing to write, perhaps just some updates of my life,

Starting from my pregnancy.

In my previous blog post, I proudly informed you readers that I was positively pregnant. Yep! This is my second pregnancy, can't be more excited fo-sho and now it's entering 21st week. Actually the obgyn already has a huge hint on what sex my future child will have, but let's not so keen about it just yet. What matters now is that this womb is always safe and sound, healthy & well-protected. But I must say the truth... My first child is a "he". So, it's not so hard for you to guess what sex I'm hoping my second child to have? LOL. Yes, that's it. Let's pray to Allah, shall we?

AAMIIN...!! :D

Me & Hubby @ Pekan Produk Kreatif Indonesia - Epicentrum Walk, Dec 1st 2013

So what about it, what about my second pregnancy? I believe in the saying that every pregnancy that every mother has is unique. They have their own stories about their pregnancy stages. It is why many mothers sometimes miss the feeling of being pregnant - incl. me. I must say my second pregnancy has been... if I can't say harder, I'd say say chaotic! Hehehe... Yes, chaotic is the best word to describe it. Starting the first week I found out that I was preggo from the pregnancy test, I was quite sure that my mind impulsion to feel the nausea took part a bit. The nausea attacked me almost all day long & I felt this stomach-ache like I wanted to poop more than 3 times per/day. Wow! Never felt this in my first pregnancy, so I got shocked a bit. Always got rest on weekend. Almost had no time socializing or doing my tasks in several movements I'm joining in or even taking my family out just to have dinner / play at the play park. Always played dead on Sat and Sun. I even had this symptom called a "heart burn", a burning sensation from my throat down to my heart then to my gastric every time I drink or eat. It happened due to the high frequency of vomiting so the gastric acid came out along with the vomits. Ladies and gents, it happened until the week 16 and it felt like shit. Period.

Okay now, let's continue with other things.

Work runs well, friendship runs normal - No psychopath attack so far, LOL. What was interesting is probably about my handsome lil Ville Valo-ish son named Rayyan :D He has been circumcised! Yeaaay, finally! Alhamdulillah it ran well from the medical action till the recovery time. He was circumcised on Dec 16th after his final semester test in his school. Actually I was worried to death about how he could face the circumcision - which is undoubtedly very painful after the anesthetic effect has gone. But he once again surprised us - the parents - about how well he could manage his fear over circumcision and the pain. I didn't expect an understandable & pain-proof kinda son either. Moreover, he's still 3. But he managed it pretty well. Being spoiled for a week after the medical action, but then he got back pretty fast when the klamp has been removed from his penis 5 days post-circumcision. Anyway, after in-depth research about the best method, I & hubby decided that he would be circumcised with a smart klamp method. It's a new method that is popular recently, because it doesn't produce much blood and for me the process looked pretty humane! LOL... Well, don't blame a mother for being too worried about their treasure named kids, just don't! :D

Rayyan post-circumcision. Langsung pake celana & memang disarankan begitu. Congrats kiddo :-*

Why did Rayyan circumcised in such a very young age? Yes, we do have reasons for what we've done. It's because Rayyan's penis was having a 'situation' called Phimosis. You might wanna check out what it means on Wiki / Google. But in short, phimosis is a congenital narrowing of the opening of the foreskin so that it cannot be retracted. The effect of ignoring a Phimosis'd penis is an inflammation inside it coz the impurities from the urine settle in and can't be taken out due to the congenital narrowing. So circumcision is the only way out. Thank Allah it's over now. And as much as how funny it might sound to you, now my son has the cutest well-shaped penis ever! Hahahahahaha... Good job anyway, kiddo. Momma's proud of ya ;)

How about the 2 movements I'm joining in since 2 years ago, which are #IndonesiaTanpaJIL and @MariBerhijab?

Still running, Alhamdulillah. Both movements are doing internal committee recasting recently. Due to my pregnancy, my work load, my duty in family & my band - which is now on process of making our 3rd album - I decided to not to be too actively involved in movement programs that require field works. I'll let the tasks to the younger, more vibrant troops to handle it. Working behind the scene is prolly better now, I know my limit ;) The last program that I did with #IndonesiaTanpaJIL was a talkshow about gender & equality in Islam by @HijaberTanpaJIL - a muslimah movement under the name of ITJ. Hopefully those 2 movements can maintain a long lasting existence among the muslim people. More muslims are enlightened by Islam, that's still be our goal. Bismillah :)

 

Committee of Gender Talk Event held by @HijaberTanpaJIL with Mahdavi - Novelist. Coffee Inst, Dec 15th

What else? Oh yeah, about 3 weeks ago I received an award for my 5 years of service to the company I'm working in, Bakrie & Brothers. Alhamdulillah... Actually I should've received the award on January 2012 but there was no award event held last year, so I just received it this year. This month, January 7th, will be my 7th year of working here. Wow, time flies isn't it? Is now the right time for me to "get out of the nest and spread my wings wider"? We'll see ^___^

Me with the award (Pregnancy: 18 weeks)

The last exciting thing I want to share is that me & hubby have our own new "hobby" now, hopefully a profitable hobby (Aamiin...). His new hobby is photography. I'm so proud to see how fast he learns it. It's been his desire deep down inside, I knew it. He's gifted to that. Though I was the one who bought the SLR camera, but he's the one who learns it seriously and takes care of the camera, LOL. Me? Well, my new hobby is still related to the photography world too - a bit. Just wait, prolly will post it in here someday if I have the gut, hehehe...

Some of his works :)

Gotta back to work. You have a nice day aight? I'm out!

Wassalam,
G.